The AcheHere we go.
Maybe its because I suffer from depression or because I'm just too pessimistic and cynical, but a heartbreak HAS to be the worst aching sensation... ever ( forgive me for the run sentence) I'm 16 and I've been struggling with this for a year and 2 months. I know I'm young and I have a (hopefully) a long life ahead of me, but right now this pain is eating me alive. I have joined many after school programs and I believe everyone in my circle of friends know what I'm going through; talking doesnt help anymore, same with going out. I've stopped listening to music, I barely write, I dont like being around people - I've changed SO much. I know many say that this is going to help me in a future ( experience) but I think life went a little too hard on me. I've lost weight both voluntarily and involuntarily for and because of him ( one because I refused to eat, I was in so much pain! it was like my senses were heightened... the smell of food made me sick) I liked him, I liked him so much. I feel out of it, like life has no purpose. I've tried incessantly to not look at his updates online. I block him only to unblock him. He lies like there's no tomorrow and cheated on me multiple times. He always denied me. It was like I was this ugly person he never wanted to be with. I dont know what to do anymore. I'm always afraid, afraid I might see him, afraid I might never trust anyone ever again. It angers me, I wasted so much time on him. I'm alone in this. I've begged my mom to let me see a psychologist because I'm sure that the reason this has taken such a big toll on me its because of my depression and low self of esteem. She wants me to deal with it on my own, to be strong and pull myself out of this hole alone. I cant, I've been like this for too long and I've tried many times before. She suffered and battled Depression all by herself, she wants me to do the same. I cant, I have too much on my plate : social phobia, heart break, low self esteem, anxiety etc. It aches.
jlinahwrites 16-17 1 Response 0 May 21, 2010