Marrying a Bipolar Woman Has Changed Me Forever

My marriage to my wife has been the roller coaster ride of a lifetime, I'm waiting for my divorce to be finalized. She has the worst level there is,she looks to self medicate with anything she can get her hands on meth,x-tasy,painpills you name it. She has disappeared for days at a time, come home like there's nothing wrong. She has caused me to nearly loose everything I have because of the drugs,It's the only time she feels halfway normal. She has tried several drugs from the doctor,but nothing seems to help. It is so sad because she has magic in her fingers, she is very artistic and design like a professional off a t.v. show but she can't hold a job very long about 1 yr. is the longest so far she either gets drunk and can't get up or has problems with people at work, not very many people like her that meet her. She constantly screws things up in life, she is actually her own worst enemy , she dooms herself and blames everyone else for it. I love my wife and always will, but I know she has cheated on me, I have taken so much crap from her, stood by her when noone in her family would, they have nothing to do with her at all. I am so mad at my self for letting her do these things to me ex: torn up my house, car, physically attacked me it's been a total nightmare. I feel she knew how much I loved her but she didn't care as long as she got her way with things. I really had faith in her but turns out she was playing on my feelings. She is now living with another addict, he has no job or car and lives with his granddad, he beats her up every night when they get drunk and she beats my door down in the middle of the night trying to get away from him but she chose to go stay there thats why I filed for divorce. My story is worse than I could ever write in words. I am having a very hard time dealing with all of this especially getting thru the holidays without her but I feel a little better expressing this.

dart225 dart225
24 Responses Jan 1, 2009

Been there and I know what u going tho. U did the best and time is enough! U need peace. We are getting old and I wanna get peace. Not get affect mentally or emotionally problems later in life.

Good luck and I wish u the best. Yeah I know u must live her but move on give u a good choice. She need to understand!

I understand. He always had short job and always been fired! The longest he had a job which is three yrs until I got a new job. He could not keep it until he fired. I was working with two jobs :(

I want tho in hell after I married and his uncle told me about bipolar. It was nightmare for yrs.

I understand how u feel all this ****. Time u need to right thing. I knew he will never change nor ur wife. We need to deserve happiness and be NORMAL!!!!!!! I mean talk to normal people makes me feel better than him. He talked crazy!,,,

I am sorry all got so messy up. Get out before u get more hurt. Bipolar is dangerous!

I read your story about your wife and it brought me to tears..I dont know u but everyone deserves a 41 yr old woman who has dealt with my x husbands mom who was severe bipolar....alot of bipolar people self medicate with my opinion 99% of woman r a crazy and greedy.and i dont associate with them..hopefully u have her out of your life.u will find a good one but its not easy even if she isnt mentally ill..good luck and keep your head up..Sammie.

Hi there;

My name is Ozgur Demir live in New Jersey and married. My wife diagnosed by PTSD and Bipolar and I found out that just last year when we went to therapist. I did not know and she did nt tell me that she have bipolar. Didn't even know what was bipolar or ptsd never had an option to choice that " Am i ready to married with a bipolar person " She left me all alone and took 16 k $, put me in jail and left the state next day and never testimony. now has been 2 years and she is living with someone and filled divorce paperwork saying that i was abusing her. I don't know how to explain this but I can not description how much I loved her and take anyone against myself for her even though my own family. I tried everything, everything that it is not even possible for me, I did forget about myself for her I let her cheated on me and wait at the corner and thinking that " maybe she will realize that I am her husband and love her more than anything " but now I can't anymore. I lost everything that i had, my place furnitures, bank accounts are got closed couldn't pay anything and i was almost lost my job. She found someone 10 yrs older than her and made him believe everything that she has been told and he just believed without asking or searching about it. again now I am going to say yes for divorce but not the way that she wants. I went to court for the things that she is been saying and everything got dismiss now sh is using it again to put my name on the public as a bad person, no !

Omg! I Tho the same thing! So sad! I place him in a good place and still he treat me like a ****! I lost everything due because of him!

Nasty way to trust bipolar huh!

It is horrible! I am sorry u been tho!

Holly31, diabetes, or cancer doesnt make people abuse you, or try and self medicate with meth and have risky sex behind their husband's back. However i am one who still sticks by her, but its about to kill me.

This is sad, i know what your going through. Ive been physically, verbally abused, as well as my car, i really like destroyed. My wife hit rock bottom, and me being.. maybe co dependant, is there to help her, how much more can i take?

