Feeling lonely without my pilot boyfriend

My American Boyfriend is a pilot and he has choosen voluntary to join the army for twice 4 months to go on mission to Iraq. Monday february 9th he will depart from USA to there. It is horrible for me. I am dutch, life in the Netherlands and we already are together for 9 monts, it is a distance relationship. My boyfriend is not so talkative and he doesn't like to send email and to call. I don't know how we have to survive these first 4 months...How many times a month or a week is it normal to call?? I want to call  once a twice a week...Can I tell him he has to do that or I just have to wait for the moments he will call me??I am afraid we won't call me than every week and I think I can't force him...What is normal? Furthermore, most of my friends and family doesn't understand my relationship and I feel lonely in my situation..(I have some friends and some family members who understand me)  Last week I cried a lot..I cannot sleep well anymore, don't want to see a lot of friends, I am sitting alone in my appartment and do only all the things what I have to do and see only my best friends..why am I in love with my special Justin in a distance relationship..we saw each other now in 9 months 4 weeks..but we feel so close to each other..the love of my life..I am afraid there will happen something worse there. He said to me he is not able to tell me what kind of flying he has to do..I hate it...It stresses me...makes me tired and sad don't know what he has to do...Do you all don't know what your boyfriends are doing?? is this because my boyfriend is a pilot?? is it normal not to know it?? He is also looking forward to go there and he doesn't understand on deeper level that it is for me difficult. I am scared for the moment to see him again, because I think this mission will change his life....I know I have to be strong and I am strong. I love him with all my heart, I want a future with him. My dear Boyfriend, I think he is also afraid to be in a relationship, he is used to do everything on his own..so that is also an other point that is difficult..I let him free to do what he wants, but I want to life with him in 1,5 year. Does someone have advice for me??? I am so insecure and I don't want to ask him the whole time stupid questions or be sad on the phone or skype...He also don't need so much contact as I need...does someone know if our boyfriend can call for cheap and if they can call privately and if they have internet acces in their rooms??? Can we call them??

How do I have to coop with this?? I would like it to have contact with girls who are in the same situation, to mail..and maybe go on skype..my email is: evelien_hartman@yahoo.com. my skype is evelien60 Every day I hope it is already June and I can see him....and than i still don't know if he is busy with flying in usa or other countries the 3 months he doesn't have to serve in Iraq. His parents also don't know of us because they are oldfasioned in some cases..and I think not so openminded..I would like it they know about us..His brother will marry in June and I know already the chance is very big I cannot be there.. I hope you all have some advice for me..I love him and it is very special if we are together..we are ment for each other...it is like a fairytale..we've met in Surinam april 30th 2008.   kus Eef   

Evelien Evelien
22-25, F
11 Responses Feb 7, 2009

i have had alot of relationships and most of them are long distance. When i saw your situation, i felt like you are like me in the past. You need to focus on yourself more, think about what you want in a guy, and if this guy could give u something you want. If you wanna talk on skype for twice a week, and he doesnt feel the same way, then you have to know how much does he deserves you to sacrifice. Long distance relationship requires alot of future planning to feel secure about him, such as does he want to get married after he comes back, or he is going to bring you over with him. Loves should make you feel happy, if it causes you alot of trouble then give up and see how things go, hang out with your friends, meet more people. Remember one thing is your own happiness comes first, if he makes you feel frustrated, then focus on something else, coz time will give u an answer

I really agree with this comment!

Yes bet his Mission is : Bomb more Places and Kill-Murder more People in Iraq , Lets steal more Oil from there --___--

Really! Humm I will google it get more in on it. I have been blessed he's been state side so I haven't had to use my computer to talk with him. However I do need to brush up on that kind of stuff thanks! (can ya use it on a Mac?)

Hey frogs skype is free phone and webcam on the internet. My husband and I use it all the time. It is great you can use it at internet cafes and on your laptop if your husband can bring his.

LOL Airbornewife4life, easy now even I forgot she is from overseas and young lets not scare her more then i have off line! Evelin is a sweet kid, and you and I are well, more senior, at this then she is...yea I almost called myself old, lol....Evelin I have heard people talking about Skype what is that? Also I want you to ask Justin about OPSEC. He can give you allot more detail then I can and it should come from him ok? And ya when the guys are deployed we mostly duct tape our cells to us. I wish I could give you a happy rainbow answer to the phone thing, but there is no such thing. Welcome to the start of price of freedom...

um yea try telling him he "has to call" ... let me know how THAT works out for you. Sweetie, your boyfriend is in a war zone he calls when he can. Not trying to be rude just realistic.

hey there! don't worry too much about him not contacting you that often- the military keeps our boys very busy and when they're not busy sometimes they get stressed and depending on their personalities- that means they kind of shut down emotionally, especially when deployment is involved. it doesn't mean they love us less. i had a really hard time w/ the insecurity thing when i first started dating my bf because of the communication. i always freaked out when i didn't hear from him all day, and then i would find out that he was just really busy that day. i haven't heard from my bf since the day last thursday when he deployed- and i really have no idea when i will get to hear from him again, but we just have to be strong and understand that they are just doing their job. o and OPSEC or operations security is the regulations on the stuff that we can't say about where our soldiers are or what they're doing in order to keep them safe- i think, correct me if i'm wrong girls. i'm still really new to the whole military girlfriend thing too so message me if you ever wanna talk :)

The comment helps me a lot, i will send him email if I want...and I will ask him in en email of he has an own phonenumber or not. Last night I was a couple of hours on skype with him and that was very nice...that gives me some rest and happiness..all the small things are important. What is OPSEC?? What are your boyfriends/ spouses doing over there and in which base are they siatuated?? I am also so unsecure..scared that he won't care about me if he doesn't contact me frequently..but I know I have to be strong...to be in contact with you girls, helps a lot!e big hug Eef

Well while I am sorry he hasn't emailed or called, has it occured to you that he really can't talk about what he fly's because of OPSEC. If he didn't want to tell you, or couldn't tell you, because he didn't want that info known to the public, it's not personal it is just his job. Also a bit of advise, I would not call him. Let him call you even if he has his own cell. You don't want to call him at a bad time while working. If you need or want to talk about this off line just private message me ok? Frogs2010

i hope things work out for you and him.

hmm...<br />
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Well my boyfriend isn't a pilot, but he calls as often as he can.<br />
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It couldnt hurt to call, if he can't talk, he just wont pick up.<br />
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Leaving him cute voicemails helps him to know you care.<br />
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