My Corruption

I want to ask you to save me from waht I'm becoming. I can't protect myself. I've tried, a lot harder than average. And guess waht? I can't do it. So don't you think you could do me some kind of decency? But you're everything I said you would be without me. I'm glad you're happy. No really. I mean it won't last so you should be happy. I was stupid enough to believe you were in love with me so it turns out you've played me this whole time. You acted like you were oh so "dumb" and told me all the time about how you were never really going to get anywhere. Well look at you you're just fine & smart& put together. I'm really the one who ****** up her life. Not you. I'm glad you're doing good. I'm even happier that I'm doing bad. Come on though,  waht have I ever done to you or really anyone that I deserve to feel this bad? I know I'm just your psycho ex girlfriend but I would just love it if you took a break from your perfect life and lived mine for a day. Walked in my shoes. Felt every feeling I do. Had every conversation, none with you. We had that type of love that only we knew how it felt. We were on cloud 9 all the time and I had never been where I was in my head at that point. I felt normal, as mental as I am. Down to earth and sexy. Safe. Now I'm stuck in the "in between". I no longer want to live on this earth but I'm too scared to kill myself. Wahts the point if you're not going to be where I'm gonna end up? If you're still here, I'll be waiting. I always talk about you like yur a goddess. Yeah, no. That really is not the case. In fact its about time I shout out **** YOU. You got to go on with yur new life that I helped yu follow in. I got stuck in the in between. No happiness. No love. Just loneliness and drugs. I wish you knew to expect my funeral notice soon. You're ******* self-centered so you probably wouldn't care. Cos really I was such a burden. Is it my fault I've been ****** up in the head since I was a little kid? I still deserve better than you. Cos yenno waht mayra? You're a piece of shyt. And not even the kind I'm smoking. I wish I could say **** off but I'm putting up a front cos I'm not that strong. You cheated on me, you lied to me, you wasted more than 2 years of my life. And then the next two. You put me right back into my depression and I now can officially say I'm a cutter once again. But once a cutter always a cutter right? You wouldn't know that though bcos for someone so "G" as you, you haven't been through any of the shyt I have and you'll never understand. So after all this pain most would think you were finished but guess waht? Nope not even close. Cause worst of all, now you're killing me. Not the joking with you kind of kill. Not the "oh wow you're so hilarious you're killing me" kind of kill. The heaven or hell kind. My case looks like hell but maybe I'll get lucky. So I'm dying. Slowly. Maybe you're "innocent" of understanding this feeling and shouldn't be blamed. Waht do I have to day to that? ****. No. Luckily for you , you got away without even a scratch. That's funny cos one day you'll realize that the love I had for you was so real it was almost unreal that it even existed. Well it does. But you're never going to get to enjoy it. Not just with me, anyone. Cos nobody will love you like the way I did. It was something almost heavenly and you just threw it away. The next time you think of me it'll be too late& when you finally realize you need me as you're hearing about my funeral ceremony, I hope it kills you. Except I want you to live. I want you to live with waht you did to me. If I'm going to hell, then you're coming with me. We'll finally be together.    
nodopenohope nodopenohope
18-21, F
May 16, 2012