Trying To Like ItHi, I have a large nose. I'm a girl. And I have no idea how I feel about it.
I know I would rather not have a big nose so I wouldn't have to worry about it, but I also recognize it as a unique characteristic.
I probably wouldn't mind it so much if I constantly wasn't thinking about how other people view it. I don't like the feeling that I am not as pretty as other girls because of my nose, but at the same time I like the fact that I don't look like most girls. It's a very confusing mixture of feelings.
I think the first time I noticed my nose was kind of big was when I was eleven, but I really liked it. It wasn't until later on in life when the media told me that having anything other than a button nose was hideous that I started hating my nose.
I spent a lot of time thinking and obsessing over it in highschool. I would try to cover it with my hand or my hair when I would be sitting in a desk.
No one ever picked on me for it but myself really. Well except for my cousin a couple of times, to which I laughed off but felt really hurt in reality.
I would make myself so jealous looking at other girls with small "feminine" noses. I would torture myself by looking at my profile in the mirror and making disgusted remarks in my mind in the morning. I was poisoning myself and allowing someone else to tell me what was beautiful.
I think I decided it was time for an change of perspective when the size of my nose would discourage me from going places and doing things that I wanted. I was letting a tiny insecurity grow and grow and completely take over my life.
I began by just never looking in the mirror if I could avoid it. It actually helped a lot. It allowed me to concentrate on letting my personality shine through without the hinderance of constantly wondering if I was facing someone at an unflattering angle. People started complimenting me a lot more, probably because I was so much happier looking and confident.
Although my plan was working fairly well, I knew I couldn't avoid the mirror forever. As soon as I started looking at my reflection a little more often, I started worrying about my nose again. This I knew I needed to stop before it got bad again, so when I looked in thw mirror I would think to myself "It's not so bad," "it's just a nose,". Then I started to tell myself what a unique characteristic it is, and that really it's more of a work of art than abomination.
After a while of doing this it was like I was that eleven year old girl again, apreciating my good-looking nose. I wouldn't try to hide it when I would go out, and actually considered accentuating it with a nose ring. I felt great.
These feelings however have began to fade, and now I am worrying about it quite frequently again. Why? Because I now have a boyfriend and I am worried about how he sees my nose. Ridiculous I know.
Self esteem is such a delicate thing. Now to regain that long worked for affection towards my nose.
Here we go again, thanks for reading.
PlasterShell 18-21 1 Response 1 Jan 17, 2012