My Big Nose,life In General

Hi,Im a 35 year old male who is very depressed with my life. Im currently unemployed and the prospects are looking bad!
I suffer from depression which i am medicated for but still doesnt really change my outlook on life to a more positive one.
I hate my appearance,as i have got a big nose.
I feel that nobody really takes me seriously,whether it be my appearance or my personality,im not sure.
My problem is,nobody sees my true personality when i leave my house as i lack confidence so much. All my personality comes out behind closed doors where i feel most comfortable.
I am in a relationship with my girlfriend of 10 years,but still feel i need to be noticed and excepted by women in general.
My girlfriend tells me its all in my mind and that i havent got a big nose!
Well this frustrates me even more. I know ive got a big nose!....its as plain as the nose on my face lol
I do that alot,make jokes about my own appearance to people to act like im not bothered by it. Fact is i am,i just wanna look normal!
I have got countless bad memories of comments about my appearance.
Believe me ive tried to give myself a talking to,the fact that im a 35 year old man and should get over it,but i cant.
In the past ive even set up profiles for myself on dating websites,not to actually go through with anything but to maybe get some positive comments about me. Or to be flirted with to make me feel desirable in some way.
I am obsessive about exercising. My thinking is,if i can improve my body maybe my facial features will not matter so much.
I have moved to a new area in essex where i dont have any friends,the only person i see from day to day is my girlfriend.
I think about death far too much. I basically wonder why ive been put on this earth. To surve what purpose?
Often i think about the people that are living full lives,with children,careers,people with meanings to their lives that get told they are dying of terminal illnesses an yet heres me totally living a wasted life.
Im at the stage where i dont leave my flat for 2 to 3 weeks at a time. When i do go out im paranoid of my appearance,im constantly disappointed in people in general. Their spitefulness,their lack of respect for other peoples feelings.
I feel like i need to meet really genuine people who are not fake,what you see is what you get. Too many fake people nowadays.
Or is it nowadays or has it always been like this and its just me thats changed?!
Most people will probably read this and think i need a good kick up the backside and to snap out of it. Believe me its been said a few times. If it were that simple id do it.
I just feel im a genuine,caring person who just wants to fit in but for whatever reason its just not happening.
Also in my work history,i have had lots of work colleagues in various companies ive worked that have taken a total dislike to me.
I am genuinely the least confrontational person you could ever meet. I go out my way to put people at ease. This ive learned seems to irritate them about me. Maybe i come across as patronizing?
Anyway,as you can see,im at a bad point in my
Ive just read this back and i sound like a total mess.
I have opened up about all this after a bottle of wine,so if there are any bad spelling mistakes go easy on me lol
I have got plenty more to say but will not bore you anymore.
Thankyou for reading about my problems. I hope that someone will take comfort who are in a simular situaton to me.
If anyone is in a simular situation to me,please feel free to message me. We can have a good old moan about the world together.
Take care everyone
slipperyduck35 slipperyduck35
31-35, M
3 Responses May 20, 2012

I'm sorry that you have been/ were going through a rough patch. I hope things are better now.

Personally, I don't think your nose is the problem. We tend to fixate on one thing or another, but the issue lies elsewhere.

First, your nose is likely perfectly lovely. That being said, everyone has a preference. I happen to love big noses - not just moderately large, big hook noses, pointy - you get the picture. Women's tastes are diverse as are all people. But, you can't step out of the house hoping that people (women) will find you attractive if you don't have confidence. You have to accept yourself.

I know how hard it is. I'm in my mid 30's too. I've had a kid, had thyroid issues and I've gained weight. I always said/say that I am going to lose the weight, and then I'd be happy. But, I dressed in baggy clothes, didn't take care of myself, and my husband noticed. He said he loved me the way I was, but I didn't love me. It took a while for me to learn how.

Second, you sound like a very nice person. I thing it would be tough to be a man and be a nice guy. I think men struggle to dominate each other in the work place, and sometimes women feel the need to make things competitive too. Many people never leave that grade school mentality behind. You have to either stand up to them or brush it off. I'm a brush it off kind of person. Nothing you say will change their mind, but you can't let people bully you either.

My suggestion? Take back ownership of your life. Find something that makes you feel strong or powerful. Take karate or fencing... or something. Also, surround yourself with people who are good for you, who give something back and don't just take. It is a risk letting people in, but don't give up. If you put good vibes out there, you'll get them back.

Third and finally, if you don't like your situation in life, change it. I know it is easy to say, but if you were doing something you loved, you would be happier. Don't buy into that rubbish that you're in your 30's and you've done nothing with your life. So what! Lots of people come into their own later in life. Your brain isn't fully developed until your mid 20's.

What do you want to do? What do you like to do? You don't have to impress anyone. Life is about being happy. Who knows why we are here on this big world. I think it is to learn how to love more perfectly to touch the lives of others. So, maybe give something back - volunteer?

The best advice I ever received was from my father who said, "despite what you might think, the world does not revolve around you." That has pulled me out of more than on pity party. Look around you and realize what you DO have, and be thankful for that. There are people from other parts of the world who grow up with out an education or food; they live in war torn countries; they are abused and neglected.

Those people you look at as you pass on the street or you work with every day, they are dealing with things too. Don't make their problems your problems. If they want to be jerks, that is their problem, not yours. Let it go and let them carry that burden. You're a good person. Love yourself.

Thanx for your advice Espero,i appreciate it.<br />
Some days are worse than others.<br />
Your right though,positive thinking<br />
Thanx alot mate. Take all the best

im sure you'll eventually stop caring about your big nose, it takes time and effort it doesn't happen over night, look at the bright side man, you have a girlfriend who doesn't care about your nose, appreciate her, buy her flowers, tell her she's beautiful to you. nobody said life was gonna be easy you have to work hard for things. you have to look at the positive things in life in order to keep moving forward. well i can keep going but you get the point, hope it works out good for you man