I Never Knew...

...I had one. Ive always been a quiet, shy person. Even when someone says a snarky comment to me I usually just keep all my anger inside. This past winter, a person in my family just said something so insulting about what they believed about me and it set me off. I started yelling to defend myself. For the first time in my life I actually stood up for myself. I was surprised I did it, but I needed to do it.
deleted deleted
1 Response Mar 12, 2010

I come from a rigid family structure. My father was an authentic 7 times awarded for bravery Marine Corp Aviator in WWII and Korea. I thought his name was Major until I was 8 or 9. To express anything, at all we had to wait until the Major was ready for hearing someone else. My mother fell, had to, I don't know maybe wanted to, into this routine as well. To disagree or express your own thoughts brought about either a flip flop across the closest body part, face to ***, or a belting or severe yelling by the Major. It wasn't until he died in my arms at 78 that I understood. Not that it made it allright. My personality with which I was born, didn't include anger, it was a concept I had to learn from my family. Yeah, it's deep, that concept, but I am not the least religious or follow dogma of anykind.<br />
Discover who you are, we aren't born with negativity of any kind, that is taught to us by life circumstances. But find yourself, and never sell out. <br />
Carlos Castaneda, a writer/philospher/grad student from the 70's, said it well, " ... any path is one of a million and we shouldn't follow any path unless it has heart..." and I have to paraphrase here as my memory gets lost, but it something like"... How do we know it has heart? Anybody would know that if asked of themselves, waited a moment, and felt the answer from their heart... but nobody ever asks..." Ask yourself, you are born with the knowledge, and it comes from Source,or God, or the Universe, or Buddha, or whatever you need or want to call it, but ask youself, who you are, and why you are who you are, and live it. Your family had their own paths, and none of them is yours.<br />
Just two other things that I use to help guide me: One is "It is not the past you need to change, it is the perception." And the other is that each of us has the right, THE RIGHT, to follow our path, as long as we don't infringe on the rights of others to walk their path."<br />
I hope this helps.