I don't know what to do...

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and until 2 days ago I had no idea he was a compulsive gambler. He is a really lovely person who treats me right and looks after me in a way that every man should, yet he lied and kept this from me even though we were financially struggling for 2 years, and he didn't come clean about his addiction until I caught him red handed.

On the plus side he only ever used his money from work to gamble, yet he spent the majority of his money doing it and needed both me and my parents to assist him financially, but we never knew that by doing so we were feeding his addiction as we had no idea of the problem he hid.

I have been stressed from having to work and be a student and depressed by our financial difficulties for 3 years and I have steadily lost the bubbly person I was before, to now find out that I needn't have been so upset, he was wasting the money and causing the financial problems - not me.

My family are concerned he is using me to fund his addiction as I am only 21 and a full time student supposed to be getting a degree. But I love him with all my heart and I am racked with guilt at the thought of leaving him. I know he loves me, and he is promising to seek proper help and support with his addiction so I feel I should give him one last chance before throwing in the towel. But am I being naive? I want to tell myself that this shall all be ok, but I can't help questioning what will things be like 20 years down the line with a mortgage and children...

He is a good man despite the gambling and I know I shall always love him, but am I being a fool for staying and trying to help?
randomrach363 randomrach363
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 20, 2014

This exact same thing happened to me. This is a text book case- not unique at all (when I went through it I was so shocked I thought my experience was unusual and shocking)

finds someone else to treat you right. His love isnt worth fighting for... He is never gonna change his ways for you.

I feel your pain. I too, recently found out my boyfriend has a gambling addiction. I am torn because I love him so much and I know he's a good guy, and it sounds like yours is too. I don't think you're a fool at all for helping, but make sure he wants the help just as much. Support him emotionally, but stop bailing him out. And make it clear that if it continues to happen there will be consequences.

Gamblers can get help. Be his rock right now, because even though you're in a dark place, he's in a much darker one. Just be aware of what he's doing.

Leave him alone for a while and see how he will do. U have a bright future. U sound like a great girl. I bet there will be lots of men willing to treat u the way u deserve. Best wishes ! Be strong !