Rock And A Hard Place

First of all, I want to say I love my boyfriend but I don't feel the same way I did in the earlier part of our 5 year relationship. He treats me well, I don't know why I can't just be satisfied. I've tried to convince myself to be content. We have a great apartment, two cats, my friend are his friends, etc.

 Aside from this, I got back in contact with an old friend of mine from years ago (we dated for a while about 7 yrs ago) who now lives hundreds of miles away and we have been in contact with each other almost every day for over a year now. I've developed feelings for him again. I find myself thinking about him often. Nothing direct has been said but I think these feelings are mutual. I have no idea what to do about this. First off, I can't stand the thought of hurting my boyfriend. It's the last thing I want to do. Also, my logical side won't let me forget what's at stake. If I were to break things off with my current man, then I stand to lose everything. My friends (who I met through him), our apartment, our cats (which were his going into the relationship but who I've come to love as my own). I would basically end up alone and living with my parents working on the assumption that somehow this long distance relationship will work out. And what then? We can't really date and I just know moving way the hell out where he is is a giant risk and probably a huge mistake.   All these things keep me from doing anything, meanwhile, I feel I may lose his affections and who could blame him since I am technically unavailable. So that brings me back to where I am now. In a relationship with a wonderful man who I do love but don't feel the same way I once did about and always in the back of my mind are the 'what if's and 'could be's of this other man. Any advice from someone who is/has been in a similar situation. I'm going insane over this!

moonlessnight moonlessnight
22-25, F
4 Responses Nov 16, 2009

I totally understand. Im scared that iI may be letting go of the best connection I may ever have with someone because I am in a current relationship that is secure and safe. The feelings iI have for the other man are taking over every bit of me. I think to myself, I want the kind of love that is so much it hurts, not the love that is safe. But am I willing to take that plunge and leave something great for something foreign and unknown? Just know that I think its a normal thing to feel. And I hope it works out for us both!

I am in the exact same situation. Can I ask what you ended up doing?

This is such a common situation. I am starting to think that we are just not meant to be with one person- but then how do you build a life, a family, a home? It is practical to be with one person but feelings can be overwhelming. I am so afraid to be a cheater, but I can't help but to develop feelings for other people other than my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend- we are best friends- but I cannot help but to think of others. <br />
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If you cannot be honest with the person about what you are feeling, than you have to re-evaluate the entire situation. It is so hard to hurt someone else but what is worse is that you are hurting yourself and him but NOT saying anything too. <br />
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For instance, I have told my boyfriend that I have feelings for other people, and he told me to go explore them but that he wasn't going to lose hope about us and our future. That alone made me want to stay. I am not sure if that was a healthy response from him or not, but I know I felt better having come clean about what I was feeling and was justified in knowing that he is truly my best friend. The guilt I would feel from being with another overpowers the enjoyment I may have with another.

OMG I can totally relate! I have been with my bf for over 9 years and have always love him dearly. Over the last year I have become closer to with one of my friends. I would tell myself over and over that I was not going to tell my crush how I felt...but the feeling became too much to bare. Two days ago I told him how I fel, and he said that the my feelings were mutual! Now I find myself in a predicament. The thought of telling my bf that I like another man breaks my heart. My bf loves me so much, and is even planning on proposing. I have never found myself in a situation like this ever in my life--and always thought that I would never be in such situation. I am an emotional wreck right now, I opened a can of worms when I shared my feelings with my crush.... I imagine what my bf's reaction will be when he finds out, I don;t want to face it, but I know that sooner or later everything will come uo to the surface. EVERYTHING MUST COME UO TO THE SURFACE--a seed must sprout, and that is what I can expect to happen. I can just picture it right now -- my bf crying, saying WHY? Him telling me that I should have been honest and up front with him. The problem for me is that I still love my bf--and my crush, he has a special place in my heart as well. Ughhh, why me? I have to make a decision and follow my heart.