My Relationship With The Love Of My Life
When I met my boyfriend Eric, I never thought that we would end up being in a relationship, but for some reason I knew that I was supposed to get to know him better. At the time that I met him I was at a rocky point in my life. I had just ended a long relationship with someone that I now realize I didn't really love. I was, and am still currently, a fulltime student working to get my Veterinary Technician degree in a two year long program where I only get 5 days off a year and I was also working a fulltime job when he and I met. He worked in the gas station that was right down the street from my house that I would stop in to almost everyday for coffee. He and I never really talked until a few months after I saw him there, but once we did I knew I liked him. He wasn't like the normal guys I had dated. He was the type of guy that i knew I was going to have a hard time figuring out.
During the time that I just knew of him I was dating around trying to find someone that I could be with, but nothing was sticking. I finally broke down and asked him to hangout in August of last year, and he said yes. It took a week or so for us to actually get together but we finally did. He came over to hangout with a friend of mine at a house party. I wasn't normally the type of girl who went out alot but I ended up doing that just for a month or two last year. He came over and he and I ended up talking outside of the apartment for hours before he told me he was going to give me a ride home because he was worried about me driving. I didn't want the night to end so he and I went and sat in the hottub at my house just to talk. We ended up sitting across the hottb from each other talking for upwards of 6 hours. I knew at the end of that night that I was done for and that I was going to end up falling in love with him. The only problem was, that he was going to be leaving for basic training 2 months from then on november 4th. He and I both knew that that wasn't enough time for us to develop a good relationship, but it was something that we never really aknowledged.
We had the best 2 months of my life, just hanging out and spending everyday together. The conversation about him leaving finally came up about 3 weeks before he was supposed to leave and neither of us knew what to do. We knew at that point that neither of us were in love but we both knew were heading that way, so we agreed to just see what was going to happen.
When the week he was supposed to leave came, I was beyond upset. I didn't even want to think about it. And in the week prior he had even had me meet his parents, which was terrifying. When he did that I knew that there was going to be no way this was going to end anytime soon. So nov 4th comes and I said my goodbyes, trying not to cr the whole time. But the next day I get a phone call from an unavailable number, I'm expecting it to be Eric just calling me to tell me he got there safe. It was Eric but he was calling me from the recruiting station across town. I didnt get the full explination until I came to pick him up, and then I found out that he hadn't made weight so he had to wait another four months to leave, on March 3rd. I was extremely happy that I was going to get to spend more time with him, but also I felt terrible for the situation he was in. He had given up his job, car and apartment so he was really up the creek without a paddle at this point.
He ended up moving in with me for the four months he was here, and I couldnt be happier. But it was a very trying time in our relationship. He had alot going on and he is the type of guy who gets stressed easily, so it was difficult. Over that time though we were able to actually decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend and to really try and make a long term relationship work. We spent holidays together and did as much as we could while he was here.
The only problem we ever had was over the word Love.He and I are both the type of people who don't fall easily but when we do, we fall hard. I fell in love with Eric alot sooner than I would have thought, and staying true to myself, I fell hard. He still hasn't though. I know he is close though, and he tells me that all the time. Our biggest problem is that we have been togehter almost every single day since we started dating over 6 months ago and neither of us have ever had the ability to answer the question that he needs to know if he is in love with someone. His biggest question is, Can I live without her?
This is the most upseting and terrifying thing about our relationship. I am trying my hardest to be the supportive girlfriend, but I am terrified that he is going to leave and realize that he can live without me. He is going to be gone for 5 months for basic and A school, then he is home for 2 weeks and then he gets stationed somewhere. I am so worried that he is not going to have the opportunity to finally love me and that I am going to lose him.
He leaves for basic a week from Tuesday on the 2nd and I am terrifyed. I know I am going to miss him so much becuase he is my only form of a support system. I don't have a family like he does for support, he is it for me. I am a very independant person but I rely on him for so much emotionally. I will have his family and our friends when he is gone but I don't know how I am going to cope. I am still hoping and praying that he will love me before he leaves but I don't know. I am going to do my best to be as strong as possible, but living wihtout him for the first time is going to be harder than I think it will be.
I never dreamed that the guy I chit chatted with every morning before school would be the guy I would want to spend the rest of my life with, but he is. I honestly can't see myself without him. I just hope that we are going to be able to make our relationship work. I am going to try my best but my family is not very supportive and it makes it difficult or me to stay strong and possitive when all I hear is that our relationship is going to fail. It's hard but I will make it work.
The hardest thing for me is going to be falling asleep every night without him, and not having there for me when I get home from my long days. I love him so much and I'm hoping and praying that I will have some definity and reassurance before he leaves.He makes me happier than I have ever been with anyone and I can't imagine my life without him.