I'm Not Strong Enough To Let Go

We first become a couple in March of 2010, and then about a year ago she left me, she told me she didn't love me anymore and got with this guy, who no offense looks like he's 10x my weight. Well I was torn apart, summer came and went, and I had started seeing people again, not seriously just a few dates here or there,  and then we started school again, she was in almost all my classes. She came to me about the second day of school saying she didn't mean anything that she said and that she wasn't even interested in the guy she dated, and that he was fat and disgusting.. Those were her exact words. So we got back together, and then five months later, in early February she left me again. A few days later I found out she was back with that same guy... Well I flipped out on her, unlike last time where I just stayed out of it. We decided to try to remain friends because I couldn't bare the thought of not talking to her, but we would fight constantly... A few weeks ago I found out she was engaged to this guy, a guy she has only been seeing for 3 months and about a week ago she texted me saying she had sex with him. Since then, we have agreed on not contacting each other, I deleted my FB even though she had blocked me on it because I would be too tempted to look at her fiance's profile, and got my whole class schedule changed so I don't have to see her at all. I don't know why I still miss her, or why I still think about her for that matter. I practically torture myself everyday, thinking of him and her together... (He's already graduated so I never had to see them together during school) The pain is not as strong as it was the first time she left me, but whenever I hear something about her and him my heart beats fast and I get that sick feeling in my stomach all over again... I guess I keep hoping that she's going to come back because she did the last time, and I don't have the strength to let go because what if she does come back... 
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26-30
2 Responses May 13, 2012

Wow spell check got me. Supposed to say someone you can TRUST! Not frustrate. Lol!

Duds. There is plenty of fish. You deserve someone you can frustrate and who cares about you. Closethat door so another one can open. You're way too young to think you've found the ONE. Now you know how you DONT want to be treated. You learned something. Ask the man upstairs to bring you to the right one. Ive been where you are and i wish I knew then what I know now. Someday you'll wonder why you gave her the time of day. Trust me and if not trust in HIM.