My First Love. My First Baby. My Tragedy.

When I was 19 I was pregnant with my first and had got in a car accident. The woman was addicted to cocain and known for hitting people to collect insurance money according to the police. I lost the baby before I got to tell him b/c of an injury to my jaw. I knew I was sick so I was in denial about him. I never told anyone nor would I before my boyfriend. I lost the baby when we were fighting because he was out of service for 2 days. He broke up with me during my miscarriage. When I met up with him a month after we broke up to talk I bawled the entire time and all I could think was I killed our baby. He had tears in his eyes when I walked away. I finally told him 4months after. The guy I had been talking to held my hand and I ended the relationship b/c I wanted it to be his had. I have never had the courage to say I'm sorry to his face. I was raped two month after I told him, by a neighbor I went out with to have someone to talk to. I never forgave myself. He was my only. I carried his baby. I never forgave myself. I haven't seen him in 3yrs b/c it hurts soo bad. We still talk every few months. I tried to move on and am in a relationship. He never has. ...nobody understands my pain.