He Has Become the Best Friend That I Have

He has - we have known each other since 1983!  He was a constant in my life for awhile then we drifted apart due to different paths then he was back again for a bit, then drifted out again only briefly - the next time I heard from him, we decided to date and we did for quite awhile and it was really great but neither of us were ready for more - we would have killed each other.  About 5 years ago, I went looking for him on the internet, and I found him and we talked quite a bit - it was nice but he was at a crossroads in his life and he was making some bad decisions, so he said that he would have to stop talking through e-mail for awhile.  I was sad, but he wasn't the man I used to love and like, so I thought it was for the best.

2 years go by and all of sudden, he came upon a political blog I was writing and e-mailed me - what a difference 2 years had made!  He had really gotten it together like I always thought he would!  So, we started talking and talking and talking and he has been a great support, encourager, cheerleader, advisor, life coach to me through some rough times - rough times that continue on even today!

I am blessed to have him in my life and he will be a lifetime friend and one of the best if not THE best friends I have ever had!

 

 


*** Update July 10, 2009 *** 
 

A lot has changed just recently.  I have lost this best friend - maybe forever - and it is my fault.  It breaks my heart to even write this actually.

Several months ago, my feelings for my best friend, I realized, had turned to love - I was once again in love with him - and probably more than I had ever been when we had dated.  He has been my salvation during probably the worst years of my marriage.  My marriage has never been good, but the last 2 years have been the worst - the years that my husband claims he has been trying to show me that he loves me MORE than he loves himself - that he loves me as God has commanded a husband love his wife "as Christ loves the church."  

Anyway, I told my friend how I felt and pressed for us to see each other - I was aching for him to hold me - stupidly thinking I could control my attraction to him.  So, we took the next step - the step that has now ruined the chance of us ever remaining friends.  I might have been able to keep the friendship had my husband never found out about the other part of the relationship and had I ended it, but he did and then to make matters worse (and after I asked him not to contact my friend), he wrote a horrible letter to him - a letter that threatened to ruin his family AND his career (threatening to make it difficult for him to keep his high-level security clearance necessary to his job!).  If I were that friend, I would never speak to me again - if for no other reason but fear that my life would be much more complicated and stressful - who needs that - who needs job issues in this economy???  

Additionally, I told my friend that I would NEVER tell about the extent of our relationship to anyone, and he doesn't know that I didn't tell - and he won't ever know now because he has been threatened by my husband that if I ever contact him, he is supposed to send a copy to my husband and then delete it and never respond...  so I can't even tell him I am sorry - I can't tell him thank you for being my life preserver for the last 2 years - thank you for being there whenever I thought I couldn’t take one more minute of my existence...  Thank you for being there when NO ONE else was (including my parents and family).  Thank you for understanding me when no one else did - for saying just the right things to make me not give up - to try and fight for my marriage even.  Thank you for restoring my hope and for reminding me to believe in myself - that I had a lot to offer and a lot of wonderful qualities - thank you for reminding me of who I was and could be again!

I loved him - I LOVE him - and now I ache for that friendship that I have lost.  A part of me hopes that he aches a bit too - but the part that loves him hopes that he is not hurting and is feeling peace and contentment and has been able to just put the stress that I added to his life behind him.  When I think of never talking to him again - never knowing how he is doing - never seeing him again - I am unspeakably sad - but I want him to have a good life - and it can't be with me lingering in it.  So, I guess I can no longer say that this will be a lifetime friendship – but it will be a friendship that I will hold in my heart for a lifetime!

 

DorothyofOz DorothyofOz
41-45, F
14 Responses Mar 2, 2009

SNS4U - it sounds like you have decided that having him IN your life as just a friend is less painful than not having him in your life at all! I am happy for you if that works out! I am glad that you are talking to people and thinking it through - only you know what is the right answer, ultimately!<br />
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I know this friend of mine was a blessing in my life - his friendship - well, anyone would be blessed to have a friend like him - a friendship like this in their life - so, I hope someday we can at least be friends again under better circumstances.<br />
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Thanks for the comment and I am enjoying getting to know you better! Thanks!

