I'm Afraid I'm Being A Fool.

Some background...my wife and I separated in July of last year after 6 years of marriage. We are still separated, and she is living with another man. I have come to accept this, and her and I are friends. This whole story isn't even about her, although, I mention her because I let my once still strong feelings for her get in the way of something new and truly great.

A couple of months after we split, I met a woman, and the two of us hit it off as friends. Just friends, for a little while. There was a definite mutual attraction, but I was in no shape to be in a relationship at that point, considering I still was badly wanting my marriage back. Well, my friendship with this woman turned sexual, quickly. I was very up front about how I wasn't in a place for a relationship, and she completely understood and was OK with that. So, we were now friends with benefits, lots of benefits. Over the course of the next 5 months, we saw each other on an almost daily basis. She began dropping hints around 2 months in that she was in love with me, basically all but saying it. I kept a lid on all that kind of talk the best I could, even though in reality, I was feeling the same way.

She was amazing in every way. She was everything I wanted in a partner; kind, loving, sexy, smart, funny, very sane, and a great cook to boot. Still, I was trying to keep myself open to getting back with my wife, and so I wasn't going to let my true feelings show, or commit to anything, because I knew if my ex wanted to come back at that point, I would have taken her back. I thought I was being fair to my friend and not messing with her head, but in retrospect, I think I was being selfish.

Around the beginning of the year, she informed me that she was going to be moving across the country. I was stunned, and sad as hell. I told her I supported her, as much as I hated to see her go. We had about another month together before she left. We visited with each other as much as we could, and I could no longer contain how I was feeling....I let it all out. I told her I loved her, how damn happy she made me, and that I had been feeling this way for a long time. She told me she loved me too, and she would have been my girl in a heartbeat. But it was too late, she already had a job, and a place to stay. Both of us broke down crying, I apologized for not telling her how I felt sooner, she understood, and let me know she doesn't hold it against me and would probably be back in the not too distant future. We resolved to make the best of our remaining time, and we did. We've talked every single day since she left too.

Here's where I'm confused, and think I'm being a fool. She's been telling me she wants to come back, but doesn't know when. She told me she isn't seeing anyone, and I'm not either. I would gladly wait for her. Then today, I got the bright idea to get a Facebook account, and she was the first person I went to add. When I got to her page, I find it says she's in a relationship, and not with me. Keep in mind, every day we have very affectionate conversation, say I love you to each other, so on. Always sweety this and babe that and "fun" pictures from her and...you get the picture.

So I text her, and say, "I have a question to ask you, and I need a completely honest answer." "Are you in a relationship with _____?" She replies that she isn't, and would have told me if she was, and that he has approached her about it, but she told him that she has me waiting for her at "home". So I ask why her Facebook says she's in a relationship with this dude, and her response is that she's just put that there as a favor to him (he's one of her roommates) so that maybe his ex will leave him alone, because she's a total psycho. Right then she calls me, and reassures me that there's absolutely nothing going on between the two of them, she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize what she has with me. Things smooth out, I let her know I believe her, we chat a bit, laugh, joke, the usual, say I love you and hang up. I hadn't even added her as a friend yet on Facebook, but when I went to do so, I found her page has been completely removed! Just then. Gone.

Now I am wondering. Did she just feed me the biggest load of crap of the century? I have never before had a moment of distrust for her. I've never caught her in a lie of any kind. Now suddenly, I've got this gut wrenching feeling that things aren't what they've seemed. I'm wondering if she's just there to spend time with this guy for a while and see how well she likes him, while stringing me along. Things haven't cooled off a bit between us lately though, if anything, we talk more than ever, and yes, more flirting, loving messages, etc. than ever too. I don't know what to think. I've been admittedly putting all my eggs in this one basket, because damn, it was a hell of a good basket. It was like the two of us are made for each other, we just CLICKED. Always. Now, honestly, I'm scared that I've been duped. I can't stand the thought of being lied to by someone I love, again.
tse1228 tse1228
1 Response May 17, 2012

Many women and men are not completely up front about their connections with other people even when they exhibit consistent signs of complete love. I should know, I've been on the receiving end of deception more than once. At the time, I trusted and believed in them only to latter find out later there was someone else. Shell shocked would be an understatement.<br />
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I'm not suggesting things are bad for you but I would be very cautious about her. I've always believed in giving people the benefit of doubt. Innocent until proven guilty however, the fact the she has caused alarm bells to ring has put doubt within your mind.<br />
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I'd say keep in contact with her, give her space if she wants it or acts a bit distant. Don't press her on this or make her feel guilty and don't let her see if your suspicions are getting the better of you as this will drive her away from you. Accept what's happened and just continue as normal but with caution.<br />
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Good Luck!