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My Daughter

i dont know where to start so you will understand as you read this it happened all so fast.my ex husband has anger issues and put me in hospital.i was in pain for 4 months.we are still talking but i am nervous around him.i dont think he will do it again and most of the time things are god when i see him.i did get depressed when i had to ask him to leave.i was i a big empty house hwe was paying for which made me feel guilty and he gave me a little money to feed his daughter.one day his step mother inlaw talked with me.i had no one to talk to i poured my heart out.she talked with me again.i dont know how but she made me believe my daughter was suffering and i needed a few weeks out of the house and from my daughter.to my own disguist i agreed.the next day i wanted my daughter back and go back home.as she moved me out.i only allowed it because i was confused and my daughter was going to be with three adults who had money as i had none.i was told if i move back and with my daughter she was not going to help me get a job.or a place of my own.also she added to the weeks saying months.then after that saying 6 months to a year.i have been suffering everyday without my daughter.i feel like my life is nothing without her.as i was typing this letter i got a call.i might have to pay my ex money.he who works has two other adults who work all have lots of money and me who has none.they have my daughter who is priceless.i can go back to him and might be sad but have my daughter.or i can struggle how i am now.he would be boss of course.i made it a long year for him.i asked him to leave once before 3 months later i let him back.he was boss.this time it has been 7 months.i dont want to even imagine what will happen.but i will have my husband.my daughter and a place to call home.and my belongings.i am having trouble explaining my story right.my eyes are filled with tears.i am lucky if i see my daughter for 4 hrs a week and she has swimming lessons during that time :( tonight she has a christmas concert which i was told she does not.tricked once more.the list goes on.my ex.is happy and would tell me of such things bt the step mum has pulled my daughter away and keeps pushing me.it makes me want to fight.i am so confused.i want to do whats right for my daughter.i am scared if i go back how it was.but now i would be bossed that she would be unhappy.she was unhappy with her dad and me.but happy with me alone.sad without me.well i know some of the time.they told her she does not live with me because i am sick.my depression is better.i only suffer because i have lost my daughter.
freeangel freeangel 31-35, F 6 Responses Dec 2, 2010

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First of all, if he put you in the hospital, he will do it again. Men like him promise it will never happen again, but it does, and the next time is usually worse. It also seems to me like the step mother is trying to raise your daughter as HER OWN, that is totally messed up. You might have to go back for a short time. Then wait a short time, and take your daughter again, this time don't even talk to that woman who basically manipulated you. Also another reason to avoid talking to her is that she may be illegally recording you so she can take anything you say out of context.. Just an idea, as a last resort, but a way to get your daughter all legal and be able to have her with you. This is something I would do if i had to, so please don't take my advice without making sure YOU are and will be safe. I honestly hope this does help you. You deserve your child, as do a few other friends of mine, one being Restlesslegend. Good Luck, if you don't mind, keep me updated. I do wonder about these situations once I am aware of them more than people know.

time to call the volunteer lawyer project. If you were granted custody, you have a strong case to get her back.<br />
<br />
bob

I totally agree with whatahappiness' comments. You need legal advice urgently. Are there any places where you can get free legal advice?

thank you for your comments taking the time to help me :) i am grateful

This is such a sad story. I have experienced parallel with my kids and my ex, but not to such a degree. There are some really unhealthy dynamics which I can see. Take stock of these and see what you can do to change the situation. Looking at your snapshot I can perceive: 1/ Your ex has control / anger management issues in which instead of dealing with he is making you feel guilty and responsible. This situation will NEVER change 2/ your ex and your step mother (in law?) are using your daughter as a "pawn" in the ultimate control (and demise) of your own physical and mental well being and the relationship of your daughter. 3/ it doesn't matter whether you live in a cardboard box with no money, or a well established family home, your relationship and ongoing contact with your daughter is so important. Your daughter was not suffering YOU were suffering as a direct result of the conflict and control issues with your ex and you are now being exploited. 4/ Your husband wants you back and is using your daughter as the ultimate control. you wouldn't take your abusive husband back in a pink fit if it wasn't for your daughter. (would you?)<br />
The Future: 1/ Get yourself in a comfortable place where you can accommodate both yourself and your daughter 2/ I agree with Justscott that you should file for custody. Don’t forget to table all the history of physical and emotional abuse that you have suffered in the past. 3/ DIVORCE this man. Do not EVER go back with him. He will continue to abuse, control and assault you for the rest of your life. Believe me; your daughter will be in a far worse situation living in a toxic family situation than living between 2 separate households.<br />
I have been divorced now for 7 years and have 2 daughters now 10 & 13. I share custody with my ex and have a court order drawn up. My children tell me that they would rather bounce to and fro in 2 households than live in a house where mummy and daddy are fighting all the time. I also made the mistake of relinquishing some of my custody time back to my ex and I regret it. In Australia the family law courts generally favour 50/50 custody and do not place financial status as a deciding factor. Not sure how it is in your state. I quote your words “she was unhappy with her dad and me. but happy with me alone. Sad without me.” If you want to make your daughter and yourself happy read again what you wrote yourself. You know it .<br />
I really wish you all the best. Be strong and take control. Take your daughter back , but do not take this man back.

Legally fight for your rights to your child. File for custody and have a chance to tell the courts how things got to the point they are now.