I need Advice Urgently!

I was married for 16 years to somebody that was just there but totaly emotionally detached..He is a very good man, good to our young children but never took me for dinner, never wished me happy birthday or valentines day, never said I looked good.. We drifted apart and decided to seperate but stay under ths same roof but in different areas of the house for visa and finance purposes. (We are new in Canada).. I felt extremely lonely because all my family and friends are overseas and then I decided to look on dating sites for company..By chance I came across a Cougar dating site and the first guy that caught my eye I contacted by e-mail.. He responded and so it all began..
He is much younger then me and lives two hours away but he came by bus on weekends and we stayed in a hotel.. We dated for three months..It was the best relationship I ever experienced.He dined me, spoilt me, left me love letters every morning, told me I am beautiful (I am an ex model), took me out for valentine's day and even became jealous over me.. He at times turned on the tears a few times and begged me never to leave him..When it was time to part on Sundays we both cried.. it was a very emotional and deep relationship. The last weekend we spent together he cried again, telling me he has never felt this way and begged me to never leave him..Three days later I woke up to a letter stating that he just wanted to be friends..I was shocked and devistated! I cried and contacted him but he seemed to change over night..We kept contact almost every day..It has been two months now..the times we have kept in contact we have had the most terrible fights, called each other the worst names, but also almost getting back together again..two weeks ago he woke me up at 2am to come on skype..I thought it was good news and I rushed on but it was just to tell me not to text because he is with somebody else and will be spending the weekend with her.. I burst into tears and he just sat there.. I asked for how long he has been with her and he said about two weeks.. After the weekend we had a massive fight by text and then he asked me to come back on skype.. he told me he misses me and he will decide if there is a chance for us later.. We talk almost every day on skype..at times between 12 and 3am because he cant sleep and then I just sit and keep him company.. He denies he is with her but he turns his phone off certain times and goes out for the whole night at times.. It sometimes looks like he is deliberately hurting me and getting a kick out of it because he smiles when he tells me he will not be contactable for a night..At times he turns his skype on mute when he gets a phone call! Last night we spoke on skype from 12:30 to 4am.. during this time I established that he is staying awake because he is meeting "a friend" at 6am after "his" night shift..I felt used but could not log off on him..Once he asked me to ***** and then he said "****" and quickly "just joking"..Ofcourse I did not ***** and I told him people who are just friends do not do that.. I am completely broken about this..I feel I have to do the "no contact rule" to show him that I will not be his spare wheel or somebody who keeps him company when he is bored.. I love him and I was hoping he still loves me and will come back to me..I cry almost every night and I have lost my appetite completely..I feel lonely and depressed and I have no friends here in Canada to go for coffee when I feel the urge to text or e-mail..I sit with the phone in my hand waiting for that "ping:..when it does not come I feel miserable..when it comes I feel happy! Any suggestions?
smartygirl89 smartygirl89
36-40, F
4 Responses Jul 11, 2010

this guy is using you as a doormat. you deserve better than this, i hope you see that someday.<br />
<br />
there is no "love" in this young mans heart for you. the sooner you see that the easier it will be to let go. anyone who loves you would NOT treat you like this. i don't understand how you think this resembles anything like love.

Thankyou so very much for the two comments above... I am trying to implement the no contact rule but I do not have hte strength to carry it out! I will be honest... I miss how he did love me and tell me how beautiful I am and tell me how he has never loved like this before... This afternoon we skyped..He sat there smiling and telling me he misses me..I had tears running down my cheeks and he said "don't cry"..I asked him directly if he eas with someone else last night.."it does not matter" was his reply..His phone rang and he put his skype on mute...I lied and told him that I am starting to talk to somebody else and he said: "Noq I am put off you 100%..I was considering taking you back but now there is no chance".. Like a fool I asked "Do you still love me" and he replied "as a friend"..<br />
I am wondering if the no cantact rule would bring him to his senses if there is a chance that he does love me still..He confuses me constantly..He dangles his love infront of me and then he pulls it back..In the meantime I feel physically ill..

You should know that all those on datelines are just pla<x>yers looking for opportunity. Revolving around the highest bidder - most times you foot the bill. They will tell you anything you want to hear. Stopping by the ones they like for a booty call every now and then. Moving in with the most gullible ones, getting their bills paid, driving her car. Women love from their heart, and mean it. Guys are dogs, sniffing up every tree they pass. If you smell good, they'll pee on you. Period. You're playing yourself on online dating. And it could backfire ~

Hey,<br />
i have read this and nearly cried myself.<br />
I know this is hard to hear but he is a jerk.<br />
He just left you hanging like that!<br />
I know you love him, and love is blind.<br />
I know because i experianced the same thing.<br />
There was a guy I loved soooo much.<br />
He seemed to love me and we went out for a while.<br />
But there was another girl all of a sudden.<br />
He didn't say a word to me.<br />
He just acted like we weren't going out any more.<br />
And they would hug and kiss right in front of me!<br />
Then he blocked me out of his life.<br />
I'm still not over him.<br />
enoug about me ,but i would definetly go to a consuler.<br />
This guy seems like a pla<x>yer.<br />
He was great but you can find somone greater that will love you for who you are and ALWAYS love you no matter what.<br />
THAT man will NEVER wanna be friends.<br />
So leave this guy hanging let him know his chance is over and let him hurt.<br />
YOU move on.<br />
again go to a consuler.<br />
don't be a slave to him, just waiting until he is avalible.<br />
there will be a man whos love is true and you deserve the best.<br />
YOU deserve better.<br />
so much better.<br />
so leave him in the dust, get a consuler, and you will find him, there are other fish in the sea, and i know this is hard to hear, but just think about it okay? hear me out!