Can Anyone Relate To An Ongoing Heartbreak - Not Divorce - That You Can Never Seem To Get Over?

I clearly married the wrong guy fairly young, had my kids and was a stay-at-home mother, and the divorce inevitably came when they weren't even finished with school yet. The way judges are often misogynists [and men], they unfairly awarded full custody of both my sons to their father since they wanted to be kept together. While that was obviously a heartbreak of a different sort, that's not the one I want to talk about here.

The heartbreak that's causing the most pain and still not healing is from the guy I met and instantly fell deeply in love with while separated. We were together off-and-on for over six years - which is tough to do and says a lot since he lived in other cities much of that time! - until he decided to 'settle down' again (he's divorced too) with someone living near him. He's been living with her for two years now, yet I still try to reach out to him from time to time to test the waters and see if maybe that relationship is over yet. I did so recently and it could not have been more disastrous. I don't know if I'll ever try reaching out to him again. But I still wait and hope and pray he'll come back to me some day.... I think about him every single day (frequently in fact), and I've tried both therapy and meds to no avail. Psychology today is definitely not all it's cracked up to be and they've still got a long way to go!

Someone once told me in a way, it's worse than the death of a spouse/significant other because at least they left still loving you, while in this case you know they're carrying on just fine with someone else and without you. Unsympathetic as that may sound, there's a valid point there. It's the double-whammy of abandonment combined with rejection, something I'm sure many divorced people feel as well, though as I said at the beginning, my divorce didn't hurt me emotionally at all (except for what happened with my kids).

Anyway, I've tried finding support groups for broken-hearted people not from the grief of death or divorce, and I've had absolutely no luck. Yet I figure some other people like me must be out there somewhere! If your story is like mine, please please get back to me. I feel like I'm the only person in the entire world who suffers this kind of heartbreak on a daily basis for years with no one to relate to or identify with.

Even if it's not like your story and you can't help me out, thanks for listening to me get it off my chest. :-(
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3 Responses Jul 20, 2010

I am going through something very similar. No one around understands. I am curious considering this post is a few years old if you have been able to move on with or without him. I need some sort of hope.

I can honestly say I know how you feel. I just posted mine, and it doesn't sound all that different from yours. It's hard...and every day feels like a struggle. I just wish people understood that emotions are not something to play with.

i'm sorry this is happening to you. i am currently breaking up with my long-term partner of nearly 5 years and it is really hurting me. i don't think i'll get over this in a hurry. i don't have any advice for you, just wanted to say i know your pain and sorry that you are having to go through this.