It Doesn't Get Any Easier?...

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 18 months. I have been by his side throughout everything. The day we have been dreading the last 18 months is actually here. The day i have to watch him get on a bus and wont see him for a year. He tells me to be strong but it is so much easier said than done. His family is just starting to want to see him because he is leaving even thoug, before they didnt want anything to do with him. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, losing the ones you love because of death involved hurts but knowing the one you love with all your heart is headed off overseas breaks my heart. I know i need to be strong but sometimes I cannot help it and i break down. I can tell my boyfriend gets upset and frustrated, because it makes it harder on him knowing how upset I am. Not many people understand the pain and the strength it takes. I get asked all the time how i can do it and be faithful to him. The only thing i can say back is if you love someone enough you will get through it!..
proudarmygf11 proudarmygf11
18-21, F
14 Responses Oct 13, 2010

My boyfriend is leaving for Afghanistan in 7 days. I don't even know how to handle this, I try to never cry in front of him, actually I don't even think I could if I tried, but every time I leave the ba<x>se or he goes back up to ba<x>se I cant help but cry, usually its only a week or two I go without seeing him but at least I am able to talk to him everyday all day. Knowing that he'll be in Afghan and I have no idea how often I will be able to talk to him for the next six months in killing me inside. I am starting my final semester of college and this all just seems like too much for me to take on right now. I am not sure if I will see him before he leaves so I want to send something with his mom when she goes up to the ba<x>se to see him next but other than a letter that he can read and re-read before I get an address/location or whatever to send him more, I don't know what else to give him, I am thinking about giving him the ring that I wear everyday so he can place on a necklace and wear everyday but other than that I am not sure what else to do. I want to be sure that we feel as connected as possible without physically being together. I know I have to be strong for him, I mean after all he is the one fighting for our country, but this is just so hard and he is not even there yet. What should I expect?

Your right if you love someone you will get through it. NO girl needs to cheat on there boyfriend husband or whatever that makes them a horrible person! You it takes a really strong girl to do what we do. It's not an easy job. And sweetie your boyfriend does understand just at times its probably really hard on him being so far away he probably hates to see you like this. But there is nothing he can do about it so it probabaly makes him angry that he has to be away from you like he does.

I am lucky enough to have twi roommates that really understand and are always here if i just need someone to talk to. And I was scared that he wouldn't be home to me. Just this morning a young guy from Ft Drum was killed in Afghanistan and it scares me to death and i really feel for his family. i couldn't imagine going through it. But one thing he told me b4 he left was that he promised to come home to me. And i know he will keep his promise. I trust him with all my heart. Honestly you will never be ready for the day he leaves, no matter how much you try to get yourself ready for it, Every time my boyfriend and I talked about him deploying I would break down. I couldn't handle it, it broke my heart knowing he was leaving for so long and so far away. But the love gets you through it. Not talking to him or seeing him or hearing his voice hurts but knowing he loves me helps me get through it and stay strong for him.

Wow ! I so feel for you; i guess at the moment im not ready to deal with the fact that he is going next year..did u ever feel like that ? Like when he talks about it or when its on the news and radio i just cant bring myself to listen to it :/ . But i know im going to have to realise he is going. I think about it everyday..i image the day that he will leave..and i know itl be the hardest day ever. Is there any part of you that fears he wont come back to you ? :/ . Thats what im scared of. Yeah I get exactly the same questions, its well annoying lol. You get your mates saying aww you can do better and all the rest of it..Grrr! What do they know. Send me your email through ? ..thanks

My boyfriend left two weeks from today for Afghanistan.. It is the hardest thing to watch him walk away knowing that is the last time you will see him for a year. It's hard I'm not gonna lie but the love we share helps, it keeps you strong when you didnt think it was possible. Cherish this year you have with him. It will go by fast, i will warn you now lol. Your right not many people understand what your going through or how u do it.. I get asked all the time, well why do you do it? how can you be with someone you dont get to see everyday? is it hard? the questions never stop, and in all honesty we do it because we know what true love is. I hope this helps and you can always get ahold of me if u need anything

Proudarmyf11: I feel for you, my boyfriends going to afgan next year, and i cant stop thinking about it ? How did you deal with it? The questions people ask you, i get the same. Friends and family dont seem to understand ? ..Thats why i came on here and hoped other people would?..Hope to get a reply :) would mean alot

Thank you. I know i am dreading this coming week but once he is there means the sooner he will be back home to me. I cannot wait for it to get easier especially with college and then him in the army and deploying its a lot to handle but its worth it in the end.

