Just Need To Say It Out
hi, im max, im 19 and i just wanted to take this out, dont know if it would make me feel better but, my childhood keeps haunting me, from childhood i have been lonely, ignored and excluded from almost everything. people didnt like me for who i was, and they made fun of me for 10 years, my brothers would avoid me since no one liked me, and it was all because of fake rumors that my classmates had started, i actually never hung out with friends or family since no one wanted to be friends with me until 3 years ago, when i came to Malaysia for studies. my parents would call me names infront of their guests. people would play bad jokes on me alot, once this person in my class secretely invited me to his birthday party, i got excited, i took a cab and went to the destination, there was a party but when i went in he told me infront of everyone that he never did, insulted me, i was left again.
Everyday in class i would be in a fight, once i was sent 3 times to the principles office for fighting with other kids, they would call my parents names, throw stuff at me, even the teacher took their side and was laughing at me. in class my classmate hassan was insulting me again, throwing papers at me, i told the teacher 5 times, she ignored me, when i swore at hassan she gave me an afterschool punishment, i had to write non-stop for 2 hours. this was during ramadan time, we were fasting, when i arrived home i was feeling dizzy and had a very bad headache, my family had broken their fast and were eating, i was crying in pain, after food they came to check up on me, and realised i had a fast fever.
Once my dad bought a new console, a playstation, it was one of its kind at that time, and when i tried playing it my elder brother banned me since i didnt take his permission for playing. i told my dad about it and he said its my fault, no one understood, on my 11th birthday i tried celebrating, my parents went out to have dinner with their friends, and my brothers got their friends and started playng together, i asked my brother if i could join, he said that they wouldnt like me, i spent the night in my room reading science books.
The next day we went shopping and my younger brother asked my dad to buy him a toy rc aeroplane that cost around 300 dhs, i asked him for an action figure for like 30 dhs and he said we dont have time, we left. i kept all this aside, and tried to get along with my family.this is just the tip of the ice berg but ive decided to ignore everything that happened in my childhood and love my family no matter what,but my past still comes back to me in my dreams, my friend suggested that i try this to help me calm down.