Ever since I was old enough to remember (I'm 19 years old now), my parents haven't exactly gotten along. I can count on my hands the number of times I've seen them kiss each other. They weren't ever the volatile types who would yell at each other or throw things--they mostly snipped at each other about little things around the house. My mom would always lean on me as a child and tell me how my dad always let her down and recently that she's "just not happy in her marriage" (I'm not sure why she thinks it's OK for her to unload these things onto me, but I digress). When I was little, I assumed this was normal behavior and that all parents were like mine but as I grew older and made friends whose parents went on things like date nights or actually went out for Valentines Day, I really started to question why my parents got together in the first place (they are COMPLETE opposites) and even more so, why they didn't just split up since they're clearly unhappy. I assumed they were staying together for me and my 2 younger siblings and I eventually got used to this idea/arrangement/lifestyle and everything was fine for the most part. We still did the things normal families do--go on family vacations, spend holidays together, and do things like go apple picking or to see a show together.

However, for the past 4 or 5 months, my parents have been worse than they've ever been. I think the reason for this is because my mom may be having an affair and it is making me sick to my stomach. All of a sudden, my mom started to become OBSESSED with her appearance. Not normal girl stuf like wanting to lose weight or something... I mean, she things like literally standing in front of the mirror twenty minutes at a time, looking at her face and saying she saw wrinkles and that she wanted to try botox or a brow lift. She started going to the gym (something she's never done--she's always been overweight and uninterested in exercise). This all started when she became """"friends""""" with this guy from work who is 27, a little over half her age! She started spending all her time with him. For example, they already work together 5 days a week. Then she joined yoga class two nights a week and I later on found on he was in the same class. Then she started meeting him for dinner and hanging out with him on weekends. This is especially strange because she is an introvert by nature and doesn't usually hang out with friends. She texts him ALL DAY and proceeded to make a snapchat on which he is her only friend. She even went so far as to tell me she was jealous that he went on a second date with some girl. HELLOO???? You're married!! My mom has never worn her wedding ring so I doubt if this guy even knows she is married. It makes me sick!!! I have managed to sneak her phone quickly on a couple occasions (hard to do because she's ALWAYS on it) and I've seen texts that say things like "I'm so glad you're in my life" "sweet dreams" etc, but nothing that is sure fire proof of an affair.... but yet a little too intimate for a casual friendship. I've literally been crying every single day because I feel so helpless and sad for my dad. I don't know if she is cheating for sure, but I'm pretty sure she is and I don't know whether to stay out of it or tell my dad or confront my mom.

One day, I completely broke down about a month ago. I told my mom I felt like all she cares about is this guy. She told me they are just friends and that I was overreacting. I told her their relationship makes me uncomfortable and she said "Ok I won't talk about him in front of you anymore." Not only is this a dumb solution, but she still does! She's consumed by him--he's all she ever thinks or talks about. She has even less patience for my dad than ever and my sister even told me that in May (while I was still living at school) she would sleep in my bed instead of in her room with my dad. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! Can anyone give me some advice? This thing's eating me alive :(
susie15 susie15
22-25, F
1 Response Jun 11, 2014

All I can say is it sounds like you need to say something to someone it's not ok to hold that stuff in. Your mom might not be physically cheating on your father but she sure as hell is emotionally and that's just as messed up and mire painful. Think if it this way if you tell you down now it won't hurt near as bad if he finds out 10 years later. But in the same sense you have to be ready to get some news you might not like!

Thanks for saying that. I'm considering seeing a therapist.

It'll eat you up to not tell your dad it's not your job to keep your moms secrets