No problem :). I can tell you guys love each other very much. It's just a bump in the road and after this deployment, everything will be back to the good ole days =). Time will heal your torment. I know it's hard to believe. I sure as hell didn't believe it when girls told me it would get easier. But it does. <br />
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I hope next weeks goes okay for you both. Always remember that you can use us EP girls to your advantage :) <3

Icedlemon- Thank you so much. Your comment helped me a lot. I know when we first found out the date that he would be leaving I was a mess, as any army girlfriend or spouse would be. I know it is just as hard on him but i tried to act happy and along with your bf he also told me he wanted me to show how i felt. If i kept it bottled up inside it would only make me feel worse. He doesn't want me to keep my emotions from him. Although, I understand everyone if different and think about things differently. next week is going to be the hardest week ever, but I know i have to be strong for the both of us as will he but just like you said and my bf has told me to express how i feel. He would feel better and be happier if he knew how i was really feeling rather than pretending to be someone i am not.<br />
Thank you so much!

Hi! My boyfriend of six years went to Afghanistan some time ago and he's returning soon. I can totally understand where you're coming from. It's really hard the first month. Crying definitely helped for me. If you don't have anyone around you that understands what you're going through, how else are you going to have an outlet for all your emotions, right?<br />
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I always tried to sound happy when he called. One day he told me, "You don't always have to be happy, because I know my deployment has been really hard on you. It bothers me that you always put up this positive, happy, rainbows and bubbles attitude when I know that's not exactly how you feel." I was extremely thankful that he understood how I felt. He added, "Deployments are worse for people left behind at home, because people at home don't know what's going on". Soldiersgirl011 is totally right. He called me out on me crying inside. :p <br />
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Everyone is different. What strong means for them can mean something totally different to you. When the time comes, you'll get into a routine that makes you feel comfortable. Every deployment is different as well. Some people get to go online everyday and call home everyday, some don't get that luxury. Unfortunately I wasn't able to talk to my boyfriend much since July. <br />
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Please be patient with yourself! I took quite some time to adjust to this life. You're going to need some time too. I'll keep you and your boyfriend in my thoughts. If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to message me. :)

Thank you so much soldiersgirl011.. it is hard some people take it easier than others. <br />
I agree with what you have said it means a lot to know you understand just as well as i do! thank you again.

proudarmygf11 - My boyfriend of 3 years is in the Army, he hasn't been deployed yet luckily, but I totally undestand where you're coming from, and part of being so in love with our soldiers is that "even if we don't break down crying, they know we're crying inside..." I totally disagree with GratitudeMonster... It's healthy to show our feelings, NO not cry & moan ALL THE TIME, that's not even what you we're saying! It's normal and HEALTHY to reveal your emotions to eachother. It doesn't mean you're not strong... You have to pull yourself out of bed everyday and PRETEND you're happy even if you're not but you're going to have your moments where you break down. THAT'S OKAY!! And you're right, the difference is that we haven't been through this before, it's new, and it's hard, and it will get easier WITH TIME... So I think GratitudeMonster - as a former Marine Girlfriend you out of all people should understand what proudarmygf11 is going through! She needs SUPPORT, honestly, none of what you said helped, it actually made things worse.. It even made me feel worse!! Us girls who are new to the military would LOVE former military girlfriends to give us advice and support, not ride in here all high and mighty and act like it's easy!!! Sorry to be blunt, but that's exactly how you're reply sounded! Have some compassion for us...<br />
Stay Strong proudarmygf11, know there are girls like me and you going through this everyday... If you ever need to talk just message me. I'm here : )

He understands just as much as I do how much it hurts. I am and will always be with him whether it be emotionally or physically. I appreciate your advice but the way I feel and how it is does not mean I am a drama queen it means I care and I know I have to be strong for the both of us, But it is just as hard for the ones left behind as it is for the ones deployed (obviously depending on the person). The difference is you have had the experience, this is my first time going through something like this and it won't be the last. Although, you say..that hes probably thinking" why is she crying" he knows. He knows and understands where I am coming from just as well as I know how he is feeling about the whole situation. Thank you for your advice and support!!

My first piece of advice is: stop breaking down. Men don't normally show emotions but how hard this is for you is worse for him. You get to be in the safety of your own home while he will be somewhere foreign and dangerous. You need to stop what you're doing and be strong because you are only making it worse. Stop being a drama queen and wake up. Realize that your boyfriend needs your strength more than anything. This is from experience, sweetie. My boyfriend and I have been together 4 1/2 years and he's a former Marine. My stepdad is a former Marine. I know what it's like to miss someone who leaves for extended periods of time. You WILL get through this. But, he will come home to you. You need to pull yourself together and realize that your strength will give him the strength. He's probably scared out of his wits and having his girlfriend cry and moan about HER feelings probably makes him feel worse because HE is the one putting his life in danger. NOT you. Women don't realize how their whining and crying only makes their man feel worse because they are thinking, "Um, you get to stay here with your friends and family. I have to go into a war zone. Why are you crying?" Be strong. It takes a special kind of woman to be with a military man and YOU are that strong woman. =) I am not trying to be mean, I just want you to be supportive and don't cry until after he leaves or at least don't cry in front of him. Write him letters constantly, even if you don't get one back right away. Send him care packages. Always have your phone on so if he calls at 3 a.m. you can answer. How supportive you are matters the most because these men and women need supportive family and friends back home to help them through. It will be hard. But, you will make it through. You're a sweetheart and you deserve the best. Good luck!