Kudos to you D! You have many good comments here. I share and understand what you gone through. I am having the same kind of lover turned friendship with my 'friend'. I was sad and confused in the beginning but after contemplating myself and getting advised from close ppl. I am blessed to know this man, it would be a waste to let him go that easily. Now after what have had happened and for the future I wish him all the best in life - and I know he has all the best interest for me too.

Good to hear from you again. I don't know if you've picked up from my other writings, but if it's any consolation I've been having trouble with my "best friend" lately.<br />
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At the time I put up my piece, things seemed to be going uphill. But then at the end of January, after a string of mishaps we ended up on a break. We finally reunited in May, and from that point on seemed to be rebuilding our friendship slowly but surely. But then, after a few failed attempts to meet up, we've gone on another break, and things just aren't looking up at all.<br />
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Like you, I had made mine out to be special and unique. But unlike the friendship you had, we never went through a phase of being in love with each other.<br />
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I'd really like to have her back in my life properly. But on the other hand, I've really lost trust in her, so I'm not sure if things can ever work out between us again.

I hadn't looked at this story for a long time and didn't realize there had been another comment.<br />
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I have done a lot of soul searching and praying and crying over the past year... I have missed this friend - well, so deeply... I know that if he were to come back into my life at some point, well, I would probably be so happy I would cry THEN I would want to say I was sorry for putting him through what happened in the end THEN I would just be happy to have him back as my friend, if nothing else was possible.<br />
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I have never had someone know me like he did - he would tell me things about myself that I hadn't realized even! He knew how to handle me too - when to tease me, when to flirt, when to be serious, when to "shut me up!" LOL! AND when I would be "bitchy" - he didn't see it that way even though I know I was bitchy - he could see through to what was really going on.<br />
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You don't find a friendship like that easily if ever.... I was blessed to have a friend like that!<br />
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Thanks for the comment AnarchyRules! (and I think you are right - my husband - he is the person that doesn't belong in my life - and that is why we will be separating and divorcing within the next year!)

So sorry to hear ... but it seems to me that it's your husband that doesn't belong in your life, or your friend's life. If I were that friend, I would probably take no notice of your husband's instructions (especially the one to forward all communications from you to him), as he really has no business in it.

you asked why we do it to ourselves.<br />
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because it is a yummie, crazy, glowy, toe-curling mess.<br />
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hehehe<br />
b

heal well angel. over the next 12 months I want to see the new and improved YOU shining on these pages.<br />
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love <br />
b

I actually think I read that too!! God does have a sense of humor - He has to or there would have been some other "flood" by now - LOL!!

not our fault milady. God made us so.<br />
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I read somewhere that the same areas of the brain are stimulated as is active in a "crazy" person.<br />
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hehehe

QUEEN!! Ah, good song!! Good group!! There's another one they sing that comes to mind - Somebody To Love - good one too!!<br />
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Love is a crazy thing - why do we torture ourselves over it?!

love you lady d<br />
<br />
what was that song - this crazy little thing called love.<br />
<br />
b

Thanks everybody for your comments before - they mean a lot - and thank you Purple - sometimes I hope he does miss me like I miss him and other times, for his sake, I hope he is content in his life. My therapist said the same thing - never say never - just for now, he is out of your life - I would hope that a friendship like I felt we have/had will endure this absence - it did before and was even stronger! And I also have come to realize in just the last couple of days that while I am trying to decide what I am doing, it is good that he is NOT in my life - no distraction and I can be sure that I made the decision based on me, my children and what is best for us - nothing else! THANK YOU MY DEAR DEAR FRIEND!

I read the update to the story above...I am so sorry this happened my friend...<br />
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I know this is probably a cliche...but, if the two of you are supposed to be in each other's lives, you will be. I mean, think about it...you knew each other from long ago...lost track and found each other again.<br />
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Maybe this happening now is a good thing. This way, you can concentrate on what you want to do with your life without any distractions.<br />
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Who knows what the future holds...what I do know is you are a wonderful person and I'm sure he is missing you as much as you are missing him.

that's a nice story.