Feel Trapped

I have been with R for almost 10 years now. He has always been moody (getting downright mean at times). I recently started seeing a therapist so I could learn ways to deal with him. I don't want a divorce, although I am getting more and more tempted.
The therapist, once I described R's actions/words, said he sounds bi-polar - I said I thought that meant he would have manic-y UPs as well as downs and she said that is not necessarily the case with all bi-polars. It could be, when he is "normal" (aka, not mean/aggressive), that is his "up".
He is paranoid about the neighbors (believes they are all talking about him and watching his every move), has no friends, has no job (he works on our house as it was a foreclosure and we have been fixing it up). He is not physically abusive. He says we "need to be on the same page" when it comes to the neighbors (I don't even talk to the neighbors anymore cuz I don't want to have to deal with an interrogation from him on what was said). I try using basic old logic but that fails.
I am not sure what to expect from this forum - I guess the feeling that I'm not alone, and maybe some helpful advice.
jakeisgr8 jakeisgr8
4 Responses Mar 26, 2012

My husband was triggered yesterday by me telling him I will need gas in the next day or so, he went off and saying that you are so much like your mom and when I told him we needed to have him evaluated because he chose to get off of his Prozac for 3 weeks. He said I was the one who needed to be evalated. He hasn't had a job in years, has chronic pain, is constantly talking about how he wants to die. I asked him what would make him happy right now and he said to die. Because of the financial strain, I have had to work 2 jobs for a long time and he blames me for not wanting to be around him, but I am trying to work and the bills keep getting worse. The money is what seems to trigger it, but he wont' let me hug him or anything. I have cried my eyes out wondering what I could have said to make it easier on both of us and he isn't really caring about that. He just wants to go to sleep and not be around me. it's very painful.

I never get with or marry a bipolar person

My husband is similiar to yours. Mine doesnt give a hoot about the neighbors. But he can be very mean, mentally abusive, & when he is in a bad mood he blames things on me, makes things up in his head, & withdraws from the entire family. Sometimes he even cries. But he tends to snap at us, or rip our heads off more than anything. When he is on a 'high' as I call it, he will talk LOUD, laugh at the stupidest things, make a scene in public by talking loud or acting like a child, even our children find it embarassing. He has even jumped in the shopping carts & yelled 'WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" as he rode it down the aisle. He also horse around with our son at times, end result, he always ends up injuring our son, & our son is just as tall as he is. He's even ran up to him from behin out of the blue, with absolutely NO warning & kicked him in our son's area, then laughed & laughed about it, even when it was clear to everyone else our son was in son serious pain (which caused swelling & light bruising). One time recently, he forcefully shoved our young daughter into a storage bin in a store & held it down so she couldnt get out, when he let up, she tried, & he laughed & pushed her down inside again. She was terrified. Our son & I jumped his case about it immediately, & he acted like he didn't have a clue that he had done something wrong.<br />
One thing I will add, I am not sure if it is part of being bipolar or not but my husband is a compulsive liar. It doesnt matter whether its something big or small, he will lie about it.

TYPO: he rode ON the shopping carts, not IN.

Short and simple as I know. If there is lasting love between you and he, get "him" to the Dr. If Bi-polor, and untreated it will destroy all you have built. But even with the right help for him, be ready for a very difficult ride. It can be delt with but it will take all of your families strength.