My Bipolar Boyfriend Gives Me Silent Treatment...

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years.  We have known each other since we were children.  As a matter of fact, we were each others childhood crushes.  We had other boyfriends and girlfriends before we got together.  When we were in the "getting to know you" stage, he was well off in his life and I was starting to launch off in my career.  It took us several years to actually get together due to various reasons.  However, when we finally got together things were great. 

About 3 years into our relationship, there was a "silence" between us initiated by him.  He did not respond to any of my phone calls, texts, e-mails or snail mail.  This lasted 6 months!  We ran into each other at a mutual friends birthday party and from there picked-up where we left off.  Fast forward 2 years later, it happened again.  He shut himself out from me and there was a silence between us of course initiated by him.  Fortunately, this only lasted 3 months. 

Now to the present, it's been 3 weeks since I've seen him and 1 1/2 weeks since I've heard from him.  I could feel in my gut that this "silence" was going to occur again due to his paterns of getting back to every other text or even day.  I'm so confused yet so concerned.  I love this man to death but I can only take so much of the silence.  Call me crazy but the silence is so LOUD!! 

Any advice?  Should I stay or just cut the cord? 

ConfusedButConcerned ConfusedButConcerned 26-30, F 9 Responses Apr 29, 2010

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I ran across my ex boyfriend after many years of being married then divorced. We struck up a friendship by text and email for 6-7 months. One day he stopped responding to me. After asking what was wrong a few times, to which he replied "nothing", I quit contacting him. We didn't talk for 5 months. Then he sent me flowers on my birthday and we started chatting again. Phone calls, texts, emails, etc...We fell in love again then started make plans to see each other. (We live in different states) Our reunion was wonderful..he talked about moving back here. We chatted all day and night every night then he came here for a week one month later. It was great again. We seemed so in love and we have never had even an argument. He would send flowers, text all through the day and was never anything but almost perfect.

Then.....he starts acting odd again. This was two weeks ago. I am going to visit him in 2 weeks and he says he still is anxious to see me. But I haven't talked to him in 4 days. His last email says it "isn't that simple for him". He has seemed very depressed and withdrawn. He doesn't go out or have friends, just his daughter that he sees on Sundays and occassional golf with buddies from work. I am not worried that he is seeing someone else just that he seems so depressed and has totally shut down from me. He says we'll talk it out when I get there so I don't know if we'll even talk again for 2 weeks.

I know only a professional could diagnose but doesn't this seem like "not normal" behavior? He is normally the sweetest most thoughtful man I know. Thanks for any input. I don't know what to do except to leave him alone but I want to support him. (We are bother in our 40's if that matters)

My boyfriend of one year is actually doing this to me again for the 4th time. When hes in his mania state or whatever things are great! We dont fight, in fact we've never fought. First 3 times he's dumped me it was cold hearte, plain and simple its over. Then I dont hear from him for a while and we eventually start talking again. This time we made it about 5 months, we were making plans to live together, and were looking for a place. Then unlike last time he actually tried to open up and tell me he gad been unhappy the past couple weeks and dont know why, he lost interest in sex, and just wanted to take a break because the thought of moving in with me and my 6 year old daughter sxared him... Valid, so I agreed and told him I would be here for him. Well a strange car had been in his driveway during this "break" so I decided to stop by one night to check on him... Big mistake, he wasnt cheating on me turns out thats a friend of his room mates but he got pissed that I didnt give him his space, I tried to explain to him I thought maybe he was seeing someone else and I was pissed but I was sorry, and he responded with "be pissed, we are done" over facebook none the less. He changed his status to single and thats the last I've heard from him. Its been 2 days into this silent treatment no contact what so ever and its killing me. I am so afraid I messed up by stopping by but I know he loves me. I know he cant help these moods it just kills me that he can be the same ol happy go lucky guy around every one else BUT all of a suden hates me.. Again. I know he'll call eventually but it is hard to deal with. I understand. Good luck sweet heart. :/

I am currently receiving the silent treatment from my "bf"... He has not been diagnosed that I know off so I am not sure if he is bi-polar, BPD, nacissistic or what but his behavior and emotions are NOT normal. We have been on/off for nearly 2 years. I got so frustrated once with everything that I blew up at him/ the shady stuff and we did not speak for nearly 5 months. So when we started chatting again a few months ago I expected some hesitation and "rough waters" but this is worse than before. I never know when the vanishing act will happen. He will tell me he'll call or we will chat soon then...GONE. And although he says he wants to be with me and loves me, it just does not seem to be there anymore. I know he still talks to others but just vanishes and ignores me. I email and IM and nothing, yet he can sign in and talk to other ppl (girls)....How can one treat someone they love with such disregard?! If one wants to end it then do it? Why try to pause the relationship by having no contact. I don't know whether to stay or go.... But yes the silence it suffocating! To the point that my panic attacks and depression are starting to come back....I just want some resolution one way or the other. Good luck to all of us sufferers!!

