Did She Ever Really Love Me??

Hello everyone. I'm in a bit of a psychological "pickle" here--well ok thats putting it quite mildly! Truth is, I'm head over heels in love with someone whose just broken my heart with a very sudden breakup with me, and the haunting thoughts of her and what we had are consuming me---making it very difficult for me to concentrate on anything else during my day. I feel like I know whats going on, but I could definitely use some help in defining what the deal is, accepting it, and moving on if need be.  Hopefully thats where you guys come in!! :-)
 
Ok so even though this entire saga has transpired over only about 4 weeks, there is  A LOT that has happened within that time and I'm going to attempt to condense as much as possible into this-hopefully I can avoid making this annoyingly long!
 
So about 4 weeks ago, I had reached out to this woman on an online dating site. Took us a few back and forths to get comfortable with each other but eventually I gave her my number and soon after she texted me.  I decided to reach out to her via phone on a Friday afternoon (I remember this distinctly because thats when it all started), and honestly, we hadnt stopped talking pretty much 24/7 from that very point until now. Anyway, we spoke very long that day, all the way until the evening when she had to prepare for a date she was going on with another guy that she had known for about a week prior to me 1st calling her.  And she told me on the phone, that she had actually been "feeling" this guy as well and maybe something could possibly happen with him--but that she REALLY was feeling me at that point--supposedly  more so than she was that guy. Just so happened that I was going out on a date that night as well with a female I kinda liked too.  Yea, I know. Anyways, we both knew we would spend those dates thinking of each other and it seemed to go that way. Unfortunately, she actually committed to that guy that night and the next morning told me about it. As you can imagine, I was furious. We went back and forth about it all day that saturday until we finally realized that regardless of whatever "commitment" she made to him, her and I were not going to be able to not speak so we may as well had faced that fact. So we continued talking.
 
I dont wanna spend too much time on the details of the "other" guy and gal, but basically we both had other folks in our midsts at the same time, but as we continued to speak and get to know one another, we developed extremely strong feelings for one another and I mean EXTREME. (or so I thought-I know I did for sure).  About a week after that 1st day, her and I declared each other boyfriend/girlfriend. But this "dude" was still, for some reason, in the picture. She promised to rid us of him but claimed she wanted to do it slowly and gradually as to not hurt his feelings. So she asked that I give her a week to be done with him completely and I agreed.  Thing is, throughout that entire week, he would be popping up at her job, at her house, (supposedly by surprise and against her wishes), so she wound up spending lots of time with this man WHILE she was supposedly MY girlfriend. Her justification was always that she was "trying to let him down slowly". Didnt make any sense to me then, and still doesnt. But anyway.  Mind you, I STILL hadnt even been able to see her ONCE at that point yet. I had many sleepless nights that week-it was quite unbearable.  But we kept on. She constantly reminded me how committed she was to me and how I was her choice 1,000% there was no questions about it.  Soon after, maybe a couple days, she wakes me up at like 3am with a text saying "Is it customary to not be able to sleep when you're falling in love?"  and so I of course, wake up and call her right away. It was on that phonecall that she told me she loved me and I told her the same. So now it was [B]super[/B] official. Right? Well lets move on.
 
So now, we're in love and saying it to each other all the time and everything else that goes along with that EXCEPT one thing, its like week #3 and I still havent even met this woman. Now, even when we 1st started speaking, she told me she had a very demanding job and all, but as time went by, and our feelings became stronger and stronger, I began to question this whole "My schedule is too crazy to meet" crap. I mean, my schedule was/is crazy too just like everyone else's, but I know I would make time for her whenever. The same wasnt true on her part. We had planned to meet up that Wed after work, but we got into some scuffle (and this is another thing, her temper is very very extreme to the point if she gets pissed at the tiniest thing, the argument can last for the entire day!) so yea we got into some minor scuffle, and so then she gets pissed and schedules some after hours conference call at her job and now we cant meet! AAAAAHAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Ok so we also had set a date for that Friday so ok, only two more days right? I can handle that right?? Ok.
 
So finally, Friday comes (this past Friday 5/4), and we meet at her doctor's office-as she is being prepped for breast augmentation she's getting this month. She wanted me to be a part of that and of course I wanted to be a part of that. So I met up with her at about 12;30 pm that Friday. We spent all day until about 12am together that day. Honestly, its was the best experience I have ever had with a woman-EVER. Hands down nothing has even come remotely close to the feelings I felt that day--the affection we showed each other--the hugs the kisses, etc. It was truly amazing. We reveled about it for days after. The next morning, we actually met up at the gym and worked out together. Was great.
 
