I Am Simply Sad, From A Broken Heart.

I have to apologize for the novel I am going to write. About 4 years ago my husband cheated on me with a woman twice his age. He was 28 then. We were living apart at the time because we could not afford to live together. We lived with our parents. And our daughter lived with me. I thought every thing was okay, not great because we were living apart but ok. I have a medical condition that causes me to forget some things, but this I will always remember. We were going to go shopping for my daughter when he got a text from someone. I asked him who it was and if I was going to meet her. He told me no. I knew at that moment the he was with her. I turned the car around and took him back to his house. We argued of course, his reason for cheating on me was that I wasn't putting out. I felt sick, my best friend, my lover, my husband my world had ripped out my heart. For the following week, I made it seem like I was his friend. He told me about their relationship and that he had basically fell in love with her. He told me of the story of how they met, while he was on a bike ride and he went to her house where he spent the night and had sex. I remember that night cause he lied to me and said he was out having dinner with friends after his bike ride. I eventually met the lady, at a ***** club. I remember this so well I asked him if she was prettier then me. And he said no, she is all scarred up. That one statement made me feel like poo. I felt Ugly, and my self esteem tanked. When I did meet her I cried in front of her. And she hugged me. I asked her how could she do this and she said it just happened. A week of this went on. He would go to her sleep with her and come back home. The while time me begging him to stay with me. I lost 20 lbs in a week. A month of this I had to go through. She eventually dumped him, because she thought he was sleeping with me too. He was in the beginning but not at the end. He and I got back together and are still together. BUT I feel that he stayed with me cause he had no other choice. On Christmas that year he lied to me again, he went to her house and dropped off a gift for her and left a note saying good bye, he told me he was shopping for me. I got some thing that a monkey could get you, a week after Christmas. I felt like I was second and that he ran in the store and went ok that is good and gave it to me. To this day I won't wear what he got.

That day four years ago, still haunts me. I am crying while I write this. My heart is broken and my soul is shattared. He made conditions for us getting back together, one I have to treat him like that never happened, two love him as I did before, three have sex with him when he wants it. But I dont sleep with him, maybe only once a month. The first year was really hard every time we got intimate I pictured him and her. I still have nightmares where I wake up screaming. And I know something inside me has changed. But what? I still love him. It it's hard to get intimate. And again I feel he is talking to some one at night. Any imput?

I know this was very long but I have not told my story to any one. So imput would be appreciated. Thank u.
Simplysad Simplysad
May 17, 2012