Words Can't Express...

Words can't express the pain, hurt, anger and depression you go through when you have lost your child. Your baby is a part of you growing inside you and you feel the natural instinct to protect, nuture and care for it but what happens when you lose that? So many emotions its hard to explain.

I personally have lost 2. Considering my medical condition my ob/gyn says its a miracle that I was even able to get pregnant, but is it really? I mean...whats the point if I lost both pregnancies? Whats worse is nobody wants to talk about it. You tell people you lost the baby and they say sorry and walk away, but what happens when its days, weeks, months or even years later and you still havent dealt with the pain?

Walking around every day pretending to be ok. Even though my husband is supportive...I know deep down he still wanted a child. Will he lose intrest in me and find someone else to bare his child? Will he resent me? How will people look at me? Will they pity me? Why does that lady get to bare a child and I don't? Why is this happening to me? So many women abort their children like trash, but here I am a woman who actually wants a child and will care for it, but I don't get that choice or chance?

Most of you ladies may have asked yourself these questions, but I just wanted to let you know that I have been there. I feel your pain, but these troubles don't last always. I can now say that I was blessed to give birth to a beautiful baby boy this past August in 2012. It seems God finally heard my cry for help. Its not too late for you. Keep the faith!
Blackbarbie1987 Blackbarbie1987
26-30, F
5 Responses Jan 19, 2013

I think that those are questions that lots of women who lose children to mis carriages thru no fault of their own. I had a female friend who lived on our block in Cambridge who lost a child and she had some of the same feelings of loss that you had ,Black Barbie 1987 ,and i want you to know that lots of people won't hate or condemn you and know that you aren't at fault,not in the least, even tho you ask yourself what you could have done. Well,miss, you have friends out there who feel your pain,such as me for example.

"...so sorry 2 hear..."

Every time I read your stories....I am so blown away...you r so honest

I have read several of your stories. You are an amazing person. I admire you (and that's an understatement). You are a rare and special soul. Only a fool would not want you. I do suffer from low self esteem at times so i can identify with what you are feeling. I am certainly not religious, in the conventional sense, but be at peace that they are at peace.
On another note, there are plenty of beautiful children in this world that need loving parents. (My wife miscarried two years ago. We still never have talked about it because there are other issues..but again I relate. I wish you the best...I am here for you...you deserve it

Thank you for commenting. Your words are very kind and inspiring. I am however; a very spiritual person and do believe that God can make miracles. Proof in point that I did finally conceive a son. I dont need to explain how it feels since you are a parent who has been through it. Its hard, but being at peace has helped me come to terms as well. :)

A sad story for you that also ends up with some happiness as well. Very thought provoking for sure. Thank you for sharing.