Blended Family With An Overbearing Mother Involved, Help!!

I live with my boyfriend, we have been together for 2 1/2 years and decided in Jan to move in together because it was silly to pay for 2 places. I am the mother of 4 children with a dad that has wanted nothing to do with them for the past 6 years. He is the father of 2 and has joint custody, week on week off. Lately it has been crazy in the house when his kids come to our house. I suggested that he have his son tested at school for a learning disability. He has a slight speech delay, trouble reading and high anxiety. Being the mom of a child that is ADD and bi-polar I know how important it is to get help with the school system as early as possible. My boyfriend made his ex wife aware that this testing was going to happen and it's been a World War since. I'm a terrible person that needs to worry about my own kids and their problems. His kids supposedly hate me and don't even want to be here, but while they are we laugh, joke around and have fun as a family. She is now trying to get it where she has them on my days off that I watch them because they hate me so much I'm the reason for their son's anxiety. I don't contact her, as much as I want to sometimes when she is attacking my children in her emails to her ex, or saying things about me that are absolutely not true, because I know it will just cause more problems.

She has broken up 2 other relationships that he has been in since their divorce and I told him that is what she is trying to do now too. By turning the kids and their feelings, or what she says their feelings are, into reasons why we should not be together. What do you do in this situation? How long can I just ignore her talking bad about me and my children? How long can I sit back and watch her brain wash her own children into believing what she wants them to believe? These are all questions that I have asked myself and my partner while going through these past couple weeks. I know I'm not doing anything wrong and suggesting that their son who is going to be 7 soon, in the first grade and can't read a simple See Jane Run book without struggling through it, be tested and get services through the school. I know as a mother the hardest thing ever is to admit that your child has some sort of disability. I went through that denial as well so did his dad until I truly pointed things out to him and he started seeing them too. It's never an easy thing but when you have another adult in their life trying to make the situation even harder, it is just that, hard to deal with.

Any suggestions from people out there going through the same situations? I'm at my wits end on what to do and how to deal with this. Therapy might be in our near future at this point, the bad thing is my partner and I have no problem talking things through and coming up with solutions or resolving issues when we know how to do it, we are running out of ideas on this one though. After 4 years of them being divorced you would think she would just give up and realize he has a life and she can't control it anymore.
frvr24fn frvr24fn
31-35, F
1 Response Sep 13, 2012

My response: you NEVER, even if she does it for the next 50 years, respond to her "accusations" or "bad talk". Be the better person n ignore her. If it bothers you that much to read what she says about you, don't read the emails. She can say whatever she wants, you have no control over that, and honestly you shouldn't care. Just because she says it, does it make it true? No.
As far as your stepchildren, continue to build a strong healthy relationship with them without focusing on biomom. If you can develop a good relationship with them, they will see on their own what biomom says about you isn't true. Give it time. You're not going anywhere :-)