I Need Some Optimism Right Now.

I also posted this story in "I am a Navy Girlfriend"

Ron left for bootcamp today, but I had to say my goodbyes last night at the hotel in St. Louis since I live so far out of the city.
He called me at four this morning when he woke up like he said he would.
Then he called me again at two-ish. He was at the airport, so we got to talk for fifteen minutes. He had been trying to call me all day, but none of the calls would go through. One of the guys he was shipping out with let him use his cell phone when he saw how frustrated Ron was getting. I missed the call, but was able to call back. I feel so much better when I get to hear his voice, but now it's gone. He's going to use his one call from bootcamp to call me, but I know that has to be a short call. Then, I have to wait for weeks before he gets to send letters.
I feel so lost and confused and angry and sad. I just want to punch something. I can't stop crying. I can't eat. I feel better when I'm sleeping, but I can't do that forever. I live in the sleepiest town on the face of the earth, so there's not much to distract me. This feels a thousand times worse than I thought it would. I keep listening to the voice message he left earlier just to hear him. I never thought I could feel like this. I feel like I'm going crazy. It feels like someone stabbed me in the chest, twisted it around a few times, then took it out and stabbed me some more. I just want him here more than anything... I need him now more than I ever have, but this is the only time I can't have him. I want to feel his arms around me and his lips against my skin...I want him home...
Please, please tell me what I need to do. Please give me some blinding optimism. Please give me some advice. Does this pain ever lessen? Is this ever going to get easier? I'm seriously falling apart...
JMQRMM JMQRMM
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 28, 2010

I understand how you feel, and i feel like when my sailor leaves for Boot camp. im going to feel the same way. :( hold your head up and be strong.

Hey girl. Yes, it does get easier. It gets easier as soon as you get that first letter! And, let me tell you, that first letter is going to be AMAZING! My fiance is in boot for the Marines, and he still has about a month and a half. But, you need to keep yourself busy. You need to hang out with your friends and family more than ever right now. They're not going to understand what you're going through, but they will try. And, they can keep your mind of off everything. Just keep your head up. I don't know much about the Navy, but I know that all us girls are going through the same thing no matter what branch of the military our guys are in. Just message me if you ever need anything!