Happy But ScaredI have been married to my husband for 7 years now, been together for 9 years. We have 2 incredible children who are 3 & 6. Our marriage has always been a struggle. Part of it is I think we really rushed our relationship from once we met to moving in, buying a house, getting married and having kids in a really short amount of time and me being young. When I met him I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship and in a way attached myself to the first thing that was decent.
Over the years we have struggled. He sleeps all the time. And I mean sleeps. He works swing shift so he works 2 weeks of afternoons (3:30 pm to 2:00 am) and then 2 weeks of days (5:00 am to 3:30 pm). So I understand that can do a lot to your sleeping habits but it not that. He can sleep 10-12 hours in one night and sleep almost the whole next day. This puts a huge strain on our marriage. I feel resentment because he doesn't do anything when he is on afternoons I am a single parent for 2 weeks every month and then when he is on days he sleeps leaving my kids to fend for themselves.
Long story short we have had struggles with his sleeping, his parents who watch our kids. He doesn't do much for me or the kids and has never supported me in much in my life. But he claims he lives for me and does everything for me. Well I could sit here all day and list all the things he doesn't do for me. But in the end I have developed so much resentment and anger I don't want to be in this marriage anymore. I told myself I was staying for the kids and that was it and at some point in my life I would get a divorce.
A few months ago though I met someone. He is younger than me and lives in another state so we have talked for a few months now which has developed into this incredible relationship. With being used to not being able to have guy friends or to share my passions with my husband I found someone who is truly the other half of my soul. There is a deep connection between us that just can't be explained. Of course this is a huge secret and I plan to file for divorce soon. We had a planned trip to Jamaica in June so I plan to stick around for that but it is getting harder and harder every day.
In all of this though I go through days where I feel guilty and others I don't. I don't have really anyone to talk to about this and feel I need to get stuff off my chest and talk with someone who would be unbiased. I don't agree with cheating but when you are so unhappy finding just a little bit of happiness can help. I was falling into this deep depression before I met my boyfriend and he has helped with so much. I am just really afraid of what this will do to my kids, I feel guilty about hurting my husbands feelings, what will people think of me. So many things that I just want to talk to someone about. There are so many other things that have happened with my husband to bring me to the point of this cannot be repaired but that could take me all day to type everything out.
I would appreciate any advice. I realize some are not going to agree with this so please try not to be to hurtful with your comments. Just looking to be able to get things off my chest and find others that are dealing with what I am and understand me.