.... Some Stuff Off My Chest...

this is strange for me to be doing....

first thing i want to mention is i love my girlfriend more than anything...and her son...our boy... hes the light of my life.

i knew all along that my girlfriend has bipolar... ive known her since i was young, she was in my old group of friends. and its always been a known fact that she suffers from a few mental health issues. and this is fine.

we had a tough slog to get together, it was hard, and now were here. in our "relationship" that weve wanted for the past year. were together.
and its everything ive ever wanted and more, her son, ive been in his life for the past year and the bond that we have is amazing, its like hes my own boy. and i treat him that way too.

i try you know, i try and help, i keep the house organised, help out with our boy, those sort of things.

i used to feel that i helped her feel better... that i calmed everything down. then i moved in a couple of months ago, just before christmas. and its all fine
but some days i feel i cant do anything right, that im walking on eggshells.. that i dont know what to do with myself. i took it upon my self to start making sure she was taking her pills...(something she HATES doing).. and things were really good for a while. she had more energy, and we were al really happy. then a few days ago i got ill...(just a 24 hour bug thing) and she went off track from the pills. i need to start giving them to her again...

i just cant trust her to take them.

i love the life im living and i chose this relationship knowing the ins and outs b4 i committed and moved in. this is what i want.

but it dosnt help that some days i find it hard. and the hardest thing of all i find is that i just wish i could make her better... but the truth is... she will never be better. this kills me. i hate it.

but i cant help who im in love with.

just seeing the person that means the world to me feel the way she does rips me apart inside.
oonas oonas
18-21, F
4 Responses Jan 31, 2012

I've been dating my gf for nearly 16 months and so much of what you've written here rings true with me also. We moved in together about a month after we started dating and although things weren't perfect, we were happy. Then about 4 months ago she decided to move over 100 miles away to be closer to her family and although I wasn't happy, I accepted this is what she had to do for herself. Problem is I'm not sure I can do this long distance.
She wants everything to be the same but we are living separate lives now. I feel constantly guilty for not calling/texting/visiting enough but I need to engage with my life here and not stay glued to the phone. When I don't do this, she claims I don't miss her enough. It's making me feel like I can do no right and despite the fact I try to be there for her always, I know her meds aren't working properly and she's getting worse.
Now I feel like despite how much I love her, I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be selfish but I need to start thinking about how this is affecting my mental health. But how can I leave her and know what it will do to her?

the worst thing about recieving this comment is that i have to admit the we are no longer together. we broke up a few months ago. my own doing, ok she was no angel, but it was my own doing, when she fell ill last march i think things changed then... theres nouthing you can do t help, and as harsh as it sounds now we are no longer together she is so happy, she can concentrate on herself and her son. ive become accustomed to thinking mab prople like this are best off alone, that way they cant impact on someones elses life or have anyone affect them. i know you love her. i love mine too. infact i still love her. and i would do anything for her t this day. but you need to take a step back and ask yourself is it healthy. for yourself. and for her.

Wow, I think your post pretty much sums up the way I feel. I am too in a relationship with someone with this kind of disease. It brings myself self esteem down knowing I cannot fix or help out in her troubles. I commute an hour to amd from work and contemplate or think about what kind of mood she will be in when I arrive. I love her so much. Are relationship is so up and down. If it is not really great and.the bet time of my life to aeguing yelling and most of all distant. There is never a grey norm in our relationship so to speak. I am ats my wits end, to were im feel defeated amd stressed. What to do, I hate that I love her so much, I cannot leave her.

One of the hardest things in the world is getting a bipolar person to take their meds without a fight. I grew up in a family of four, my father and sister both bipolar. My father was never medicated and died in 1986. My sister was finally diagnosed in 1986 and has been helped to stay on her meds by her girlfriend. They've been together almost 30 years now, and if it weren't for her girlfriend ny sister would have been dead from her disorder years ago. Sounds like you do the same for your girlfriend, and all I can say is God Bless You, and thank you for being a caregiver with a very difficult job. You make an immense difference in her life, as well as in the life of your son. Blessings on you and your family.