All the Things I Can't Say to You Out Loud

Hello, best friend.

I just wanted to say thank you for being my best friend. I know I don't connect very well to people, that I'm not as nice as I should be, and that maybe sometimes when you hug me I might tense up. But I DO love you best friend.

I love that you can make me feel like a champion just for getting you a birthday present. I love that you try to feed me anytime I come over to your house. I love how much you enjoy puppies, and that polite disbelieving look you get when I talk of the joys of owning a cat. I love that light that comes into your eyes when you talk about your dream house- a house where the kitchen and the bedroom, AND the living room are in fact-the same room. A shack on the grounds of my estate we called it.

Do you remember how we met? When we were in Spanish Class together, and hadn't looked at each other twice until one day we were forced together simply because we were the only two in class without partners for the class worksheet. I thought you were just like the others who were disdainful and ignored me [was I ever so bitter?], that we would just make awkward noises in Spanish at each other. I told you in simple terms that I had no intention of doing this Spanish worksheet, that I didn't KNOW any Spanish and didn't want to learn, so since we didn't have to turn in this worksheet why didn't we just sit quietly for a few minutes? 

"Do you like to draw?, " you asked.

That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

I of course had to drop out of the class being as it was I actually hated the class and the Spanish language in general, but somehow we still saw each other. Do you remember when I first asked you to hang out with me downtown? Did you know that you were the first person I ever asked that of?

Remember how we started at Borders at 12:00am and ended up four miles away at your old elementary school eating ice cream on the roof at 10:00pm? My feet were so sore the next day. I love our wandering walks, how you always insist we walk past your old house because you like to pick the flowers. "They're my tulips, damnit" you always say.

I love how we always end up somewhere new, doing something we've never done before. Like that time we got caught in that storm, and we had to walk home holding hands because we couldn't see more then three feet in front of our faces. I gave you my jacket and got so soaked, but I was so glad that you actually took it.

I also remember when I first told you, that you were my best friend. That time that you took me sledding, but I was wearing bad boots and couldn't get back up that slippery hill. I could almost make it up, but then I'd fall back down again. I remember- I took off my jacket, my boots, my socks, and screamed that I was Scottish and called on the power of Mel Gibson to propel me up the hill. I made it two thirds before I fell back down, got completely covered in snow, and very nearly caught hypothermia. You laughed at me for two hours. On that very cold, very wet walk back to your house, I just blurted it out then spent the next week cursing myself. I was so happy when you said it back to me! When you said that I was the only person you could spend a lot of time around without feeling drained afterward.

I even love our very rare, very stupid arguments. I know that you wouldn't yell at anyone else , because you're usually too polite for that. The way our conversations and out arguments mix.

"I hit that moon with the plasma gun!""No you didn't, the plasma gun sucks. " I Did!!" "No you didn't, you're just saying that because you know that the plasma gun sucks. Lying won't make it better""THE PLASMA GUN DOESN'T SUCK! I DID HIT THAT MOON!""LIES!"

You then ran away, and it took me four blocks to catch up with you. We also argue over tea.

"You're putting way too much sugar in that tea!""It's not that much.""If you have to take of the lid off the sugar container to pour it's too much!" "Well at least I don't reuse tea bags like four times like you do!""TWICE. I do it TWICE. And a tea bag is perfectly fine the second time you use it!""Philistine!""I CAN SEE THE LEVEL OF THE TEA RISING WHEN YOU PUT SUGAR IN IT!"

You're so gullible, sometimes.

"Why do you believe everything I say when you know I'm lying?I mean, If I said-OH MY GOD LOOK THERE'S A PUPPY IN THAT CAR!!!" "Hah, hah, very funny...wait is there actually a puppy in that car?" "!?!?" "Well, it's HOT. They might suffocate in there!" "THERE WAS NEVER ANY PUPPY." "I know, I know, I'm just making sure."

Why do you fight to carry my bag, I don't know.

"Please?" "You aren't my SLAVE, I can carry my own damn bag." "It looks so heavy! Please?!" "Well that's my own damn fault for packing my bag to heavy this morning, I'm FINE." "It gives me purpose!" "That's just weird." "It's NOT! My other friends used to let me carry their bag!""Yeah, well they were **** friends." "NO THEY-Okay maybe."

I love that when I mock proposed to you with that plastic ring I found on the sidewalk you took it seriously and never took it off. I think it's great that your boyfriend was so jealous of that crappy plastic ring that he bought you that thirty dollar fake diamond ring. Really, why hadn't he realized that you hate expensive gifts? You never wore that ring, and after you two mutually broke up you took it back to the store and gave him his money back. I love the ring you gave me in return by the way, even if it does give me like mental splinters and scratches the paper with long rust marks when I write. I dropped it in the snow once and spent an hour looking for it.

I know I need to stop, but one other thing- the way you lean on me when you're trying to convince me to do something. How you push me over sideways until I'm lying on the ground and you're lying on top of my right side.

In short, I adore you. I am so very glad you're my best friend and I do apologize that I'll probably never say these things to you, but you understand. You're actually the same way, deep down.

Orypeci Orypeci
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 5, 2009

I know you wrote this a while ago, but I feel a need comment. This is adorable!! It sounds kind of like me and my best friend. I love your arguments, they make me giggle. I'm glad that you have such a relationship in your life. It makes it so much better doesn't it?