Help

I am 25. My boyfriend left me a few months ago. He was one year ahead of me in school. He was about to graduate and I guess he decided that he didn't want to include me in the new phase of his life that he was about to begin. The last time I spoke to him, after we broke up, he was still telling me he loved me and was deeply upset about the situationjean. I sent him a graduation present and he never said thank you or anything. I haven't heard from him since. He disappeared.

These last few months have almost killed me. I cry every day and am a mess. I still love him. I am hurt, angry, confused, and so many things. I still hold on to this fantasy that he might come back. I do not know what to do. Everyone says it will get better, but I feel worse and worse the more time goes on. I wonder if he has forgotten all about me or if he is with someone else now and happier. These thoughts destroy me. I am taking anti-depressants. I am sick of crying, sick of thinking about him, and most of all sick of the non stop hurt inside of me. I don't know what to do. I am so lonely and feel like no one understands. I don't know what to do. I do not wish to go on with my life most days.

lovesick84 lovesick84
22-25
4 Responses Aug 7, 2010

I read your story and it could've easily been written by me. I am also 25 and going through the same emotions you described. I also feel like I'm the only one going through this and feel so alone. A few months ago I met a guy online from London, I live in the US. Finding each other was a dream come true for the both of us, I felt like finally after all these years EVERYTHING I had been searching for was finally found. Make long story short, I was with him for 5 months and it could have literally been a love story out of the movies, I had never been so happy in my life before. The day after he flies back to London after seeing me he calls to tell me his ex is 7 months pregnant with his child. I had already bought a ticket to visit him 3 weeks after this, and despite this I still went. He treated me like a princess but insisted we couldn't be together because of the shame he felt and wouldn't allow me to live his mistakes with him. After all this happened I started doubting him, questioning if everything he said and did was a lie and this whole story was a lie. The entire time we were together he showed nothing but love and respect for me and claimed I was the love of his life. I was willing to give up everything for him and he let me go. He doesn't contact me because "he wants me to move on" but to me this proves he didn't actually love me. I also cry almost everyday. It's been almost 2 months and not a moment goes by that I don't think of him. I want to just forget now but I feel like its haunting me..he's in my dreams all the time and he's the first think I think about when I wake up in the morning. I've worked so hard in my life..have a good job and just graduated with my masters. Now I feel like nothing matters anymore, I constantly have this sick feeling in my stomach that doesn't want to leave. I feel like all the hope I had all my life has been permanently shattered..like life has teased. <br />
<br />
Sorry for writing so much..maybe I should've written this on my own blog but I just joined this site, hope it helps! I feel your pain, please contact me if you need to. I'm trying to stay away from anti-depressants, hope writing can be my cure.

My story is so the same.:( but th fact, he just is a cold hearted person..<br />
When a guy leaves you, they really don't want you ..Its been 3 months 6 days :(<br />
And I still cry everyday..sometimes when i am outside and i see the streets we used to walk on<br />
an everything I miss him.<br />
He graduated and he is having fun..they make that saddy face but just so that be don't blame them for anything.<br />
I donno why people get ready for commitment t when they have to throw a person off guard at the end.

It's very difficult to take sound advice on board when you're in such a state of emotional turmoil. Speaking from an my own personal experiences and those of others that I know the painful situation dominates nearly every waking moment of the day. The idea of anything existing that can possibly help seems unconvincing or alien, and for this period of grief it can feel like you're the only person experiencing this set of emotions - and they will to some extent be unique to you as every circumstance will be slightly different. <br />
<br />
The truest thing for others to say is that yes you are in a cripplingly painful place which to you there can only be two possible outcomes: your former lover suddenly sees the light and comes back to you - but you know deep down this is just a fantasy you take refuge in; the depression overwhelms you and suicidal thoughts drag you down to a state of desperation - do NOT entertain these thoughts for Christ's sake, this will lead to the worst case of a PERMANENT solution to what is a TEMPORARY problem despite apparent evidence to the contrary. <br />
<br />
You are constantly told that time is a healer because this is what we have all experienced, and we can all remember when we were told this we didn't believe a word. But one day, I can almost guarantee, you will wake one morning, who knows when?, and suddenly say "Actually I don't feel quite as bad about this as I used to", and you will be looking forward to your class that day, or a bike ride, or swim, or karate lesson, or drink with friends, or that holiday in Europe, or whatever. In the meantime this pain is part of you, it's your right to experience it, it's your authentic response to a major episode in your life, it's who you are and know one can take it away even when it becomes just an uncomfortable memory. Or even a cherished one.<br />
<br />
Chances are you'll read this and think "No, he just doesn't understand what I'm going through and I don't believe a word of what he's written." Remember this is exactly what I and others thought too in those dark days, but guess what? Life and our feelings did change - whether we wanted them to, or not.<br />
<br />
I wish you all the very best on this stage of your journey.<br />
<br />
Tender Heat

sorry to hear that your so hurt. <br />
its amazing how people so far away from eachother can really understand someones pain. <br />
I can tell you this right now that everyone has prob. told you this before, but things happen for a reason. <br />
and that that reason was to show you that it was never meant to be. if it is easy for him to let go and say goodbye , then it clearly shows how easy it would of been for him to hurt you more in the long run. I dont know the whole details of your break-up but if your sad, then the best thing to do is not to hide it and let all out. we're human we have feelings of different emtions, makes us who we are. Don't let one moment pass by you thinking that life is over just because someone who you thought , loved you so dearly let you go for his own interest. thats him being selfish ! This is your life, that has been shared with someone for awhile and couldnt return the favor of mutual feelings. Your life and everyone elses where meant for more and to also share it with someone who truely loves them back. Don't be depressed at it for too long, because it only takes a second to realize all the great things out there that can totally change your life=) Be strong, finish school , find your way of life the way its meant for , and live it like there is no tomorrow bc. nothing is or should be wasted with sorrow. Take a trip somewhere spontaneous, view things in a different perspective, get a pet, go shopping, do something you always wanted to do before. Things like that can trigger a better hope of positive emotions. Hope all goes well, and if you need to talk im always open ears !