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Wow! I Am Hurting And Want To Sleep Forever!

First of all, I've always felt alone in the world despite having freinds and family. I locked myself away for most of my 20's because of anxiety and depression. Then at 30 I fell in love with an amazing girl who loved me. She had some issues too and I loved her dearly. We were so magical for so long. For the first year I cried every time she told me she loved me or even looked in my eyes. We got married 6 yrs later and she cried throughout the wedding. I felt so bblessed. We just separated 6 months ago after 10 yrs together. We were unable to concieve children for some reason and started to grow apart. Last xmas day I found her chat conversation with another man. When I asked her about it she said she was leaving me. We did a trial separation and then tried to reconcile but the damage was done. A few weeks later I fell into a crippling depression. I begged and pleaded to work it out but it was too late. She has moved on and i am still dying everyday. I love her so much!!! I can't stop my feelings! She knows I am dying! It's probably a big turnoff for her but I keep reaching out. I've lost all interest in life. I know I'm done for. I love myself, I'm talented and attractive, but I cannot stop feeling this way. I cannot function well enough to get on with it, I'm in no shape to start a new relationship. If I was lucky enough to fall in love again i would probably cry until they leave me. I can't take it. I feel too much and I'm broken. I've been thinking about suicide every day because it relives me. I don't REALLY want to die but i can't take the loss. Some days are crippling. I will cry all day. It's not safe to see poeple because i start to think and then cry.....**** SAKES... I want my memory wiped!!!!! I can't go on much longer feeling this way. I'm a big cry baby loser!!!!
Softsoul Softsoul 36-40 Oct 18, 2011

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