The No Contact Rule

Many of you have probably read my previous post..Just to recap:

I met a guy15 years younger, he lives two hours away. We used to spend weekends together. The three months we were together was something I have never experienced..We seemed to be totaly inlove. We cried when Sundays came and have to say goodbye. He was very posessive and so was I. Both of us telling each other that we have never loved like this. I am an ex model and he could not tell me enough how attractive I am (I never got that from my ex husband)..
After three months this young guy decided to end it..He just wanted to be friends. I could not understand it.He seemed to change overnight..We kept in touch daily by skype and text..At times he gave me hope that we are getting back together and just as quickly he would lift me up he would drop me again..I would sit in tears on skype with him just staring.. He stil got jealous if he thought I was talking to somebody else..It has been very confusing..
Then he told me he has found somebody and I must not text him anymor because he did not want her to know...a few days later he said it was not true..he confused me completely.. I do however know he has been going out at odd times..turning his phone off and when he gets home in the early hours of the morning he wants me on skype..sometimes I sit on skype with him from 2am to 4am!.. I love him and can not take this anymore..especially knowing that he might be seeing somebody else..I decided to start the NO CONTACT RULE last night....
He texted me at 2:30 requesting I come on skype but I ignored his text..He texted me about six times telling me if I care about him I would come on or am I sleeping..My heart was racing out of control while I ignored these text messages as I wanted so much to see him on skype..Then he called my house phone and I ignored that too....
Will the NO CONTACT RULE make him realise what he has done? will he miss me more?..will it chase him away?
I miss him and I am finding it very hard to cope..
smartygirl89 smartygirl89
36-40, F
24 Responses Jul 15, 2010

Just to let everybody know that we have no communicated for months. He cut contact after I told him I was moving to the US. Things were just too hard in Canada and I was not coping emotionally. I missed him and I thought moving would help me start a new life. I still miss him but I have no way of contacting him. He has blocked me everywhere. I will probably meet somebody new and I hope that in time I will fall out of love with Matt .

i like the no contact rule! its just going to make him want you more in my opinon... its whatever but dont sit around and wait for him hes not the boss of you you dont have to do the things he says especially since hes out doing his thing and only texts and calls you at his convievce thats not right. you deserve to be happy. remember one thing only you can change this situation the no contact rule is a good start. make you happy before anyone else because that is very important if you make everyone around you happy and not yourself your never going to be happy! goodluck hunny

Hi, this is horrible to go through. I had an over 6 months relationship. We live 2 hours apart as well. So we hardly see each other. By the forth month, she hardly pick up my calls or return my messages. It hurt. We broke off in May and NC by June. You should ask yourself. Were you happier before you met him? Are you happy to be with him with all this **** going on? (sorry for my language) And if he is 15yrs younger than you, he has plenty of opportunity. All I can tell you is if I love that girl, I will be eager to skype her. And if time permits, I will drive 2 hours just to be with her. Hope you can change him to be a better man. Good luck to you.

No worries. It takes many tries, and usually they keep on making it easier for you. If he is clear on what he wants from you and tells it to you straight wouldn't it be easier? How do you know he is back on various sites? <br />
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i'm now on 10th day of NC and he hasn't made any attempt to contact me either.

No worries. It takes many tries, and usually they keep on making it easier for you. If he is clear on what he wants from you and tells it to you straight wouldn't it be easier? How do you know he is back on various sites? <br />
<br />
i'm now on 10th day of NC and he hasn't made any attempt to contact me either.

No worries. It takes many tries, and usually they keep on making it easier for you. If he is clear on what he wants from you and tells it to you straight wouldn't it be easier? How do you know he is back on various sites? <br />
<br />
i'm now on 10th day of NC and he hasn't made any attempt to contact me either.

Oh this is about the third attempt..we made up after my last post..Things went perfectly well..he could not love me more and then a little more then a month ago he pulled the same **** on me..Just wanted to be friends and then did not want to know me..His excuse was he thought I was seeing someone behind his back. He is now on various date sites..he ignores my attempts to contact him and to ask him how he is (he was going through a rough time at home)..

