New Bf To Be Deployed: How To Bring Up Staying Together? How To Show Support? How To Cope? What To Expect?(Sorry this is kinda long -- I just really need to share my story and get some advice from people who know what it feels like.)
I am pretty much freaking out. My boyfriend and I have only been together for three months, and he deploys to Afghanistan in June, so we will have only been together five months when he leaves. We care very much about each other, but we haven't recently talked about what will happen when he leaves. We knew he would be deployed (and when) when we first met, in January, and at the time, we just decided that we like each other and we'd see where it goes, but we sort of had an unspoken understanding that our "fling" would end when he went to A-stan. Well, our relationship turned out to be wonderful, and we both developed feelings we weren't really expecting to have. Although I've read that men tend to become distant before deploying, my boyfriend hasn't been distant in any way -- in fact, he has seemed to get even closer, but whether that's a result of our relationship progressing or him getting nervous about leaving and needing support, I don't know. Is this distance--or the opposite--something any of you have experienced? How did you cope with the distance, and should I be worried that he wants to break up if he becomes distant, or is it just a natural part of preparing for deployment?
What I am really worried about at the moment is that he will want to break up, maybe because he won't want the distraction (although, thankfully, he will be working in a secure bunker the whole time, not fighting), maybe because he thinks that our unspoken understanding from the beginning is still intact, or maybe because he knows it will be really hard on me to go nine months without him (I'm pretty emotional and definitely attached). I haven't yet brought up the fact that I want to stay together for two reasons: 1.) It's still a few months away, and I wonder if I should let the relationship run its course a little longer; and 2.) He just left this morning for a month of on-ba
I'm thinking this month will be a trial run, to see how we really feel about each other (whether we want to try to make it work while he's deployed), and to see if we can make it work long-distance (because even though we'll still see each other this month, our visits will be limited).
Please, I really need some advice! What do you think of my approach for handling the stay-together talk? How did you girls (the ones with newish boyfriends) do it? Do you have any advice for how to cope with him leaving -- how to deal right at the beginning (when I imagine it's the worst) and then later on, as well? And can someone who's been through it give me some idea of what the communication is like -- how often do you get to email, talk by phone, and use a computer to video chat? Also, what kinds of things did you ladies give your men before they left, and what do you send in care packages? I am so lost!
Thanks so much in advance! I want to be supportive of my boyfriend, but I need support, too, and I don't want to ask it of him -- he has enough on his mind without having to worry about how I'm coping with his deployment.
eryenne 26-30, F 10 Responses 0 Apr 2, 2011