Love & Hate

I have the similar issue except I am never hated by my guy, sometimes resented for loving him when its hard to love himself..I know its not your responsibility especially since one can not change a person, but have you talked about it? I got to the point where I was dead serious that it would have to end if he didnt get help. and since then he has begun seeking resources..you have to be honest and open, let everything between you be known and tell him how it really makes you feel by saying when "____' happens ..it makes me feel "___" its a way to say it without blaming him.. other than that, if you cant handle it, then you are too going to get sick from dealing with a disorder that affects your life as well as his now..so be careful& be strong

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My husband of nearly 20 years battles bi polar and depression on a daily basis and refuses to take medication (besides cannibus) and is scared to death of doctors after his experience in the military years ago. It is very hard to deal with and I just wish I could help him but I've realized all I can do is be there for him. Our children grew up with it and are very sad to see him this way but we all know that he loves us and would do anything for us. Mental illness sucks, for everyone involved.

Hi. I'm a bipolar woman who spent 25 years undiagnosed. I was 40 when I was hospitalized and medicated. As difficult as the first 40 years were, I find that medication has stolen the best of me, while leaving me the worst of me.

I don't know your boyfriend's story, but I don't really have to. I avoid relationships because of the constant disappointment and heartbreak.

I'm not advocating that you "stand by your bipolar man" if he continually hurts you. We are difficult people to live with. Instead, you have to weigh the pros and cons of your relationship. You might investigate new medication for him, and talk to his shrink. There's a LOT of medication out there, some good, some God-awful. But he won't know what works if he doesn't try it.

One thing to consider: what you miss when you don't see him. Is it HIM? Or is it the drama that compels you to stay/leave? Examine why you stay. Examine your heart. If it's bad for you and good for him, that's not enough reason for you to stay. You can do little to help him.

God Bless you, and keep both of you.

Thank you calm1 for sharing your story. I can relate so much, because I am the bi-polar one in our family and my wife holds it together. Yes, every once in a while my meds don't quite do the trick and my behavior makes us both miserable. But she, like you is quite loving and supportive. I really couldn't live without her.
Now, Peaceful1, though you may have the best of intentions in mind, I resent the attitude. No, calm1 did not cause the bi-polar and cannot control it, but did her boyfriend? Bi-polar is not a CHOICE, it is an illness. I think she is doing admirably to do the best she can.

first off, to everyone who is assuming she said "he hates me one day but not the next" this is not the case, she said he acts like it. i, myself, have bi-polar disorder and am never on medication, i cannot afford it. i am not as bad off as he sounds but trust me, he can control it more than he is. i was in a relationship up until just recently that made me feel as though i didn't even have this disorder, i was happy because they were happy, i felt loved and did still go through issues with loving myself but in the end of the day i was better off. try and sit down with him and talk about it, ask if there is any way you can help him, and tell him he needs to be open to the help and love you're offering. if you're coming here and talking about how much you care, trust me, you two can make it work, simply try and find ways to help it out. it cannot be controlled all the time, it is very hard to pretend to feel something other than what you're feeling but i found a way that i didn't have to pretend, because i was happy.
also, ask if you can get involved in his being medicated, see what medications he can try and find something that helps him best. this may take a lot of time, it may not.

Good comment, tanpopo. Yes, the person does have choices and some control...to a point. I have found that if I catch myself before the behavior gets out of hand, then it can be controlled. That is where my wife comes in, she helps keeps an eye on how I am reacting to circumstances that might "push me over". Keep in mind, though, as I'm sure you know the illness is very complex. His particular chemistry might be a little further out of balance than yours, and his environment would add to that as well. Don't make the mistake of saying 'I have it too, and if I can do it, then so can he'.

My dear friend, I know and understand what your guy is going through, for I myself had a terrible history of bi polar, but by the grace of God, I am cured from this mental illness.

He have ups and downs. When he is up, it is just as bad when he is down. When he is up, he is experience bliss, with too much self-confidence, believing he can DO ANY thing. He can have a conversation and feel he have to express every thought and every feeling that comes to his mind. He choose to paint the house, he may go overboard. But when he is down, it is the opposite. He is a loss of confidence, lack of love, thoughtless, and have nothing to say. Is this what you are experiencing. Instead of being down to earth (humble), he is either too high in the mountain of bliss or too low in the valley of depression. If you can get him to see his problem, he can cured from it. When he is low, he ought to make himself with much force to enjoy life. Or if he is in his ups, then he should force himself to control his running thoughts. The more control and discipline he can bring into his life, the more he can live a down to earth life as the Creator had made him. When the CReator created us, he made us on the earth and made us from the earth. We as earthly being must live at this level. It is not healthy to live above the earth or to live beneath the earth. You must get him to see this. Sit him down and break it down. Ask him are you willing to do whatever it takes to be healthy again? If he says yes, he made the first step to his recovery.

Religion aside, and with all due respect, there is no "cure" for bi-polar. You can learn to live with it and manage it, but you are stuck with it.

I AM DATING A BIPOLAR,ALCOHOLIC MAN 57.HE IS SWWEET THEN MEAN.IT IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND BOTH ILLNESSES.THESE PEOPLE ARE NEGATIVE,DEPRESSING,AND AT TIMES,ROCK BOTTOM EMOTIONALLY.MY HEART GOES OUT TO ANYONE WITH THESE ILLNESSES.I AM DISTANCING MYSELF AS I CAN'T TAKE THE ABUSE TOO MUCH ANYMORE.I AM MOVING ON AND FEELING BETTER

Hey there! I came out of hibernation to comment on your current issue so I hope you appreciate it. LOL J/K
I read almost all the comments other peole have left you and it seems to me they are not being very helpful.
Not that they dont want to be I'm sure but regardless their comments are not beneficial to your current situation. As a former client and President of bi-polarism I will gladly share my knowledge that I have achieved through the pain of experiencing this mental disorder. First of all, you can help him IF he trusts in you and is an open-minded person. First of all, I am no doctor. I'm just a guy that searched for answers and put a lot of time into finding them. A lot of people in the Collective will not agree with some of the things I say here but who really cares what they think anyways, right. I know what works and I think it will help your man. You can start by getting him off the prescribed meds. Meds are like people going to a tanning salon to get a tan. You get what I'm saying?? Start him on double doses of Omega 3-6-9 everyday!! There is no known side affect nor have I personally experienced any. The Omega are very beneficial. Research this if you wish. Secondly, exercise is very important. Jogging, biking, nice long walks. These things help the mind and keep the endorphins rollin' smooth. My last suggestion is self-help books. Not neccessarily on bi-polarism. Self help books to demolish any personality faults he may have because they only feed his bi-polarism. This appraoach will help him be a more complete person and in turn will make him analyze his reactions when feeling a bi-polar experience coming on............I hardly ever share this info with others but I think the words "love&hate" in the same title do not mix well. For the person above- GOD= Generic Omnipotent Diety. The people above are the Collective ;) Good Luck!!!!