Boyfriend Of Almost 1 Yr And 5 Months

Last monday he said he wanted a break for summer. We're in college together and I freaked out because I love him with all my heart.
This isnt my first relationship and this isn't the stereotypical "I can't live without him". On Wednesday he called me and wanted to talk.
I assumed good news otherwise why would he want to talk? But no. I went over and eventually said if we were going to take a break we
needed to set ground rules. He said he wanted it to be more permanent and less temporary. I said that wasn't a break. He said he wasnt
sure what it was so I asked directly if he wanted a permanent break and he said he just needed to work on himself and be by himself for a while. I said that was a break up. I know a lot of girls say their guy is different, but I've been through crappy relationships in the past and that isn't this. He still loves me, he admitted it. But it is his first relationship and He said he wouldn't date the perfect person even if they came along because he needs to work on the things he's noticed and doesn't like in himself. And I trust his reasons and I believe him. Please don't question that. I still love him with every thing I am. I know I'll be okay without him, and I know I was happy before him but my standard of happiness was so much higher when I was with him, everything seemed shiny and beautiful in comparison to now. He's my best friend and I can't not talk to him. I just HOPE that he figures it all out before summer ends. Please don't tell me to drop him as a friend or question his reasons, I know him and that isn't what I can do. I'm completely heartbroken and I feel sick. I just want to wake up curled up next to him and have him tell me it was a bad dream. I need advice. I can't be alone for more than ten minutes without bursting into tears and all I want is for him to want our relationship but I know I can't control that. The thought of looking at anyone else that way makes me sick to my stomach and when I realize he isn't here to share things with I just feel so alone and lost. I'm trying not to call him unless he calls me except every other or three days because talking to him is the only time I feel better and he's my best friend like I said before. I didn't talk to him yesterday and he sent me a Facebook message before bed saying he hoped I had a good drive home and he would talk to me later. Today I called because he asked me to call and let him know I got home safe so i left a message and he called me back and when I said I had to go he said he might call me tonight or tomorrow. I just wish this week hadn't happened. :( I have this gut feeling that we arent done which I've never had after a break up before and I'm scared that he's never coming back. I feel so broken and alone. I just wish someone other than him could fix this.
lavendeririss15 lavendeririss15
May 16, 2012