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Wow! I Am Hurting And Want To Sleep Forever!

First of all, I've always felt alone in the world despite having freinds and family. I locked myself away for most of my 20's because of anxiety and depression. Then at 30 I fell in love with an amazing girl who loved me. She had some issues too and I loved her dearly. We were so magical for so long. For the first year I cried every time she told me she loved me or even looked in my eyes. We got married 6 yrs later and she cried throughout the wedding. I felt so bblessed. We just separated 6 months ago after 10 yrs together. We were unable to concieve children for some reason and started to grow apart. Last xmas day I found her chat conversation with another man. When I asked her about it she said she was leaving me. We did a trial separation and then tried to reconcile but the damage was done. A few weeks later I fell into a crippling depression. I begged and pleaded to work it out but it was too late. She has moved on and i am still dying everyday. I love her so much!!! I can't stop my feelings! She knows I am dying! It's probably a big turnoff for her but I keep reaching out. I've lost all interest in life. I know I'm done for. I love myself, I'm talented and attractive, but I cannot stop feeling this way. I cannot function well enough to get on with it, I'm in no shape to start a new relationship. If I was lucky enough to fall in love again i would probably cry until they leave me. I can't take it. I feel too much and I'm broken. I've been thinking about suicide every day because it relives me. I don't REALLY want to die but i can't take the loss. Some days are crippling. I will cry all day. It's not safe to see poeple because i start to think and then cry.....**** SAKES... I want my memory wiped!!!!! I can't go on much longer feeling this way. I'm a big cry baby loser!!!!
Softsoul Softsoul 36-40 1 Response Oct 18, 2011

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Broken heart, I know how it feel coz i have had so many times and I am trying to get over it at the moment too. There is the connection of the dots in this life, just think that this is the chance for you to get someone even better, the one that you've been dreaming of, the one that always love you with all her heart, never leave you and you will get her soon. I always think about that, I will get someone better and also I am trying to improve myself for "higher price", I want to make the one hurted me will regret because of leaving me, because of not trusting me for silly reasons. I am living thanks to those. <br />
And how about going somewhere to do charity, when you see the poor people, the orphan kids they are needing someone like you to give them little help, then you will see how important you are for some people. Dont desperate, believe me, something good is coming to find you, it just needs a little time to reach you and also it wants to challenge you a bit.