10 Years Too Late...

I have to ramble...You haven't met perfect until you met My Love. Even his flaws are manageable. I could be a loyal partner I think if I met him first. But these are the choices I made with my life. I am the primary source of income in my real family and I support a handful of people. I can't sacrifice their quality of life for my personal happiness. In my head, I think when I'm out of debt in 5 years (crossing fingers), if My Love is still around, we could be together. My Current Spouse raises the children, so the chances of him being financially self-sufficient one day is slim. He gave up chances to have a career so I could pursue mine, plus he made so many dumb choices in his youth, work is hard for him to come by (so it really wasn't a hard choice for us for me to be the breadwinner. We basically had no choice, so not much of a "sacrifice" on his part). But I wouldn't mind supporting my Current Spouse financially, like alimony, if that day ever came. He is a nice guy, good friend, good father; just I can't convince myself I have wife-like love for him, I have good-friend-we've-been-through-a-lot love for him. He doesn't deserve to be destitute if I were to move on one day. Also, My Love deserves children and in 5 years, I would be too old to realistically start a family, that's a physical 20 year commitment! And financially I'll have college-bound teenagers so it wouldn't be wise to introduce an infant to the mix, especially if I anticipate supporting my Current Spouse.

I just can't imagine life without My Love when our current relationship comes to an end. He needs to find a person he can actually have a quality future with. At that time, we agreed we'll need to part, then develop a friendship only. How is he going to find a real person if he is so in love with me, though? I sometimes think I should leave him for his own good, but he swears he is freely with me, knows the price he is paying, and thinks it's well worth it. My Current Spouse can't afford to leave me, so I'm not worried about that. At least, he can't afford to until I clear up his debt. And he won't hurt me cuz, again, he needs me around. I'm not worried about crimes of passion nor separation on his part. We are unfortunately stuck with each other. I need him to babysit, he needs me to keep the bills paid.

But My Love is my best friend. He was actually the first one to say "I love you". We started seeing each other around December, so come Feb 14, we were only together 3-ish months but love documentaries were all over the place and we talk about EVERYTHING so we discussed that love has many levels. At that time, we agreed we had "you're a great person, I'm so excited I met you" feelings (3 months in, we're adults, we know we've got something special, but we need to wait for all the newness to wear off to see how real it is). Around 6 months we agreed our feelings are "we care about each other" and he even said I Love You at that time but like a friend type of way (which didn't offend me, cuz me I totally understand his meaning in almost all things), around a year we were beginning to use the Love word as in really-really-like-you, but now, after almost 2 years together, his "I love you" 's has the most passion and emotion I've ever heard. He was actually the first one to describe me as his best friend. He believes in the One Year Test. He says people can be on their best behavior and hide their true colors for up to a year, but after a year, the real you comes out regardless how hard you try to cover up. He says I passed the One Year Test with flying colors. We agree if I were available, we would even describe ourselves as In Love. We even think in another life, we could be talking about Forever Together by now.

Over the nearly two years we've been together, I've learned he handles stress by "going in his head" (that's how I've described how quiet and withdrawn he gets, and he's begun to coin that phrase, too). I've learned all he needs in those moments is to be held, kissed, touched. He is so independent, he doesn't need me to solve his problems like I'm his mom. He is a grown man, and just wants me to love him through it. I love I don't have to be a mother to him. Makes our "fights" simply discussions, debates. He has learned I freak out during stress and disappointments and knows how to kiss me to calmness. It's our running joke. When I'm stressed, I give him my cheek to kiss instead of my mouth, although his kisses are my magic pill and they make me feel better, so he jokes when I don't want to give him kisses, he is just going to take them anyways! He loves my problems away. I've helped him learn he is a procrastinator to the nth degree. But, this flaw is ok with me because he is disciplined enough he never passes a deadline; so it's not like he needs nagging, constant reminders, or that his life is in shambles due to never getting anything done on time. He just waits until the last fringing' minute to do anything. Kind of stressful when it takes longer than he expected & he is scrambling, But at least it gets done.br />
I love normal with him. Our work schedules are so weird, we can do more together than typical affairs. We run errands together (groceries, oil changes). We study together, I come over in the middle of the night and we wake up together. I call in sick, and we can fall asleep together. I love exciting with him. We have the most incredible dates. We both love new things, so we go to plays, movies, ethnic dinners, concerts, shopping. We'd love to travel the world together. We love the finer things in life and both have goals to acquire them. We have similar taste, we call it Simple Understated Elegance. He and I have even have the same level of neat-freak, hygiene and personal health! (ok, he has me beat there, he is a gym-rat, I just try to maintain). We love to learn and are always educating each other.

But mostly, I love his passion. I don't have sex with him, it's even more than making love, he takes me to this level much higher then that physical act. I've never had a lover connect so much on the emotional level that I trust and respect so much that I can actually enjoy being intimate with. Until him. He is non-verbally dominating, in bed he is AAAALL man. He is passionate, affectionate, my personal freak or passionate lover if that's the mood we're in. And then we lay naked, sweaty entangled bodies and we can talk about anything from our future to stocks to his ex. Yes! Even his EX is ok after-sex talk! I love how there is nothing we can't talk frankly about.

Thanks for letting me ramble so much. I've been holding this in for years. Even if there aren't any replies (which I won't doubt if there aren't any cuz this isn't an erotic sex-capade story), it's still been so therapeutic to actually say it.
simplymex3 simplymex3
31-35, F
5 Responses Sep 12, 2012

Hi i mwant to afair with married women so injoy to aal time anyplace anytime,so meet me realy so perfect match

I've met the most incredible man/boy. Call him the Chef. I've never cheated on my husband. I will tell him I want a divorce in about 6 months. How do I convince the Chef, who is gentle and kind, and I know would loose all interest in me, to be with me now? We have huge sexual chemistry. We have had sexting text after deep had connecting conversations. He is extremely passionate and loving. I know he would immediately cut me off. I need actual verbiage on what to say to the Chef. Please advise...

I believe we meet people for a reason. Good for to find someone you connect with on such a deep level. That alone is a joy in itself.

I dont know what to say, I like erotic stories but your tugs my heart because its not erotic.

I can somewhat relate to your story. My wife has many health problems and s*x with us is down to about once a month if we are lucky, I have bought her Femdom books and Male chastity books hoping she will be on board with spicing it up, but her indifference about the subject really frustrates me. We have great s*x together, but lately I have been trying to get her to talk dirty to me like " I am going to have a boyfriend and you will like it "( Femdom stuff ). She does it but we just had a blowout talk and she has no interest in any of it. She cannot dress sexy in heels anymore ( One of my fetishes ) because of her health issues. She has no interest in teasing or cuckolding me ( Another fetish of mine ). I am a good father and have no interest in splitting, but boy oh boy can it get mundane having to turn my self on for long periods of time while she struggles through the daily pain. I am an adrenaline junky and love to bring EVERYTHING in my life to an extreme, so I love excitement and the prospect and constant threat of losing control. Just me being me.