I Cannot Stand Her!

I live with my boyfriend and his parents. Long story short: I lost my parents and my brother to terminal illness in college (I graduated just last year), and moved in with them after college (and to a different state might I add) because my neighborhood back at home wasn't all that great, and I didn't really have a purpose to go back home other than my grandma, who also has kidney disease. In the beginning of our relationship, I met both of his parents and his sisters. They were cordial. I would often visit him for breaks when school was out, and they were still nice and welcoming. However, something changed after I moved in with them. His mother became hypercritical of me (i.e. how I wore my hair, the style of clothes that I wear). She even said that she was "going to work on you and your style," and that I needed to "get it together." Now mind you, I dont dress inappropriate, I am very expressive in my wardrobe, the closest you would say is boho hipster lol. I haven't been able to find a job, and when I did have job offers, the pay was way below minimum wage and I asked her for negotiating advice since she is a solo attorney. She told me to ask for more than what the company offered, and I was rescinded the offer.

Also, I would overhear her talking about me and that I should move to find a job, and that I shouldn't wait on my boyfriend. Now, mind you. I was a very active purpose on campus. I held three jobs (all-campus jobs), and freelance jobs as well. When her son didn't have any money/job, because of classes and football, he didn't have "time" for it. But, I always managed to pay for dates. My boyfriend is super awesome now that he has a full-time job, he takes care of me and his family (he and his mother are the only people with jobs, the husband hasn't worked in over 20-30 years).

And then, last year they were moving to another house because their old one was taken by the bank. So we had to renovate their new house because it was in the family. We spent every day of summer and the weekend to paint, clean up, move furniture, scrub and all of this stuff. Now mind you, I have no problem with this kind of stuff, I like doing it. But, I felt that I was doing more than I should as a girlfriend and that I was getting picked on for not doing something correctly. That's not all, she would ***** about me not doing dishes while she was at work, since I was the only one at home (her husband was too), she and her daughter always leave a ton of dishes in the sink in the morning for me to wash before they went off to school and work. I clean the bathroom, the kitchen, and organize anything that needs to be. I expect to do this, considering I am staying here for free. But should I be treated like a maid when she once called me her "daughter?" One day, I refused to wash dishes because I was fed up with her nasty comments towards me. My boyfriend confronted her and stood up to me, but she ended up lying and saying that the dishes were never done, and that I never do anything to contribute to the house. WRONG. I cook, clean, and offer help all the time.

And every time they have a family function, I feel forced to engage in social activity with them all of the time. I understand that none of this won't go away until I get a job and move out with my boyfriend. And just yesterday, I overheard her talking about me to someone on the phone about how I never come out of my room (which is partly true), but I feel really uncomfortable and unaccepted, and criticized by someone that doesn't bother to get to know me either. She only acknowledges her daughters when she comes home, but never sparks a convo with me. Also, she has a friend that lives close by, her and her husband visited. My boyfriend's mom made fun of me (same outfit and hairstyle I mentioned), I wore a flower sweater, and said that it was because I had been "living with my grandma."

And when her sister comes over, I get the same vibe from her and feels that the mother behind my back to her. Her sister has obnoxious children and they don't know boundaries. Also, there was one time I just wanted some alone time when her sister came over. I spoke to her and her husband, but I went to watch TV in my room (I understand this sounds all rude). But after the night, my boyfriend's mom called me downstairs to ask why I was being anti social and saying that she "allowed you into my house, I wouldn't have done this with any other girl that D has dated" and saying that she allowed me in because of my "delicate situation with losing my parents" She called me a ***** to my face. Btw, she was drunk during this conversation, and she always drinks when she comes home from work. And when she drinks too much, she gets in these confrontational spats with not just me, but my boyfriend, her husband, and her sisters...
clearumbrellas clearumbrellas
22-25, F
2 Responses Jan 12, 2013

Since you are a Bo ho Hipster you will understand when I say, you are in a negative energy place, why? First, no girl is ever good enough for a Mother's son, they are just in various degrees of being tolerated. Secondly, the Mother is stressed and the Father is a loser and you are expected to fit right into their downward spiral? Third, you need to mature and realize if you want a job to be able to support yourself and not have to live under someone else's roof and rules, you need to conform to the expectations that Human Resources has of job applicants.

A hipster carries a perceived lifestyle and work ethic, wether it is true or not, perception is reality, and and company wants to hire someone who has a passion for work and represents the company well to their customers. So you are not just getting a job, you are be hired to help a company make money. Once you go on job interviews looking professional and eventually get hired, you can dress as you please in your off time. Plus, the hardest job is getting the first job, so it doesn't matter what you make, just be really good at it, and you will prove you are worth more than what they started paying you. Getting any job will get you out of the house and the expectations of you being the families full time maid will shift to your boyfriend or the father. Bottom line: 1. Get out of the house by getting a job, 2. get your own place when you can afford it. 3. When you do, most of all your issues will go away.

Positive energy attracts positive people and good outcomes, negative energy keeps people mired in negative muck and sucks other people into it!

Also, it baffles me because she went through the same thing. She lost her mother at a very young age, and just last year, she lost her father in the same week that I lost mine! I look up to her as a mentor and as someone who I can relate to. But, I never feel that the interest of getting to know one another is reciprocated. She doesn't approve of the relationship that I have with her son, better yet, she doesn't acknowledge it and doesn't care that we are together, and she said so the night she was drunk.

I'm confused? It's like one moment's she nice to me, but the other she's not. And, I can tell when she's not being sincere.