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My Big Nose,life In General

Hi,Im a 35 year old male who is very depressed with my life. Im currently unemployed and the prospects are looking bad!
I suffer from depression which i am medicated for but still doesnt really change my outlook on life to a more positive one.
I hate my appearance,as i have got a big nose.
I feel that nobody really takes me seriously,whether it be my appearance or my personality,im not sure.
My problem is,nobody sees my true personality when i leave my house as i lack confidence so much. All my personality comes out behind closed doors where i feel most comfortable.
I am in a relationship with my girlfriend of 10 years,but still feel i need to be noticed and excepted by women in general.
My girlfriend tells me its all in my mind and that i havent got a big nose!
Well this frustrates me even more. I know ive got a big nose!....its as plain as the nose on my face lol
I do that alot,make jokes about my own appearance to people to act like im not bothered by it. Fact is i am,i just wanna look normal!
I have got countless bad memories of comments about my appearance.
Believe me ive tried to give myself a talking to,the fact that im a 35 year old man and should get over it,but i cant.
In the past ive even set up profiles for myself on dating websites,not to actually go through with anything but to maybe get some positive comments about me. Or to be flirted with to make me feel desirable in some way.
I am obsessive about exercising. My thinking is,if i can improve my body maybe my facial features will not matter so much.
I have moved to a new area in essex where i dont have any friends,the only person i see from day to day is my girlfriend.
I think about death far too much. I basically wonder why ive been put on this earth. To surve what purpose?
Often i think about the people that are living full lives,with children,careers,people with meanings to their lives that get told they are dying of terminal illnesses an yet heres me totally living a wasted life.
Im at the stage where i dont leave my flat for 2 to 3 weeks at a time. When i do go out im paranoid of my appearance,im constantly disappointed in people in general. Their spitefulness,their lack of respect for other peoples feelings.
I feel like i need to meet really genuine people who are not fake,what you see is what you get. Too many fake people nowadays.
Or is it nowadays or has it always been like this and its just me thats changed?!
Most people will probably read this and think i need a good kick up the backside and to snap out of it. Believe me its been said a few times. If it were that simple id do it.
I just feel im a genuine,caring person who just wants to fit in but for whatever reason its just not happening.
Also in my work history,i have had lots of work colleagues in various companies ive worked that have taken a total dislike to me.
I am genuinely the least confrontational person you could ever meet. I go out my way to put people at ease. This ive learned seems to irritate them about me. Maybe i come across as patronizing?
Anyway,as you can see,im at a bad point in my life..lol
Ive just read this back and i sound like a total mess.
I have opened up about all this after a bottle of wine,so if there are any bad spelling mistakes go easy on me lol
I have got plenty more to say but will not bore you anymore.
Thankyou for reading about my problems. I hope that someone will take comfort who are in a simular situaton to me.
If anyone is in a simular situation to me,please feel free to message me. We can have a good old moan about the world together.
Take care everyone
footie
slipperyduck35 slipperyduck35 31-35, M 2 Responses May 20, 2012

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Thanx for your advice Espero,i appreciate it.

Some days are worse than others.

Your right though,positive thinking

Thanx alot mate. Take all the best

im sure you'll eventually stop caring about your big nose, it takes time and effort it doesn't happen over night, look at the bright side man, you have a girlfriend who doesn't care about your nose, appreciate her, buy her flowers, tell her she's beautiful to you. nobody said life was gonna be easy you have to work hard for things. you have to look at the positive things in life in order to keep moving forward. well i can keep going but you get the point, hope it works out good for you man