Bi Polar Boyfriend- Help

Our year long relationship started off strong and fast, I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship and I told my new boyfriend "Ben" that I didn't want to jump into one. That's where the controlling started, he yelled at me often to change my Facebook status (something that I didn't care about, I had it set to private). We finally got together and it was amazing, we lived together for the first 3 months before he had to move to Texas (from California). Long Distance was hard, he was extremely clingy, didn't want me hanging out with friend (or said he was okay with it and then had a outburst of anger). But I love him. Plain and simple- or I thought it was that simple. He is officially diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, but says he hates the one psychologist that he has been to. He refuses to see anyone again, and he is not on meds.
Recently (this week) I told him that he needed to get help, to help me... otherwise we couldn't work. Because his outbursts started to get regular and often and at one point black out extreme. He loves me more than life itself, but I'm going crazy trying to deal with the fact that half the stuff he says "doesn't count" because he says it during an outburst.

He also has a very traumatic past. He's adopted, his parents don't let anyone know hes adopted, beaten, raped, been in drug gangs... I met him in college when these things were finished, but they effect him every day. He also can't have kids (sterile) and has seen numerous friends kill themselves or overdose.

I broke it off two days ago, explaining he needed to get help before I could keep a relationship going. I'v never been so scared in my life-though it was a phone conversation (long distance), he cried and screamed angry things and begged for me back and finally threatened to commit suicide. I went crazy, I can't see him hurt like that- I do really love him. He promised to change, but he said we had to be together while he changed. I didn't agree with that, just because there are a lot of problems he has to deal with by himself.

Last night I was broken and numb and agreed to get back together after more hours of begging, he was ecstatic and then mad because I wasn't joyful.I'm so lost- I need direction, I need help.
LoveAndOtherDrugs101 LoveAndOtherDrugs101
22-25, F
4 Responses May 5, 2012

Brett Gyllenskog

I know exactly how you feel about "it doesn't count" because of his outbursts. My boyfriend says really ****** up things that I can't believe. It makes me wonder how he really sees me. Then he always says he didn't mean anything he said because he was just talking crazy. That's hard. It's hard to listen to the bullshit and be okay with it simply because of his illness.

I ended up breaking up with him for good. It was detrimental to my life, though I loved him, it took every ounce of myself to support him- which in turn left my life in ruins. It's really hard and it was not easy. In fact it may have been one of the hardest things I have had to do, since I am inherently caring and I hate to see people hurt. But for myself to live I had to break away. Now I told him that it was because of his unwillingness to get help for my health that we broke up. Granted, he begged and pleaded and promised amazing things. I told him that I had given him fair warning and I detailed how him not willing to get help (NEVER the bi polar itself) was why it ended. <br />
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It's a debilitating mental disease for everyone involved- and I feel your pain. Be gentle but firm. Be respectful and explain the reasons for this decision. Those few months were heart wrenching, he threatened suicide, told me our dog had died under his care, told me he was getting help, blamed me for leaving him stranded, and begged for me back almost every day. But overall I stayed strong. I told him we could discuss my decision further within 3 months time- that way everything had settled down. But make sure NO HOPE of getting back together is given. I wish you the best of luck. It hurts, but right now I'm getting my life on track and I am happier and healthier. I'm getting myself back :) It feels refreshing.

Are yall still together, Im going through a similar situation. My bf is bipolar and hey has similar outburst. Hey even got violent with me and fractured my ribs. Now he is feeling really bad about it. Meds make him unable to function and makes him slow. Just wondering of it worked between the two of you because I really love him and I want this to work.