And I think people without mental illness don't really understand people that suffer with it.(partner or not)Hey if living with a bipolar spouse is that hard why not leave, instead of complaining. Go find someone without problems, the thing is you won't find one. People with mental illness aren't selfish, they have a brain condition that they can't really control. Of course they can make it easier by complying to meds and seeing doctors regularly, sometimes people make it worse when they don't and do things like take drugs, physically hurt others etc.

... and no, I don't think most people with mental illness can understand what it's like being married to a person with mental illness.

I support you man. I am also married to a bipolar wife who DOES take steps to treat herself and it is extremely difficult.

I understand that living with a person with a mental illness is hard and challenging at times. But I'm appalled at the amount of people on here that have encouraged the partners to just give up and that they are doing the right thing.What if the roles were reversed and YOU had a mental illness. Would you expect your partner to be there for you? What if you had cancer or diabetes would you walk away, simply because they had these conditions?

I can certainly understand that certain things aren't acceptable. Like cheating or using drugs. God knows I definetely know both sides. I watched my mother put up with my bipolar/narcissistic father for 16 years ( they'd been together for 25). He had many breakdowns in that time, cheated alot and didn't treat his family very well. The best thing was for them to split. Dad was never going to change.

Then at 16 I began displaying bipolar symptoms, and eventually was diagnosed. You choose who you end up with. Alot of people must know what they're getting into when a partner is bipolar. I do understand there is a time, when things aren't working, if a mental illness doesn't get any better and the person you love is not the same and you've had enough, you have to walk away to save yourself.

But so many people walk away these days.Just because it gets TOO hard. A marriage is about give and take. When you get sick yourself do you expect your partner to look after you? I assume yes. There are amazing stories of people who nurse there loved ones when they're dying, of people who are quadraplegic, and many have a partner by their side. The point here is : LIFE IS HARD, marriage/partnership takes work, there will always be something to get through. Its easy to tell others to walk away, you obviously haven't been through it yourself, try actually having a mental illness.

i understand her side and urs i do feel bad for u she went down the path we all go down when we first find out we r bipolor i found out i was bipolor when i was 18 and i married my ex husband when i was 19 we were together for a horrible 8 yrs there was equal blame i knew the whole time i should have been taking the meds or going to the drs but my brain was telling me not to it wasnt going to work and when i did take the meds i got so sick off them when ur bipolor everything is just intensified by a million and ur mood changes everyday so when ur happy ur really happy or when ur in love that person is ur whole world or when ur sad u feel like ur life has come to a complete holt and u feel so much pain from it people that dont have the disease dont understand we didnt ask for this we really dont want it its not fun having to take meds for the rest of our lives wondering will our children have this will i have a good day or bad day u r right we r our own worst enemy our brain is the ultimate terrorist and there is no magic drug out there and yes if u believe in god he will help u but not cure u there is no cure for this so plz when u get in a relationship w/ someone that is bipolar remember u fell in love w/ us for a reason and that person is always there u just have to b patient and understanding and what to help them

Ok I have read your replys that are amazing I can't beleve what I read today. My girlfriend which I have known for years from work. She was married at that time and I never thought we would ever been together today. I hated her at work and I mean hated and I never thought we would ever be together but to she was married then. I just went for a walk one summer night and I ran into her. I have to say he has lost the weight she was over 180. Know she's 135 big difference. The first year things were great. As the years went on she got worse and talk about getting to know her . We could go to her moms or even church she's a different person nice as can be. Then change just like that I feel great and she changes she always says you change me not me changing. Now just a questions that true do they blame it on you at all. We did go for help and it did work for so long. Then change Just like that, what do you do when she changes so fast. I have gotten so angry at home I have been throwing things like sheets off bed or pillows with my anger and my family that is not in my family at all. Tell what you think thanks.

i cant believe that everyone who is with a partner that has bi-polar is about to, or is breaking up ! seems like you guys gave up as soon as you felt like you couldn't take it anymore, by the way, which is what ppl with this disorder feel everyday .... even in the beginning of the relationship they feel like that, but like any normal persons in a a new situation has the best of intentions . When is it just a rough patch in a ( normal ) relationship rather than an episode of bi-polar? When does a natural human emotion intensified for a moment become a disease ? At first these comments left me with little to no hope having been diagnosed with bi-polar myself, but i want those to know that it is not the end for you and you don't have to be alone,,,we are normal ! and will have life's as such. i am sorry for those who have found out the hard way that they can't handle that types of personality and i also do not condone cheating or abusing drugs,,, i just hope that the one's who really love their partners will overcome their own feeling to help their partners ( who can't at times ) overcome theirs. Don't penalize those with a faults because of your own wants ,,Love unfortunately just doesn't work out like that.....

