He's a Pathological Liar

I don't expect anyone to read this...I'm just venting because I don't have anyone else to vent to.

I'm really starting to realize how often my boyfriend lies....and for no reason.  He said he was a sniper in the Army.  He wasn't.  He said he has lung cancer...and he doesn't.  He lies about the strangest things...and has full blown stories for them.  He lied about being a nurse in the OR....he was only a medical stocker for the OR.  He lied about seeing too may people die in his care, and that's why he quit the hospital job...I found out he was fired.  This is all stuff that was supposed to have happened before we started dating.

The whole lung cancer thing started soon after I told him I may have cervical cancer.  Basically, last March ('08) he said he went to the doctors to find out what was wrong with his lungs cause he was coughing so much (true).  He was even coughing up blood (which happens when you cough too much and too hard or have fluid in your lungs).  He later said they found a spot on his lungs.  He won't allow them to biopsy it.  He uses it for excuse when he knows I'm mad. I thought he was with another woman while I was out of state and he didn't return my call until 4am...his excuse was he was in the ER because he couldn't breathe, and they took xrays - and the spot was bigger.  No ER bill has come to the house (we live together) even though he says it was a $5000 visit.  When he told me about the spot, he said it was just found. However...he told his parents 3 years ago there was a spot on his lung...but he forgot he told them that.  He keeps talking like he has full blown lung cancer and he doesn't know how long he has to live.  If its been there for three years, it isn't cancer. Lung cancer kills very very fast. He doesn't smoke, and the only cancer that runs in his family is lying.  His mom lied about having cancer too. Then, just a few days ago he said he went to the doctor to get an xray because his chest felt wrong.  I found out he never went....but he told me there was definitely fluid in his lungs on the xray.  So I asked him if they mentioned the spot in his lungs.  He immediately said it was still there, but hasn't grown since the last one...and that they held the xrays up next to each other.  So I pointed out that the last time he had xrays was in the "ER"...he said, "oh, yeah - it was...but I have it all in my head...so I remember what size it was and I know it hasn't grown."  Seriously.  I CAUGHT YOU LYING AND YOU ARE STILL LYING! ugh.  He has even gone as far as telling his co-workers he is getting radiation treatment for it.  HE ISN'T!  He won't even allow them to biopsy the spot (if it exists).  You can't get chemo without a clear biopsy result.

The army thing....he said he was in the army shortly after I told him I was thinking of joining because my dad and sister were in the military.  He continuously talks about it...and at first I was the only one that knew...but I said something to someone else (before I knew it was a lie)...and so he is lying to others too.  A year later, after talking to his mom, I find out it never happened.  He has gone as far as waking me up pretending to have a nightmare of flashbacks where he saw his best friend get his head blown off in front of him.   I had suspected from the beginning this was a lie because he said he was a sniper....but he barely knows anything about sniping.  I'm a better shot than he is even.  He loves guns, and so do I...but he is always buying books on sniping and learning more.  He watches a lot of army movies...and will say "yeah, thats exactly how it is in basic..."  He says he can't tell me where he was deployed because it was top secret.  After I mentioned a website I had to visit to make sure my ex-husband wasn't in the military, he said "you wouldn't find me in there because what I did was top secret, so there are no records".  He just builds lie on top of lie.

I don't understand why he does it.  It doesn't effect anything.  They are just stories that he pretends are true.  He said he was a drummer in school, when I found out later it was his brother.  I don't know how to confront him about the army and cancer lies because he is also incredibly mentally fragile.  He's the type that needs a lot of validation, but acts like he doesn't want it.  Even his co-workers talk about him needing to be "breast fed" all the time. 

So, why am I still in the relationship?  Cause I love him.  He has only lied to me once about our relationship (yes...I know what you are thinking.."that I know of")...and it was him trying to cover his tracks when I caught him cheating on me (not physical..and I know that for a fact because it was long distance and I know the girl...they were cheating through text and nude photos...which is still cheating to me).

I know all of this points to a horrible future with no end in site of lying and cheating.  However...since I caught him and asked him to not lie to me anymore...he hasn't brought up the army or any other lies I know about....and has been incredible to me.  I know it's too much to hope for change.  He knows I will leave him if he cheats again.  And he knows how I feel about lying (he just doesn't know I know about so many of them cause I found out about the lies AFTER I told him how I felt about lying)

So yeah...that's a nutshell.  A large one, I know...but who can put two years of lying into a few paragraphs.

heebeejeebez heebeejeebez
22-25, F
6 Responses Mar 12, 2009

Why are you waisting your time on this guy? Life is to short to always be wondering what is fact and what is fiction..........I wouldnt want to live like that..........Luv Lucy

if you really can't leave him and he refuses to change do this. the next time he lies to anyone just tell them, with him standing there, that he lied and that he is a pathological liar. and if he continues start introducing him as my husband the pathological liar. and if hes still doesn't change just start doing things he hates and that make things harder for him at least you will make his life at least a fraction as hard as your relationship has been. also always remember he brought this upon himself.

I'm married to a guy like him.its very frudtrating.no matter what I have asked he doesn't change. We will be divorcing because I can't take it anymore. His family has even complained about it. It worries me that our son could follow his example and I fight against it. I hope u can find the strenghth to get out of that situation before u end up like me.

I'm married to a guy like him.its very frudtrating.no matter what I have asked he doesn't change. We will be divorcing because I can't take it anymore. His family has even complained about it. It worries me that our son could follow his example and I fight against it. I hope u can find the strenghth to get out of that situation before u end up like me.

My recent X was the same way. We have been broken up for maybe 2 months now and I still let him see the baby which he uses as an excuse to flirt with me even though he is living with a girl who moved back here with him from a visit to see relatives in Iowa. They are just "friends." lol Last weekend, his stepmom wanted to see the baby. I called him and told him what time we were meeting. He is getting out of the back seat and had to get the stepmom to hold a spit cup. About a half hour later he says, "I quit dipping." 1)like I care, 2) do you not remember handing your spit cup to our step mom in front of me....The list goes on... I quit caring about a year ago.

I know what your going through and how you feel. My ex-wife was/is a chronic liar. If this guy has a history of doing this and is making up stories to cover up the lies he has a problem with reality. In my opinion you should cut your losses and move on. I know that may be hard to do but it would be in your best interest to do so because it sounds like he's not going to change.