Never Had The Chance To Say "i Love You"

im 15 years old, and had my first miscarriage on march 12th 2011. i was about a month and a half pregnant and didnt know it untill that day. i remember it so well, i was so scared. i didnt know what was happening to me, to my body. i went to my friend for help...she researched and asked her mom who had a miscarriage and informed me thats what it was. i stayed in my room, laying on my bed for weeks. i would do nothing, i didnt want to see the world anymore. i told a few friends and my boyfriend. everyday it effects me and what i do. no one understands what im going through. i cant even tell my mom who is my best friend because she would be so mad at me. my boyfriend and i are going through this alone and day by day it seems like its getting worse. we have blocked the world out. we feel like we only have each other right now. i sometimes feel like he doesnt understand. only because he never had the bond. he tells me how he thinks its unfair that he never got to see him/her but i feel like its much harder for me. no one i talk to knows what im going through. i feel so alone and misunderstood. as a teenager you learn to let go and cope with things. i feel like it gets worse, nothing seems to make me truely happy anymore im always trying to fill that void because i dont want to feel this way anymore. does it ever get better?
laniebug laniebug
13-15, F
10 Responses Jun 11, 2011

I am going through basically the same thing, I was 15 when I became pregnant, and I found out when I was two months (I hadn't gotten my period) and I lost Zoey when I was six months, it has been 5 1/2 months since that day, I am nearly seventeen now so it has been exactly one year since Zoey was conceived and I have problems getting out of bed, sometimes I will sleep for days on end. My boyfriend is worried about me. I'm worried about me. But I am extremely depressed and have almost completely given up on life.

i can only hope for me you and every other person going through the same thing that it one day will get better even though right now it feels like itll never happen

I miscarried on June 21, 2009. I was only twelve. Its been a little over three years, and I still can't go a day with out thinking about my baby boy. I mean it gets a little easier but you just got to remember that your baby is up in heaven watching down on his mommy and daddy (: Your baby is watching you trying to get your life together so, don't disappoint them! I am fifteen now, and it took a long time for me to straighten up my life. But just remember there are other girls like you that are here for support. (: Hope you are doing well.

Losing a baby is hard I lost mine in october 13 2010 and I still cry I had this doctor who was mean I was 'chubby' and every time I went to her she's like u gotta lose weight but really mean there's other ways in saying things n she didn't know how any way she told me I could never have kids mind u I was only 15 when she told me at dat age I was still learning how to control my emotions so I believed her didn't go for second opinons then I got pregnant years later I couldn't believe it then once istarted feeling it I was so happy then I lost it I cried a lot. Lots of ppl kept saying it was for da best and I started to hate them for saying it... what am trying to say is its hard and the pain will always b there but not as much as when it happened ppl r going to b mean since ur 15 but sounds like u r loved and smart just keep going foward n know who u r

Losing a baby is hard I lost mine in october 13 2010 and I still cry I had this doctor who was mean I was 'chubby' and every time I went to her she's like u gotta lose weight but really mean there's other ways in saying things n she didn't know how any way she told me I could never have kids mind u I was only 15 when she told me at dat age I was still learning how to control my emotions so I believed her didn't go for second opinons then I got pregnant years later I couldn't believe it then once istarted feeling it I was so happy then I lost it I cried a lot. Lots of ppl kept saying it was for da best and I started to hate them for saying it... what am trying to say is its hard and the pain will always b there but not as much as when it happened ppl r going to b mean since ur 15 but sounds like u r loved and smart just keep going foward n know who u r

thank you. i think im going to sit here down this weekend. i really want my mom to know, i do. i just dont know how to say it but i have an idea. thank you all for the support and advice. you all are really helping make things a little bit easier on me.