In almost all religious traditions mental disorders are cause by demonic forces. Treat bipolar scientifically and you will just rot. If you treat it as a spiritual malady then you are in the right direction. Make the spiritual remedy primary and the medicines and therapy secondary. Do them in parallel. Remember your gravest sins then do something exactly the opposite and always pray. The spiritual cure is key for permanent healing.

I am sorry to hear of your experiences. I am bipolar and my husband and I are going through divorce. It is painful as my daughter lives with him only 10 minutes away, but I don't see her often, and it is her legal choice as per her lawyer due to her age. <br />
But I would like to speak on behalf of those with Bipolar. I was diagnosed many years ago. My husband decided he wanted a divorce. But I am fortunate to have a good GP and a good psychiatrist and friends who have supported me through this. I have worked to get healthier, taken a divorce workshop and found a wonderful church, and worked hard to keep my job so that I can be functional and make my child support payments, never missing any and making them always on time.<br />
I was recently diagnosed with cancer, but the operation appears to be successful, and apart from upcoming radiation/chemo treatments yet to come, I am in remission. In the statement from my child's lawyer, my psychiatrist states that I am in the best health that she has ever seen me in.<br />
I do still have awful nightmares, the divorce started less than two years ago, I believe I will just have to endure them until I get used to my new life. I pray that one day I will meet someone who shares my faith, and can look past my "condition" to see the successful person inside. Someone who is strong and wonderful enough to want to share the rest of their life with me. Please try to see past any negative experiences that you may have had with those who struggle with Bipolar Disorder, I have met many others on my journey who are doing well and are happy and managing life despite being Bipolar.

i HAVE BEEN WITH MY WIFE FOR 5 YEARS NOW AND WE FOUND OUT ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO THAT SHE WAS BIOPOLAR 1. wHEN WE MET SHE WAS TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH ME, TREATED ME LIKE I WAS A KING AND THEN IT SLOWLY WENT AWAY, NOW I CAN EVEN GET HER TO KISS ME. oNE DAY SHE'LL cry and say just give me more time and the next day or days she wont even talk to me. She has been on many meds and they dont really work. She has been hospitalized once and close several other time. I love her very much and wish that she was back to the way she used to be, but i dont know if it will ever happen. I am not sure when it is time to give up, but i do believe that if you go crazy tring to help her then its not worth it

All very well, but there is only one side to this story, so I cannot really comment and give an answer of any real truth in it! Sorry!

You're an amazing person. Putting up with her must have been hard. I hope all will go well with your divorce. It's time you began a new life. All the best.

I couldn't help but cry when I read all of yours posts here. It actually described my relationship with my bipolar bf. We met in a social networking site last year. He is in the US and I am here in the Philippines. He told me about the disorder during the first month of being in the relationship. I am a nurse so I have an idea how it is but I didnt know how it could affect me till I experience it now. Everything was just perfect. He had so much promises for the future.. Future plans of being together. I was happy that he visited me last month. For 3 weeks it was a lot of fun. It was the first time I have met him in person and we had chemistry. I told myself that I have found the one for me. It really meant so much to me for him to visit me here. He even talked to my dad about marrying me. He even met my dad in the US first before we met until July 18 he came back to the States everything changed so suddenly....<br />
I don't know what to think. I thought we had fun. I thought everything was real until he said he's sick and he's been sleeping most days (most of the time). I felt that he totally changed his mind about me, about us but he kept saying it's not. It's just that he's sick and too sleepy to think. He's so distant to me.I felt that I am so torn apart. My self-esteem is very low now. I am starting to doubt how he truly feel about me. It's like getting sleep is more important than spending time with me. He used to look forward to our chats before. Now, everytime we chat, i feel that he is ready to leave and say goodbye and for that, i feel like a door mat. I can't go on like this or I will just end up hurt. But I really love him so much. In fact, ever since he came back to the States it's like I always do all the efforts in the relationship and it's emotionally exhausting. I feel drained. Tomorrow is our first year Anniversary. I know I can't help expecting so much from him as I really don't feel special anymore. I don't know how long will I try to understand the situation. I don't have any clue if it's the disorder or me. Everything might changed after we met in person but I really thought we had fun together while he was here. Pls help me. I am sorry to hear about other there people who have experienced it. I just can't get over this depression. I am emotionally and deeply affected coz I feel it's me and not the disorder but ba<x>sed on the comments that you have here I feel that it is just the disorder... I just don't know how long it's going to be and when it's going to end because for no apparent reason, we won't talk like we used to. He's not so into me anymore and I don't know what to think. I am totally clueless. I thought meeting each other in person would make it more better in the future. He said, he had fun....but it tells me the other way around. Just awhile ago, I greeted him a Happy Anniversary and he just said, he love me and he will let me go coz he's really sleepy. For 22 days since he got back to the US, he didnt show any emotions...just blank...empty. I don't want to linger on it....but it is our First year Anniversary....I don't know how to handle this. I am totally crushed. He used to be so affectionate, smart, caring and sensitive to my needs. Now, I don't feel like I exist. It's like whether I am here or not, doesn't matter to him anymore. One time he said, he's going to wake up to chat.....but after 5 hours of waiting i finally decided to call him up and he was just sleeping. It's nice to know I am not alone in this. I really need all your comments about this. I am going to freak out on our First year anniversary. I feel so alone. But I love this guy so much that I couldn't let him go. I hope it's just the disorder and not about me. :(

