Beautiful Marriage Proposal Rejected

It's been about a month now, and I am still reeling from a rejected marriage proposal from the one I believed I'd spend the rest of my life with. It is ironic because we'd been together for over 2 years, and from the beginning she was the one who pushed kids, marriage, house and family. I was the one who was rather reserved about the whole idea. Eventually as our relationship grew, and my love for her grew exponentially, I decided to buy her a ring and take the big step. I am 34 years old, and had never even contemplated asking any woman to marry me. Needless to say, I thought I was good at reading people, and I would not have done this if I had known there was any chance of her saying no. Even her best friend in the entire world was excited a week before, and helped me choose the ring!

I treated her with the utmost love and respect for the entire time we were together, accepted her flaws, and thought that she accepted mine. That is what a good relationship is about, as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, I picked the most beautiful of settings at sunset, got down on my knee, gave her a beautiful speech about how she was my best friend, my confidant, and that I couldn't imagine being with anyone else for the rest of my life.....and she says no, and tells me that for the last number of months she had been having issues with me which she was afraid to address for fear of hurting my feelings...I will not go into detail, but will say that all of the issues she presented were ones which, in my mind, should not have incited this response to my proposal, and also issues which could have been easily overcome.

What I wonder now is this: she says she still loves me still, but is just confused, and needs to find herself and what she wants in life.....and is also saying that she is doing this for me so that I can find myself....are these reasons just veiling the fact that she simply doesn't love me anymore? If so, it would have been much easier if this were the case. We still talk, but I have recently told her that I will be forced to cut ties completely for my own sanity, and she is sad because of this. I am just trying to find some sense in this situation, and thought that someone here may have some insight.
niceguysfinishlast34 niceguysfinishlast34
6 Responses Aug 11, 2010

As much as everyone claims they want honesty....that isn't the case when we don't get the answer we hoped for. Take some time Think about the points she made can you work at changing them? Do you want to? Are you even capable? I mean you can work on putting your dirty clothes in the hamper you can't change your eye color. I recently asked my boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs to marry me and he flat out said no. He was married before and congratulated me from at least getting him to consider it but ummm that did nothing for my crushed ego or heart. We've lived together for the last year so what I'm good enough to lay beside each night but not as your wife one day? If her points are more excuses then struggles she and you can work on you need to walk away. Cherish the happy memories and use them as the standard you treat the next person. Your gonna be angry and sad for awhile and that's ok. Take some time be single abd truly search inside yourself what you want (Heidi klum) what you need (honesty conversation conversation, loyalty, forgiveness, etc) And what you can honestly provide emotionally and financially and only after you've explored those ad can give herself honest answer can you give them to another. Embrace the pain but don't let it consume you change you. Grow and move forward either with the current if you can find common ground or let go and walk away better for the honesty. Best of luck.

It really hurts very much to get rejected, especially if you really love that person so much. I have been rejected already which i never did anything wrong in the first place since i really wanted to spend the rest of my life with the girl that i was with at the time. And she said No which really hurt me very much. But then the next guy that she was with, i found out later on that she Cheated on him which makes me believe that she Cheated on me from the very beginning. What a low life loser she turned out to be which i was very much Saved from marrying her.

Wow, what a terrible thing. I do agree though, at least she told you the truth. It will hurt for a LONG time. But you will find a better fit. I promise.

I'm sorry you are going through this. The thing that strikes me about this situation is her bravery to tell you the truth, right in that moment. I was in a moment like that 5 months ago, and would have made any excuse not to go to the beach that night if I had known what was coming. I said YES even though I had doubts. I have doubts EVERY DAY about being engaged and moving forward with these plans and he is only just starting to see that. I am 34 also. I think part of this is that I have been myself for 34 years, and I have a lot of difficulty picturing myself having to live HIS way for the rest of my ilfe. At the same time, if I call it off, I know that he is such a good man, and what if I regret it? SO my point is, what a favor she did by being so honest right then and there. I think that in itself is proof that she loves you as a human being, and I am sorry that I could not have told the truth when I was in that situation.

Perhaps my typical bluntness is not appropriate at this time. Suffice it to say, I think you deserve better, and as many things are, this could be a blessing in disguise. Since it sounds like you were truly hoping for her to say "Yes," it reminds me of a song I heard on the radio the other day, the particular lyrics being, "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." If you aren't religious, substitute "the" for "God". I know it's true, as I've been there before. Hope I've helped and not just wasted your time, @niceguysfinishlast34. **Hugs** (if it helps, otherwise, it'll give you a reason to electronically slap me and work out agression, LOL!)Best of luck and my condolences.

If you believe that things happen for a reason, then apply this now. I know it hurts to be rejected. No one ever wants to be rejected, but in the end, she may have done you an enormous favor by letting you go. <br />
<br />
Trust me, you will meet someone that is right for you and that can love you the way you deserve.

i'm so sorry, i wish i had the answer for you. i just broke up with my partner of nearly 5 years just over a week ago and i know the pain you're going through. i have heard the same things from people before who i think were just trying to soften the blow because they genuinely don't want to hurt us. <br />
<br />
i think, for some reason, some people get to a point in their growth where they realise they no longer want to continue with the partner they have. i don't know why, i'm not one of these people but i have been on the receiving end of a breakup like this and i'm going through it right now too. i'm reeling in my own pain, but i'm trying to make sense of this experience too because although i wasn't dumped in any words, i had to live with watching my partner first become someone else (transgendered), then want other things and is also going to find herself at the age she is now... geez that's what i was doing in my 20s. <br />
<br />
i just wanted to reach out and tell you not to lose hope, because you seem like a very reasonable person (i am not!) lol. i hope you have supportive friends, it sounds like this lady meant a lot to you. she didn't realise how lucky she was to find you and you will meet someone right for you, i'm sure. just like there has to be for me eventually as well, though i can't say i'm thinking of that right now.