Married With A Boyfriend

I've been married for 12 years. My husband is kind, sweet and a great partner. My family loves him and he's the best dad in the world. But he doesn't have a whole lot of passion and he knows that. We've talked about it and he says that's just who he is. He suffers from depression and we deal with that. Meds and all. We have sex about once month. Sometimes once every 2 months. He doesn't have the same sex drive that I have and frankly, doesn't have the experience. But I love him and I married him. About 8 years ago I reconnected with an old boyfriend. This man was my sexual ideal. He's in a different state so I don't see him a lot but we try to get together once every few years. And when do it's a laughter filled, sex filled, talk all night kind of weekend. He brings light into my life and makes me feel alive. He lives with the mother of his child. He wants to be a present father. We are on the same page. He texts me and we have phone sex. But he doesn't cross the line. And I don't cross the line with his life. We understand each other and it works for us. And frankly, it keeps me happy in my marriage.
Are there any other women out there like me?
Men seem to have this arrangement and no one blinks.
Karmamom1 Karmamom1
41-45, F
20 Responses May 6, 2012

I wonder if people could discuss how they make things work when only the 2 married people who are having the affair with one another are the ones who know; the respective spouses do not and cannot know. That's the boat I'm in, for the last 6 yrs or so. Both married and want to stay that way for some same and some different reasons. And we also both love each other. As the woman, I struggle with wanting more from time to time, while he does not seem to have this issue. He also has 2 teenagers; I currently have no kids. We've lived in the same city since 2012. Are very old friends from middle/high school...he was my first crush when I was 13 and he was 18. Nothing ever came of our friendship due to the age difference and then drifting apart when I went to college, and eventually that was that. I decided to find him online in 2008 and was successful. At first, we were "just" going to be "friends" who kissed and had no sex, but that didn't last very long. I would love to hear perspectives/ideas about successful strategies and what works. Glad I found this group!

Are you interested in telling your story in a documentary about infidelity? A lot of people would love to hear your point of view! I'd love to discuss the opportunity further. Please email me at

Roughly same boat. Great husband over 20 years. In a relationship with an older widower friend of both of ours. It is intense. Husband has no idea. Love them both in different and same ways too. They both make my life better.
But my lover makes me smile. Can't beat that.

Yes, there are n I totally understand you as I am thinking of pursuing the same avenue.

I am happy you found someone in your same situation that is working well. I just wonder if your husband has sexual desire towards other women, if so, may be you don't need to spend your entire life in this marriage, just be good friends. Sex is a very important part of marriage, when that fire is out, it is like living with a room mate, and we always wonder what are we missing. Just a thought.

I would do the same thing ifI thought that it would work for me. I'm glad you're happy. Do you ever worry what would happen if your husband found out? That's where I'm stuck...

If this is what you need to stay happy, I don't see an issue with it. Good Luck.


you need to do that I hope to always oky
add me please

Girl I understand you , I am in the same boat . My spouse of 9 years is a wonderful man & father but I just need the attention & ultimate sex that I get from a man I met a year ago who we just are a match from heaven . What are we to do but fulfill our souls & bodies ..

Its wonderful! I love my hubby but am no longer in love with him. I have a boyfriend with no baggage no kids no wife no ex's really to speak of. He love me so much and is wonderful. my husband and I have never had the amazing personal effect that my boyfriend and I have. I have been married for 15 years with 3 kids. Hubby is a good dad and hubby. But its just not the same anymore, my thoughts and feelings have changed, no fault of hubby. I LOVE my BOYFRIEND!!

We only live once. 2 Years ago I would have never ever cheated. or even if you told me you have i would have had bad thoughts. NOT so anymore. I have grown and changed. Its a whole other world out there for me now. I would like it to have happened differently but it just didnt happen that way and you know what?/ I'm okay with it. No longer do i care what people think. My happiness is 1st from now on!

I hope you will post more about your experiences. I think women need an escape to the carefree occasionally, and that includes things like boyfriends and wild sex. It can also just include romance with someone you don't have to talk about kids, bills, and "stuff" with. I hope you are giving your boyfriend as good as he is getting from you. I also hope you find ways to delight your husband's heart and soul.

We are emotional creatures & if you have found someone who gives you what you need then you embrace him as you embrace life

To be real emotions causes people to act foolish and stupid like having a husband and boyfriend at the same time. She'll laugh now but she will cry later after both her husband and boyfriend leave her for being foolish and immature for playing with those guys hearts

1 More Response

I understand completely. There is nothing wrong with you. He is a part of you.

I'm kinda in the same boat, I've been with my husband for 13 years, I love him he works all the time and is always tired,i met this guys almost 3 1/2 years ago at my job,we have been together for almost two years but it's been very hard for me I love them both.

Do they know about each other!! Your husby?? or your boyfriend ??

I am in the same situation. I feel so trapped, no one to talk about this with. I feel relieved to know there are people in a similar situation.

How long have you been married? Are you in love with two men now?

Go with it. Women are capable of loving two men at the same time. Don't sell yourself short. Enjoy life while you can enjoy it.

Same here & this happens often at the work place , seeing them daily, more than your own spouse . Feeling loved & wanted is a great feeling .

Honestly and truthfully if you really loved your boyfriend and husband you would be honest with telling your husband how you really feel and as for the boyfriend if you really loved him you wouldn't lead him on when you're already married. You're playing them both, and honestly you're selfish and only care about yourself. Real love isn't dishonest and nor self seeking. Don't take any of this personally but if you really love them both just try to be honest with them they do deserve that much. Good luck

Love according to who's definition? The truth is, everyone loves differently. It does not benefit a partner to know about a transient relationship. It might not be fair, but it is not going to enhance the partner's life. The time when it matters is when the other relationship pushes the partner aside. Its not going to hurt anyone if you are good to them while being good to yourself. If the relationship is transitory and you have a good relationship at home, honestly, keep the secret unless you discover the partner wants to share. Even then, be careful.

4 More Responses

It took me a while to realize that boyfriend time can be so important to a woman even when she truly loves her hubby. It must have been awesome for you, getting the chance to reminisce and fully enjoy an ex bf and be able to look forward to each other in between lusty weekends :) was it hard for your hubby at first, or? When my Carrie started seeing her special guy friend i tried to be supportive and she said she regretted it or had twinges of guilt less each time they were together. Are u wanting it to b long term with him, or?

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your husband has basically given you the green light with his lack of interest in sex. You don't seem to do it that often and you certainly don't rub it in his face! Although I am probably not nearly as discreet as you, I try not to rub my husband's face in it either.

I am married and have a boyfriend in another state who is married. My husband knows about it and the two guys are friends! We take vacations to spend time with him! Keeps our marriage happy!

What the hell are you talking about, he doesn't cross the line. He has sex with you. What other line is there. Are you kidding yourself that because he doesn't knock on your door and have contact with your husband that he is not crossing a line. You both have long ago crossed that line. And as far as men having this arrangement? For every man that has an affair there is a woman participating in it.

My wife has a bf and I love it!!!!!

You aren't the only one. I've been married for nine years and there is just nothing there. Ireally don't know why I stay but I do. Sometimes I wonder if it's fair to my husband or not to live this kind of life, but I just can't tell him the truth. My other guy makes me happy. Good luck.

You say your husband doesn't know but does your boyfriend know your married??

i hear u dear i am 48 widowed at 32 remarried at 35. i to have a husband with no passion it makes for a very sad and lonely life! if what u are doing helps u stay happily married go 4 it