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I guess it started in elementary school, at the end of the fifth grade, I started getting mildly teased about my nose every now and then. Although It did hurt my feelings, I don't think that's when I really started obsessing over how big I thought it was. To be exact, I think it started in middle school, I honestly didn't think I was very different from everyone else, but then people would constantly bully me about my nose.
I would be minding my own business, doing my work like I'm suppose to, and then someone would whisper my name, I'd turn around, and they'd tease me. I would tough it out and ignore it, but for some reason I can't bottle up my emotions so easily, and I feel chocked up, which to me is honestly the most terrible feeling, because I feel like I want to just start crying, but I can't because I feel like I will get even more embarrassed.
It started to slow down a bit after awhile, but of course that couldn't last long. Seventh grade, we were having something about anti-bullying and I thought it would be good, the teacher saying how we shouldn't make fun of someone because they're different, and then kids started naming things, and of course someone had to say "different nose sizes" as a joke, implied to me, (I know this because they were looking at me while they said it) and then, the whole class started laughing. It took everything I had to not burst into tears right there and then. I started having family problems, and had trouble getting to school so I brought up home schooling.
I said I wanted to get into home schooling because I could probably work harder, but the truth is I just wanted to get away from people. To bottle up my feelings the best way I could, and stay alone. Well now, I'm going into the ninth grade, and I've had so little contact with kids my age, I'm afraid and paranoid that everyone is talking about me, looking at me, and judging me when all I really want is for someone to get to know me.
I'm starting to do better now, I have a love/hate relationship with my nose, but I'm so afraid because next year I'm going back to public school, where I feel I'll just get taunted and teased all over again and fall into a deep depression.
My story is so much longer and deeper then this, but I can't find the words to explain it any other way. Sometimes I just feel so much hatred towards myself.
I just wish I could find a way to be happy with my appearance.
unaccepted unaccepted 13-15, F Jul 1, 2012

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