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My Soldier May Be Leaving More Than The Country..

I've been dating my soldier for 5 years on and off..he will be facing his second tour in December this year, and I'm scared he may be trying to call it quits on our relationship.

I met my boyfriend over 5 years ago, and from the beginning I knew he would be going into the Army. I was only 16 when he left, but decided to give distance a try. Looking back now, I realize I was a little immature for the strain distance can have on a relationship. We broke it off soon after he got out of basic, but remained friends throughout and during his first tour in 2009. When he got back in 2010, we decided to give things another shot, and have been together ever since. We've talked about marriage someday, but agreed we're both a little too young for that right now - he's 22 and I'm 20.

For the past four weeks he's been training for deployment and hasn't been able to communicate at all. We had our first conversation yesterday in weeks, and it became quickly aware that something had changed. He showed no emotion in texts or calls, and ended up telling me that he is questioning his strength in the relationship, and isn't sure if he can handle a relationship on top of stresses he has with his job..

I've heard hundreds of stories about the significant other of a soldier saying they aren't strong enough, but never heard the soldier questioning his own strength.

I was wondering if anyone has been through this, and if there's anything I can tell him to try and comfort him during this. He's trying to figure out if he can handle a relationship during his deployment, and has been putting a lot of guilt on himself because he can't be here for me. Is there anything I can do/say to reassure him that I'm fine? Anything that I can do period??

Thanks for reading! :)
andreagene andreagene 18-21, F 3 Responses Aug 29, 2011

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My soldier dumped me right before he left for drill one month, he was facing a deployment and this was supposed to be his last drill before he actually went to training. i gave him his space. (I might have texted him once or twice.) And as soon as he got back, he said it made him realize how much he really cared about me. And how can you say no to that?! Just hold on tight! If you are meant to be, it will work out. :) I hope I helped a little!

I definitely don't want the relationship to end, but he's scaring me so much by saying he doesn't know if he can handle a relationship during deployment! If anyone would end it it would be him..He hasn't talked to me at all today and I've tried sending him texts but he's not responding to me anymore.<br />
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I'm trying to give him space, it's just really difficult..I'm not used to it.

Hi andreagene,<br />
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I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he went to Afghanistan yesterday. He is ba<x>sed in Germany, but for the last 3 weeks leading up to the tour, he was preparing for tour in Salisbury, England so I thought he would be able to get a little more time to call me....how wrong I was! Because he was so busy, he just didn't have any time to call me.<br />
He was back in Germany for about a week before deployment and everyday I asked him if he had time to skype, even just a few minutes, all i wanted to do was talk to him (we were texting but i just wanted to hear his voice!) We ended up having an argument which i am putting down to pressure on both of us on his upcoming deployment.<br />
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Sorry for the waffle, but what i'm trying to get at is, the period before deployment is an extremely emotional time, and if your boyfriend is like mine, he will not admit that for one minute! When you have such a long relationship, with so many memories and emotions at stake please don't think about splitting up before he goes away. Obviously it's only my advice & you don't have to take it but I know what it feels like!<br />
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Me and my boyfriend made up before he went away, he can be really stubborn so i just ended up giving in, just because I couldn't stand to be the way were were with each other before he went away!<br />
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I hope this helps, feel free to contact me :) x