my sitation is different me & my boyfriend weve been together for 3 years now and his also giving me the silent treatment right now and i tell u it is very painfull cause u dont know whether he still loves or what , why i say my situation is different it because he will spend time with his friends but will not spend time with me when i call him everything is normal & if i ask him if he needs a break he says no he still loves me can any one help me on that one

I know exactly how you girls feel. My boyfriend and I have only been dating for 3 months. The only difference with him is, he warns me that he's done this before. Last week we had a fight which now, he tells response was understandable. However, since then I feel that same silence. He still talks to me now and then yet his emotions are almost gone. He will laugh with me and last night we kissed; semi-normal. He assures me how he feels is not because of me but I still miss him terribly and I love him. He tells me he does love me and doesn't want us to fall apart but with how his bipolar is being right now, it's difficult to say he loves me right now because it's difficult for him to show any emotion. Last night he did do his typical air kiss at me which I love and it makes me smile..and he smiled back. So I have hope.=) . Last time he did this; he said he shut himself out from everyone..all he did was wake up-go to work-come home-watch TV. I'm willing to give him his space and assured him I wouldn't blow his phone up constantly with messages. At the same time..this silence is killing me and I can't tell you how happy I am right now to find other people going through the same. I no longer feel alone. I know he cares about me, just right now..he's in his low moods, mainly triggered by the stress of having to find somewhere to live. I am thankful however, that he has the patterns of his bipolar under control (he's able to warn me)..Though his is minor, I've dealt with much worse cases; one ended up in suicide; so my history thusfar is less than pleasant and I always expect the worst. Hopefully he can help me in that regard. Being with someone who is bipolar is not easy but if you love the person and are willing to cope with the everyday things, I think it makes you a much stronger person. But that's just my opinion. Hang in there, girls!

I was doing pretty good for the 2 ½ weeks…Suddenly out of no where I am feeling really crappy. I think it’s because I miss him so much. I wish I could promise myself that it would get better but I can’t either. I just thought to myself before I read your post that I should go see someone to help me out some. My friends have been there but it’s not like I can rely so much on them as they also have their opinions. It’s hard. I am definitely going to look into seeing someone. Glad that the past week has been great. I know how walking on egg shells feels. That’s the beauty of it though. I am definitely going to take it one day at a time and follow my heart. It’s him. Hang in there as well!

Hi Confused,

I'm sorry that things are so bad right now. I wish I could promise that they would get better - but unfortunately I can't. Have you considered seeing someone like a therapist - someone to listen to you and maybe make the silence not quite so loud??

During one of Ben's especially bad "episodes" I had to start seeing a psycologist. I had become so depressed and had started having panic attacks. She precribed some anti-depressants, which I took for a while and they helped. Then we moved and I haven't found another doctor yet.

Ben has been great for the past week - but it's like walking on egg shells or waiting for the other shoe to just never know what the day will hold.

All I can say is take it day by day and follow your heart :(


Thanks, Lizzie.

Sorry for the delay in my response. I kinda forgot I had joined this forum until I came across a reminder in my e-mail. I do appreaciate that there is someone else listening and going through the same thing - somewhat.

During his silence, my boyfriend is just at home. He shuts out everyone except for who he lives with. We used to live together but separated due to family on each of our sides that needed help.

I am so down lately. I can't figure this out and it's getting louder.

Hi Confused,

Thanks for your response to my post - I really appreciate knowing that someone else out there understands what I am going through.

I know what you mean about how loud silence can be - it's almost deafening sometimes!

What is your boyfriend doing during these "silences"? Is he cutting just you out or everyone?

In the beginning my boyfriend did the same thing for about 2 weeks - no explanation, no reason....he just disappeared. I found out later that he spent the entire 2 weeks in bed...obviously a depressive episode. Now we live together but I can tell that there are times when he would love to just crawl into beds for a few days or weeks and not talk to anyone at all. Currently we haven't spoken in 3 days - and like I said we live together...that's a pretty loud silence.

I can't tell you what you should do - whether to stay or go. I always say that I wouldn't leave but in those dark moments I want to run for the door.

Sorry I wasn't more help - just wanted you to know that someone out here is listening