A letter I wish I could give to my boyfriend.


Unsure how I want to start this because I have so much I want to tell you. The first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one. You made me laugh, you made me feel special, and you are so intelligent. When you told me that you suffer from bipolar disorder, I didn't run. Instead, I did research and still to this day I continue to try and learn more.

In June, when I first witness an episode, I was scared s***less, but I stayed because I do love you. Some days you may not think so, but I honestly do. The last few months, I have noticed that you are going downhill and fast. I say this because I have noticed the amount of alcohol you are drinking on a daily basis.

It saddens me to see you do this to yourself. I wish you would get the help you need. You are a great guy and you deserve a great life and I would love to be there by your side. So please get the help before it's too late.

nicolem84 nicolem84
31-35, F
3 Responses Jan 1, 2014

I am with a bipolar man and it sounds just like him too. Its so hard and scary too not to be able to get through to yr man.

:( sorry to hear that. It is very tough to see him do that to himself. He has gotten to the point that he can drink a 6-pack within a 2 hour span. It may be silly but I am still with him because I am very much in love with him and want to see him do better for himself. I have talked with him many times about his drinking and he says that he needs help and should go to AA. I have offered to go with him, but then gets a little pissy and says that he is a grown man and doesn't need someone to hold his hand.

Mine drinks too!! He knows he isn't supposed to but he has always drank n its his way of numbing the emotion do maybe its the same with yours. Problem is it dosen't help us when it messes up their meds. He's on lithium so no alcohol. He shuts me out when he's on one! Last week he thought I was cheating on him and finished with me for a couple of hours we talked abit as he dosen't like to admit he was overthinking things. He's took me off his facebook and I don't know if he his listed as single now :/ can't talk to him about it :( xxxx

It just sucks to see someone you love go through it. My boyfriend also drinks to numb the pain, he also thinks it's o.k. to smoke pot too. He told me that he only smokes pot to calm his thoughts down. I'm unsure how often he does it. He says that he hasn't in awhile, but how can I believe him? A few months ago, he decided to smoke a cigarette and hold in the smoke until he felt "a high". He ended up passing out and hitting his head on the corner of a desk. Blood everywhere! I heard him fall, so I went running to check on him. When I saw him, I got scared and started crying. He looked up at me wondering what happen. Since then, he hasn't done that. Over the last couple months, I have watched him multiple times drink away his day. He starts as soon as he wakes up (which is around noon) and is usually done 2-3 hours later, then falls asleep for an hour or two.

I wish he would open up to me more instead of drinking and smoking pot. I try not to ask too many question for fear of ******* him off. Sounds sad, but I'm just waiting for him to have a breakdown and end up back in mental health for his 3 days. I don't want it to happen, but I know it will. Also I wish he was honest with his doctors and let them know what is going on with him, but his exact words were "I know what to tell them just to keep them happy". He forgets that it's not their happiness, but his whole that they are worried about. :'(

Mine has a good job he is manager of a garage chain. I know what u mean about ******* him off I texted mine too much one day in his eyes so I said I would give him some space and that wasn't good enough either it like treading on egg shells around him incase I set him off. Mine don't smoke pot but he does drink as soon as he gets out of work. We need a medal!! Xx

We sure do. On paper my boyfriend would be a loser to a lot of people. He is 32, lives with his parents, and has no job. He used to be a machinist for a few years after college, but then he had his worst breakdown and pretty much left everything he had and moved back home and since then he hasn't been able to work. He tried when he first started dating because I asked him to. What a mistake! He is by far a dumb person, but his ability to even get out of beds some days is a living hell for him.

My man ignores by texts he says hes sleeping dies yr bf sleep alot?? Xx

He usually texts me back. I work such crazy hours at 2 different jobs almost everyday, so I usually wait for him to text me. I longest that we have gone without talking/texting was 3 days and that was last summer when he ended up in mental health and broke his phone because he thought his phone was bugged by the government.

We split up two days ago it was a bad break up too. I asked him not to contact me again. I hadn't seem him in weeks n he was saying I wasn't making an effort. I was bending iver backwards for him. it was too hard he said something wasn't right n I should move on I flipped and told him he needs to go see his phycologist and stop drinking. He just said fine and blocked all communication with me which is what I need. I can't have someone make me feel so bad about myself :( xx

I'm so sorry to hear that NIkki. Maybe it's for the best. It's time for you to heal and I hope he does the same for himself. I hate this disease so much because it affects more than the person that has it. I have said it before, but I wish I could take away all of his pain. At times though, it feels like I'm going through (in same ways) the same hell that he is. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!! :'( Right now I am going through some tough things and I wish I had his support, but he doesn't have much to say about it.

I feel so sad. I think looking back over the last few weeks that he has met someone else. I got a message whilst we was talking online. We was talking about my stepdad getting tires for his 4 x 4 when out of know where he put " I love you too so very very much" straight away he said he was messaging his son. few days later I casually asked if he has heard from his kids he said no not for a few weeks his ex had been funny with him over not seeing them much n he has to arrange seeing them. (So who was the I love you message for??). He also went off the radar for 28 hours. I just don't trust him anymore I have caught him out in a few lies xx

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Is he on any medications/ does he see a psychiatrist? Has he been diagnosed with bipolar disorder or does he think he has it?

He is bipolar. He has been dealing with it for 6-8 years. (unsure for how long because I have been with him for a year and 4 months.) The meds that he is on is hydroxyzine pamoate (25 mg) and olanzapine (20 mg). He might be on others, but these are the only ones I am aware of and I'm unsure of what medication he has been on over the years.

ANd you don't give this letter to him, because you are afraid of his reaction? Will he over-react ?

Unsure at this point. He just seems like he doesn't care about anything because he doesn't see it as a problem. I'm just broken. I have tried to help him by being there for him but he just sits there with not a care in the world. If only he knew that I lay in bed at night, crying because I know he is hurting.

Do you hide your tears from him afraid that he will believe they are not real? I went through that myself, but then I started to tell him that I cry for him. That I cry for me. That I cry for us. That I cry because the situation sometimes makes me feel so alone at times.

Honestly as of right now, I cry by myself. I can't even do it in front of family or friends because I know how they feel about this relationship. They all think that I can find better and I shouldn't put myself through this. So since then, I just keep it to myself except for coming on this website to share my story or read other people's story.

Same here. I don't tell my family about the heartache. I don't want them to stress out about it. It is My choice alone to love him and be with him.

But the heart ache :(

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