My first born would have turned 13 on February. Although its been years since we lost him, not a day goes by that I don't think of him, even if it's for a second. I lost him when I turned five months. I didn't know at the time I was meant to have difficult pregnancies. His loss was very difficult for my husband and I. We had so many hopes and dreams and were very excited to meet our baby boy. I was working and finishing my degree when I lost him. It was so hard for me because I had nightmares that he would tell me that I didn't love him. They stopped when my husband and I went to light a candle for him at church. It was like we finally accepted his death and had closure.It was so hard for us because we were young, in love and had just gotten married only to lose our son. To this day it's very hard to talk about him. His sisters know about him. I told them they had a brother before they were born and that he's our little angel in heaven. Later, I found out his name meant belonging to God. I felt that was God's way of telling me he was never mine. Years later I had the same problem with my daughters pregnancy right at 20 weeks when I had lost my son... I was so scared and crying histerically, so terrified I was going to lose another baby. Finally, I calmed down enough to talk to my son and told him- you that are so close to our Lord please tell him not to take your sister... And I always love and will live you Dominique. Well when I said that prayer my bleeding suddenly stopped, the doctors couldn't explain it. So, yes, I believe our family has our little angel in heaven, praying, fighting for us and watching over us. When you lose a child through miscarriage there is a hole in your life.. Waiting until the day you meet again and hold them, kiss them and tell them how much you missed them.
UpsidedownSnowglobe UpsidedownSnowglobe
36-40, F
Jan 12, 2013