I can sympathize (and empathize) with these stories. I have been married to a woman who has bipolar I for the last eight years, and we're finalizing divorce now. Over the course of our marriage, she has lived the stories that everyone here knows -- leaving, affairs, coming back, leaving, affairs, spending sprees, etc. I have decided that, for the sake of my own self-preservation, I need to remove myself from the marriage. Even though I have no alternative, I am just sad that things are ending this way. I am sure that I will find more peace after the divorce and the grieving process, and I hope that she does, too.

8 years with somone with bipolar must have been super HARD. I hope all will go well with your divorce.

Im that woman i guess. Not to that extrem I dont think but then again most days idk what to think. I have a past of sexual abuse....not like the typical stories but a past just the same. Most days death crosses my mind but not the thought of wanting to die. I have a hard time staying on meds and beer is a part of that issue. I do not drink every day, i feel like i drink when im at that brick wall. To most people im a fun nutty gal but i feel so alone. My childhood no question complicates my life and my illness. Alot of days i blame myself and let guilt be in my mind is my wakeup call at the time. I bargain with god, promise to be better and then fail. My kids are grown or almost and great kids. In my mind its thanks to their father. On my good days maybe me too but not much. My husband plays daddy to me most of the time and I feel sick that this is how my life has turned out. I understand he has to in order to keep things as normal as possible. I have no real family left other than my kids and my husband and im not even 40. I dream about being happy and i cant even see the ending in the dream. I just dont know what or how to be happy. I have done therapy and get sent on my way... take ur meds ect... I have highs and my family cant tell if im on my meds then here we go... Crazy me takes over and here comes the beer and the hypersexuality and the no give a care. Kind of like please catch me and leave me and force me to get right. Then the low hits and I lie and clean up and try to make my safe haven safe again. Lost but not hopless just bypolar 1 an even at this moment not medicated correctlly by my own hand. I ask every day for god to look over my family and keep them safe from me and my issues. I feel fake and like i live two lives and scared most days!!!!<br />
Good luck to you all living with this on both sides.

My x husband is living with a lady who has bipolar, her son also is not well with cluster head aches. Although I typed X, we are seperated as we have a lot of financial commitments and involvements. I have no idea how it is working out. But when we do speak (rarely) he always says he is "not a happy bunny." She was a PA and seems to be very confident. She walks out without saying where she is going. Caused a rift with our son's partner, which has made it difficult for my husband to see his grandchildren. Today, I have read and listened to so much pain people are going through. Myself included. Nightmares. I am quite blown away and feel so very, very sad. I do admire the above commentee for her honesty.

I am so sorry. It's so hard to watch some one you love act as if they don't care about you. <br />
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I'm in the same situation. Except I am not married. Its so hard to leave.<br />
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I pray you get all the strength you need to move forward with your life. You deserve happiness.<br />
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I pray you find it.

thats awful..<br />
other people, they are not your responsibility.<br />
as much as you love them, there has to be a line drawn somewhere... i think youre doing the right thing!<br />
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if she needs help, maybe youd be there for her with therapy or something, if she needs a shoulder, maybe that too, but she ultimately has to know, youre not her husband anymore, now you are her friend... and thats a different relationship altogethe with different boundaries and i she wants to change, she has to do it....somewhat on her own... you hav to take care of yourself too! because you didnt recieve a life just to give it to someone else who might not treat it well... so good for you in being strong enough to fight for your life! :) i wish you all the best.... i know whre youre coming an extent... good luck in your journey.