thank you very much. i want to tell my mom, its not like i want to keep it from her forever, i do want her to know. i just dont know how to approach the situation, let alone if she would believe me or not. thank you for the advice, yes im going to school. im going to collage, i have big dreams for myself. but i just cant get over the fact that the baby i once had, will never be with be me. he/she went to god first and a child should never go before their parents. i know im young and my whole life is ahead of me, and i understand that. i plan on living it to the fullest. but that doesnt make it any easier. i can forget, and i never will. he/she will always be in my heart forever. i know that sex at my age sounds ridicules. but remember, u all weird my age once. you all had that one guy you thought ud be with forever and you wanted to show him how much u cared. now i know sex is only supposed to happen when u truely love someone, which i do love my boyfriend. he may not be the last guy ill ever love, but for now. he is. i know they are always talking about protection, but no protection is 100% affective. we did have some, and we did use it. accidents happen. it was a complete accident, we werent trying for a child. but it did happen, and i dont care, living or not. i will always love my child with all my heart. he/she will always be with me. im not dishonest with my mother, one thing i didnt tell her because i dont know how to approach her doesnt make me dishonest. im not lying, i didnt tell her "hey mom, i never had a miscarriage" yes im not telling her, but because i dont know how to tell her. what i did wasnt wrong. my mother knows my boyfriend and i had sex. shes not ok with it, but she understands why i did it. she knows everything besides there was a miscarriage. how do you suppose i tell her, cause there isnt a "lite" way to tell someone that.

we are living in a difficult world dear, so i am not judging you for seeking comfort and love in another person. i am sorry for your loss and pain, for both of you. <br />
<br />
yes, it will get better. i promise you! remember you are barely over a child yourself. think this way ok, and read my story too...:) it may have been 'for the best' in the long run, however,<br />
in no way this can diminish your pain, your loss, your grief, your anger and all the feelings!!!<br />
<br />
You are mourning and it's very very real and very painful<br />
~ write about it, draw your feelings and pain, make a special memorial day when you are ready. <br />
Talk to your baby, tell her/him how you are feeling etc. <br />
Remember every year, share with those you love so you can share4 together and your pain will be divided and lessened through sharing! <br />
<br />
Grief takes time to heal. But you will heal, you only need to get a support system in place.<br />
<br />
I wish you had a support group you can turn to, or some phone line to be anonymous, a councellor or therapist, you really need help to cope, it is vital!<br />
<br />
Perhaps your mom will be undedrstanding ok, angry first yes. She is your best friend, I think she would never abandon you now, she will stand by you.<br />
If it happened to my daughter, i could not love her less,it is not possible!! You are her precious baby! I hope you two can come together on this to help you heal, you really need her support I think...Perhaps another adult can be told and support you then you can try to approach mom together ...just a thought.<br />
<br />
You are welcome to write me, I was 25 when i miscarried. I have a daughter about your age now.<br />
<br />
I wish this world was kinder, more forgiving, more accepting, more compassionate, safer gentler and more joyful. This does exist but you have to somehow cultivate in your life what you need your life to be like. <br />
<br />
>So go to school , please.Yes i know this seems trite and totally off topic but it is nevetheless part of what will help for you to build your life dear, into what you deserve it to be! A good happy life with a job you are proud to have. It's worth it.<br />
<br />
** See a counellor or therapist to help you grive though this pain, and you will heal, it does take time however and support is VITAL to you now!,<br />
There are support groups, see if you can find any in or near your city.<br />
Look up http://www.meetup.com/ this is a site for many events/gatherings/groups , if there is not a group like you need, you can begin one.<br />
also search google and yahoo groups. <br />
Find books on miscarriage , read them, talk to other moms who have miscarried. <br />
You are not alone in this pain!!!** <br />
<br />
Your baby wil be with you always, in your heart. <br />
<br />
Good luck, take good care of yourself, and again I am here if you need to talk .

you guys are helping me, just distroying me. your words cut deep tonight and let me tell you i as a teenager have heard some nasty things said about people, but this so far has to be the worst. thank you both for adding on. i was asking for advice on if it got any better, not to be criticized for living my own life.

Hi There, First off let me start off by saying "what' WERE you thinking of having sex at age 15. If you were so close to your mom you should of been able to talk to her right then and there! Now look what happened. I feel for you but you are the one who got your self in this horrid situation and you will have to live with it all your life because that is something you will never forget. I just hope that the next time if there is a next time you get to the doctors and get put on the pill. I hope that you are doing better and i hpoe that your mom is taking the news better because right now you really need you mother. Dont ever forget that. Your mother should always come first in your life no matter what. Good Luck and please let me know how your feeling. If you dont mind sending me a letter because i do care.