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Why Do We Argue?

I love my man. he is the best fiance.. i should say, i could ever ask for. but for some reason we always find ourselves arguing over one thing or another.

Over stupid things really. I don't even know if it's him causing the arguments. it could be me. I've got a problem and i know it. i pick at little things, the slightest things he does wrong, and i'm always firing up. I know i shouldn't but i can't help it.

I've never really learned how to control this. i wish i could because when we are not arguing, we are the most amazing couple.

He's the first man to ever make me feel comfortable, i can be myself around him and he won't love me any less. He doesn't even love me less after all the arguments i've caused over nothing, and that says something. I definately think that this is worth holding on to, because like i said, we are amazing when we get on!

I Just need some advice on how to control this. Or what to do.

Can anyone help?

LawRaJayne LawRaJayne 18-21, F 7 Responses Mar 18, 2009

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I have had to work on this myself. What I found helpful was this advice: You have to pick your battles. Give yourself rules and restrictions. Monitor yourself and your negative comments. I gave myself a quota for negativity. I was only allowed to say 2 negative things to my b/f per day. Then you have to realize that the way he leaves a mess of the toothpaste isnt worth losing him, and you only want to fight once that week so maybe you should save it for when he stays out late or doesnt call you... something that really matters. Once you practice your rules for a while they will become a habit and you won't have to use the rule system any more.

Arguments are never about "nothing," but often they are not about the apparent subject being discussed. Often, it is easier to pick on little things tp let off steam but the real conflict is about power. Also, some guys love it when their girlfriends start little fights about "nothing" because it adds some excitement to the affair while making them feel basically powerful and in control. If both of you like this game, keep it up. If not, figure out what the real conflict is about and solve it.

when both of you are in good mood talk to him about you being aggressive iam sure he'll undrestand you

arguing flares your emotions,

It causes drama,

you must have been stubborn and playful,

routine bores you too

let me ask, how is the sex after you argue?

you seem to be an assertive person, control your aggression

or know when to stop the argument, when to calm down

calming/stoping the argument is key.. stopping arguing is not.

and as much as you argue.. control the insults

Maybe make a list of the things that aggrivate you and have him do the same. Then, read each other's list, prioritize them and agree to only discuss the top 5. That should last a lifetime.

top website!

thanks

This advice was really really helpful to me:



http://1stholistic.com/reading/health/health-12-steps-tococommittment.htm



I hope you can find something in there that might apply to your life/situation.