How's the NC coming along? i'll be on my 10th day tomorrow. And he hasn't made any move to get in touch with me either. Mine was wonderful at lip service, lied, well.. he was abusive to the very end. None of his promises came true. <br />
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From the sound of things, I am sorry but this guy doesn't sound sincere and he sounds like a user with no empathy. Good riddance if you succeed in your NC. Don't waste any more of your time on a man whose word is no good. Take it from me.

For one month he gave me the cold shoulder..I cried and pleaded and told him it was killing me but still he stayed his distance..hardly spoke to me..New years even he texted and asked if I could stay on skype with him because he would be at home so I said "ofcourse"(slap me now! ughhh)..I waited and waited and he never came online..I got a text at 3:30 telling me he had fallen asleep..What crap!<br />
yesterday he texted wanting to know where I was..I said with friends then he called me a hoe and gross etc..He said "if you go home now I night reconsider"... I started crying because I love him and his words hurt.. He apologized..Again last night he said he would be online...I got excited but could not stay away longer so I went to bed..I got a text at 5:30 from him that he had fallen aslepp! Such BS! He was obviously with somebody else! I am starting NC all over again!

i know how you feel smartygirl. my ex dumped me, and now she's dating a firefighter, not even a week later! she keeps telling me that she really wants to be "just friends," but that maybe we could be together again some day... wtf, either you love me or you don't.... so i have decided to instate a strict NC rule. stay strong smarty! he doesnt love you.

I am now on day three of NC and will continue..I have come to realize that he has many others and not just me..I was just one of the many others and although I was hoping that he did fall in love with me through our contacts..I doubt it..He has abused my trust..he has abused my love and he has abused me mentally..I will decide what I am going to do when I feel a little better..But for today I need to get through TODAY..Right now I am disappointed and disgusted in him..

I have decided to cut him out of my life permanetly...There is too much heart ache!

PLEASE, PLEASE, continue the No Contact Rule. It is very hard, but it shows the other person that life does not revolve around them, and that you can make it without them. It happened to me and for 3 months I did not contact my ex. Finally he came back asking for me to give him another chance. I have. He said he often wondered why I never try to contact him, but that he was always wondering what I was doing or if I was with someone else. This does not mean that he/she may come back to you because the no contact rule. Remember, if someone rejects you lift your head high and go on with life.

I am staying in a hotel with my young family in his town..I have been here for a week while I look for an apartment...The reason I came here is work..LOTS of work compared to where I was and yes, in my heart hoping that he would come to me and change because I am closer..He came twice to pick me up in his mother's car and we went for tea..He told me he loves me but does not want to be in a relationship right now... But two weeks ago he was telling me how he can not wait to be with me again.. I am so very confused!<br />
He dropped me off at the hotel two nights ago after we went for tea and I had to go around the corner and cry because those feelings I have for him have not gone..When he said goodbye to me and he was hugging was more then just a hug..I could feel it.<br />
I am leaving this town on Tuesday , going to the next town because I have not been able to find accomodation... I have asked him if he will come and say goodbye and he said "I will try"..<br />
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I have not written on EXPERIENCE PROJECT for a long time and have only been notified of new comments and it is almost as though I need your advice all over again..I need those comments and maybe I should leave here and cut contact as you have all suggested.... I am so sad and depressed at the moment..

I'm sorry, but you two are playing emotional *games* and they only hurt each other !<br />
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If you want to be with him , then commit to the relationship.... marry<br />
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If you want to break free and start afresh, do the no contact rule.... change your cel number ! Don't go on Skype. Change your life ( and maybe address)<br />
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I hope you decide what you want and it works out well for you both.

