A Bad Week

I'm having a really hard time this week. It is the first week since he left 2 months ago that I haven't had ANY communication with him!  I'm trying really hard not to overreact, but I'm having a tough time. 

I know it wasn't that he didn't have any time this week to email me or post something on FB because I can see he's been writing on other friends walls and stuff.  I write him a letter every single day - I've done it since he was first mobilized at the end of last summer.  And he used to comment on them, and try to write me back about once a month.  I sent him an email Friday, and he didn't resond.

I'm starting to feel like maybe he's not into this relationship anymore.  Some of you already know I've been feeling like this for a while, but this week it just seems to much worse.

Am I "allowed" to write him about it?  I know everyone says we need to be strong for them, and just to let them know we are here for them and love them.  And I DO love him, but right now it just feels like I love a wall - I'm not getting anything from him emotionally.  What do I do? How do I keep this up for another 7 mos? 

zil620 zil620
26-30, F
5 Responses Mar 8, 2009

I want to thank all you wonderful ladies for the encouragement and support - it has mean ta grat deal to me.<br />
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Sadly, my boyfriend broke up with me. It's come as a shock to me. Everything had been "normal" (as normal as can be expected with a deployment". We were having an email conversation about him potentially staying for another year and my reaction. Then I didn't hear from him for two weeks. <br />
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When I finally did, it was a generic email. The next day I asked him to make the time to get online. He did, and he basically told me he didn't love me, he didn't want to be in a relationship, and that he didn't see things going anywhere. <br />
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I tried to ask him if it was the deployment or his actual feelings. He couldn't or wouldn't answer me. <br />
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In an attempt to "let me down easy" he said we could maybe try again once he gets home and is settled back into normal life.<br />
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My heart is broken. And I'm so sad and confused.

Girl! I recognise your story, i had exaclty the same as you last friday!!! really and connection cut off too! I cried the whole weekend! GIrl i want to give you a big hug. And than the fact you send a long letter, I also did and you don't get any response back! My boyfriend didnt tell ma I got it..so yours is more positive. Yes an on skype my bf told me also you deserve better, something how pay more attention to you, write more emails etc and everything you write he told me too! Spo i noticed after about half an hour everytime connection will cut off so ..keep time in mind and say in that time what you want to say and only the most important things..make sure you also say something positive. and my by gave my compliments in that conversation he, you are bauetifull but i think it is better to be alone..but at same time he gave me a lot time to talk....my bf is not talkative at all and i give much more than I get you know, but he thinks all the time about me etc etc...i think you bf want to saty together with you..but now they live in a whole other world! they change and think about a lot...let him feel comfortable: say that you can imagine he thinks that because it is easy to be alone because he doesn't have to share his fellings and open up, he can do what he wants and he thinks he cannot do what he wants if you are together..but you give him all the space..see now..together and he is in iraq..it is easy to dont take responsibility for your private life..stay flirting with him telling that and also tell him you love him and you be there for him and tell him also that he is precious for you and you will not let him go. make him some compliments and in fact he is a bit clumsby maybe or doesnt know what to write you in an e-mail and tell him that he write that even if that is the whole mail..so i did this with my bf too and it helped..we didnt talked anymore about my long letter for him..my guy doesn't know how to respond but Ia m sure he red it very well..I send him after our conversation a nice email..a flirty one with examples like do you still now the first time we ve met or this and this ...and really you will get back an email girl...even I haha...talk, mail about funny things..about how you want him, miss him...not so serious now...let him laugh and than he will also make you laugh;) I hope it works also for you.. but you have to know...he will stay together girl! fight for it..which date will he come back, which month? write you thaughts down in a diary and if you are together tell him face to face everything you want because with this bad internet connection it will give problems he...it is so not nice if there is no connection and i have to week for one week for the other skype meeting than..so annoying..we have contact moments he wants..but it is like that now. Girl you are not alone! we help each other all! A big hug and a kiss for you

So I mailed him a letter about how I was feeling. He tried calling me 4 times the day he got the letter and finally got ahold of me - but all he said was that he got the letter. I got to talk to him again a few days later. But then two days after that, we had a sort of fight on IM. <br />
He was saying some BS about how I deserve better, someone not halfway around the world. I tried to get him to talk to me, and basically he said he didn't feel there was an us, he didn't feel like he had a heart, and I deserved someone who was "willing to make the time to call, write, or email." When I tried to push a little, he asked me why I was trying to make it a break-up conversation. I told him I wasn't, but that was what he was sounding like. <br />
Then our connection got cut off. I was a wreck. We ended up chatting on IM again the next day, but he acted like nothing was wrong. <br />
He's still very distant. But now I'm a wreck. What if he really doesn't feel like there is an us? He doesn't want an us? I'm trying SO hard to give him the benefit of the doubt, but . . .<br />
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hey Girl,<br />
I know also exaclty how you feel. My bf also is every my space and doesn't send me emails so often. That is not nice he. I fI sent him emails he doesn't respond only if i write it is really important. Well I am every week one time on skype with him for i think 15 minutes and I also asked hij why his behaviour is like that.he told me firtsly he thinks about me all the time and that he misses me. He also explained me he made a box in his mind where he put in all his thoughts about me and us and he tries to close is the whole time, because otherwise it would be to difficult. he likes to be there and do his job but it wil drive him crazy to miss me all the time. To be honest, I do understand him but if I like it, than is something different. I also ask every time on skype if he wants to share something with me, things what he has done and than he tells me the days are similar a bit. He doesn't now what to tell and otherwise he tells me only and that is much than: i played poker with the guys or ride a bicycle or the food is salty. So girl, you have to know he still cares about you and loves you. Guys coop different with their feelings as us girls. It is important to be honest with him about your feelings. Don 't attack him but write him that it is difficult for you too, als write what you like about him...soo he doesn't have to feel attacked and become more silence. you can alsways contact me . evelien_hartman@yahoo.com

If you feel as though he is making an effort for other people but is CHOOSING not to make the effort for you then I definitely think you need to ask him, I know I would. It's a little different if he is honestly that busy with all he's doing over there. But it is well within your rights to know what is going on in his world and in his head and heart. Things are hard for them over there, but they are also hard for us here, and if he's not willing to put in the effort to maintain your relationship then it really isn't worth it for you to keep devoting yourself to him. At least for me it wouldn't be.