We planned to go out that night (Saturday) after she celebrated her nephews birthday with some cake and food. We were gonna meet up around 8pm and watch the Mayweather fight after. Cool. So I call her at around 5:30 so she can start getting ready. She was sleeping so I let her get a little more rest. No problem, I know how much she works. So she calls me up at around 6pm and tells me her sister woke her up to tell her to get dressed and that they were going to Dave and Buster's for her nephews bday celebration--oh yea, this kid is 16 years old. Yeah, I know. Anyway, she calls me to break our date because she needs to "be there" to support her 16 year old nephew--she's VERY close to her family and I should totally understand that. Right?? Of course, as you can imagine, I was supremely disappointed. I reacted in some ways that werent true to my character--I made it seemed like I was so crushed about that that I wouldnt even go see the fight at all and would just stay home and like basically pout. Not my style at all, (and I wasnt really gonna do that), but I guess I wanted to give her the guilt trip. I feel like it might have back fired. She was very turned off by my reaction but we worked it out and were back lovers again soon after into that night while I was watching the fight w friends and she was doing her thing with the family.  So ok, no saturday, but what about Sunday right? Well, Sunday was a no go because her other sister, home from Kansas, wanted to get some quality time with her and the other fam so yea, no go on sunday either. I once again take a back seat to "family". Supposedly. Still, we talked and spoke and texted all day long as we always did, everything seemed cool and we realized her schedule was tight but we agreed that we would work around it and find ways to make our relationship work.
 
So Monday morning comes and she calls me on her way to work early as usual. There's something different though, I was so connected to her that I could tell in a millisecond if anything was wrong. So I asked her. She said yea she's ok, just feeling a little under the weather, maybe coming down with something. I said ok. So she gets to work, and we hang up and then begin texting, as usual.  But still, something isnt right. I could feel it. I ask her again…."babe what’s wrong something’s going on and I know it-just tell me what’s up".  So then, outta nowhere, she drops a bombshell on me that she doesnt feel like she can be in a relationship with me (or anyone) right now because of her crazy schedule and that (and oh how I love this line) "Its not you its me"...gotta love that! lol I HATE THAT!!! She was saying that it wouldnt be fair to me, or her, or our relationship, if she werent able to devote the time to it that she felt she needed to in order to fulfill her duties as a girlfriend.  Yea, you can only imagine my grief! I didnt scream or yell, but I did plead with her and tried to make the point that we could work it out if we really wanted to and really tried. But BOTH of us needed to feel that way not just me.  Bottom line, she sprung the whole "I still love you and definitely want you to be in my life can we be friends until such time that I feel ready for a relationship?"  Ugggggghhhh most dreaded words in the history of relationships!! At first I was very reluctant to doing that--I realized I could never really be just friends with this woman. At first I rejected that proposal, and she was like "Ok I respect your wishes to not speak or be friends. I wish you the best you deserve it". Yea she was basically ready for that to be the last time we spoke.
 
I was never really planning on actually not talking to her as friends, but I wanted to see if it meant enough to her to challenge me on that decision and try and fight for us to remain in each other's lives. She failed that test miserably. But still, here I came, chasing after her like a lost dog. Telling her ok Im cool with friends for now, we'll see where it goes.  We've communicated a couple times since then (yesterday) and not at all yet today. My question is, DID THIS WOMAN EVER REALLY ACTUALLY EVER LOVE ME?  Cuz I really dont see how you can truly love someone like the way she claimed to love me, and not make time for them and make them a priority like they make you.  Jobs are jobs, but am I wrong by thinking she would have found a way if she really loved me??  I know I would have.  And is that really a plausible reason for breaking up with the so-called love of your life???  There's something else going on here and I cant quite put my finger on it but there's a lot more to this chic and her situation than she's putting on.  I'm ready to just forget about her altogether and go ahead and move on but if there's a chance that we can actually have something in the future, I wouldnt wanna turn my back on that.  So do I do the “lets be friends for now” thing or do I dash out and cut my losses and deal with the pain that will come along with that?  Help me folks!   THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR ALL REPLIES!!
cuzinblack cuzinblack
36-40
3 Responses May 9, 2012

Despite the short time you have known her, I believe and respect how you feel because true love is outside of time and we are also individuals. I don't believe in making time comparisons to validate true love so I can identify with you.<br />
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I too have recently had a ''I still love you as a friend'' and ''still want to be friends''. from my ex. I've had the love of my life end our relationship because I work weekends even though I'm available every evening. Yes, if she really loves me why didn't she try and work it out instead of finishing the relationship out of the blue?<br />
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With your situation cuzinblack, either she thought she loved you but never did or she did love you and no longer does. You will do your head in trying to work this one out. I can't accept how a woman can love a man then suddenly end a relationship without a valid reason or one without discussion. I suspect something else is going on whether it be another man or not. It may also be for selfish reasons on her behalf. I know not knowing is a mind scramble. <br />
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If you accept her ''let's be friends'' you'll end up being manipulated by her. I also think she'll lose respect for you which she'll certainly do if you run after her.<br />
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Best to do nothing, have self respect and move on, I know I have do this too, even though I'm still in love and obsessing about my ex every second of every day. I've never suffered so much agonising pain before but we have to take every day as it comes and patiently wait for the pain to ease.

The only thing you can do is to move on. I know how hard it is but there is nothing you can do. Probably she wasn't the right for you if she probably cheated on you. I'm not gonna say anything more but my best friend says that people make mistakes and get hurt but no matter what life goes on and you have to do the same thing

Cut her lose. She has probably been cheating on you with this other guy. As a female I know that the whole let him down slowly is all bullshit. She led you on probably just for the attention and the feeling of having a man chase you. One thing you cannot do is sit at home thinking about it, it will just throw you in a down-wards spiral. Get out n have a drink or something. I feel your pain, it sucks I know I have been through it.