Its hard for you and it hurts but you are never going to heal and break away from him if you keep in contact with him and keep giving him the power to keep hurting you. I have been learning the very hard truth about love that it cant be one sided or it hurts. I just broke up with a girl I wasn't in love with. Why was I with her then? Its complicated. But for your own sake you need to just stay strong on staying away from him. In time your heart will heal and it will get better and easier. Don't do what I normally do and latch on to the next nice person for the sake of not being alone!

I appreciate your comments..Yes we are still in contact..the same problems..nothing has changed!

Hi, I read this and had to respond. <br />
I am doing the same thing with a girl I was with for 3 years and recently broke up with me overnight. <br />
She told me I am not in love with you and broke my heart. <br />
3 weeks later she texts me that she always loved me and always will. <br />
I am not inexperienced when it comes to women but I was blind and justified everything she said in my favor. <br />
DON"T DO THIS!!!!!<br />
Go with your instincts. You know what is going on and face it. <br />
The no contact rule is for you, not for him. <br />
He has another girlfriend and wants you as a fallback when things don't go well. <br />
You are an ego boost when needed and will continue to be so as long as you allow it. <br />
When you start to heal, he senses it and will call you. <br />
I finally said "**** it" and I am truly healing. Not for her, but for me. <br />
That is the only way you can do it. <br />
Please trust me, and walk away. <br />
This can go on for years I have seen it happen. <br />
Good luck. <br />
My heart goes out to you.

HI!<br />
I do admire your "NO CONTACT" rule but you have to really ask yourself what do you want to achieve with this rule?<br />
Do you really wanna get back together with him and is sort of giving an ultimatum that if he never really wanna get back together then youll just lose contact altogether?<br />
Im not the best person in giving advice but I do know--from experience-- that if a guy really WANTS TO BE WITH YOU he'll do everything to be with you. No buts, no excuses.<br />
Men do sometimes give mixed signals but there are times that we- women- have to make a stand and put our foot down on issues when it comes to whether its worth staying in a relationship or not.<br />
The only reason he's missing you, I believe, is that he's choosing everyday to live without you-- hence ur committed relationship before-- when he split up with you.<br />
I know some guys make mistakes splitting up with women and sometimes they realize that.And when they realize that they'll let you know and ASK you to get back together.<br />
But most of the time they just feel lost and lonely that the'll give you false hopes of wanting to get back together only to be hurt more in the end.<br />
Give him a taste of what its like to really live without you.. Try to really not contact him --means initiating contact and accepting any calls for at least a month.<br />
Its hard but it will give you the emotional distance you really need to step back and assess your relationship and ask him before you start the 'no contact' rule to do the same.<br />
If he really wants to be with you he'll understand.

Unfortunately I was not strong enough to go through with it..I tried very hard but then he called and text messaged me about 10 times begging me to just hear him out and because I am soft..I cam on skype to hear what he has to say..He says he loves me and I must not leave because he has not felt compatible like this with anybody else..Unfortunately we live two hours apart and we do not see each other anymore..he is begging me to move closer to him when my lease expires...I do not know if I trust or believe him..this morning I asked if we were going to skype and his phone was off untill about an hour just made me think..I did not want to mention it becaue I do not want to lose him! Is it not ironical that I want to try and get through NO CONTACT but unable to break away ans scared I will lose him! PLEASE I need more advice and ideas..Do you think he really loves me???

Can you suggest a time? I am at a loss here

How long is long enough, without losing him. That is all I am suggesting. Hope things work out for you.

I have never demanded time because he is never available when I need to see him or talk... I have already broken it because he texted me asking for my opinion on his youtube video..I never gave me opion..just said I was out and not able to go online.... I don't know how long I will be able to do this..I just want to make it long enough for him to think and realise that he could lose me permanently...

I like your no contact rule, and sure wish I could use it right now, but people have feeling and get hurt when the pattern is changed. Your right about the reasons he is out late, or turning the phone off, etc., so a little play on his own terms is justified. Men want control of situation and you can let him, on your terms. It sound like you too do not have a demand available time and just connect as you wish. Change that to specific schedule, now that is your control.