A guy I wasn't really attracted to. I just really met him and I was abused by guys when I was young and they've always scared me so when he went in to kiss me I just let him and it felt gross. I didn't kiss back at first and it was slobbery and I wince when I look back on it. I felt nothing but lost, grossed out and confused. I felt like I didn't have a voice even though he asked first. I still feel ashamed and kind of violated. I don't count it as my first kiss because I didn't really want to do it.